My 14 yr old daughter is in love, what do I do?

Question

While I was out of the country My seemlingly wonderful child ran away from her step dad and "fell in Love" she has become sexualy activive. My guts tell me to keep a tight lease on her but I have been warned this might make her want to run even more. I have her out of town with her father at this time and she belives The law will come down on her boy friend because he is 16. unfortinately her dad is nothing but a big kid himself and will not even talk to her about what she did He just wants them to have fun together.

Answer 1

My advice to you would e don't take advice from total strangers you met 5 minutes ago on the internet with something this important.

Answer 2

I may not be a parent, but I am think I can help. I am 21, if that's important for you to know. Anyway I'm sure you daughter is in love, because this may be her first boyfriend or whatever, so don't go telling her she doesn't no what love is or whatnot, because that's definately gonna make her pull away from you more. What you should try and do is approach her as a friend for the moment when you're talking to her, a good friend, yet a parent at the same time. Tell her if you love someone you don't need to be sexually active to prove it. Then warn her what sex can do, and sometimes actions speak louder than words, and what I mean by that, is you could always do that test with your daughter, where you give her something like a doll, or if you can have her babysit a real baby for a whole day. And be around, but don't help her, let her find out the consequences of having sex. Ask her if she wants to take that risk. And make her realize that what she had to go through one day of taking care of a child is what she's going to have to do for the rest of her life is she remains careless, and say she won't be able to be a kid and have fun. Lastly, remind her that no a days it's important to be very careful with sex because of STDs, I know she'll be thinking that she will be the lucky one and never get anything, but try and make her realise that it is out there. Other than that you just really need to listen to your daughter and be understanding, try and put yourself in her shoes. OH last thought, I promise, you could always do some role playing where she has pretends to be your mother and you're her daughter and she needs to talk to you about sex or something. That could help too. anyway if you need help let me know. Sorry for the long response.

Answer 3

This is a very delicate question. I hope my being frank with my opinion is ok. First of all, you left the country and left your young daughter with your husband, who is not her father? Is that correct? You said she ran away from her "step dad". Now, she's living with her birth father? Has she ever lived with you? Do you have a good relationship with her? To me, it doesn't sound like you do. You don't run away first, then fall in love. She ran away for a reason, probably to be with this person she is in love with. Right now, to me, my first priority would be to reconnect with my child (I have a 14-year-old son). The sexual activity is not a good thing, but the only way you are going to have any kind of influence on her is to build a solid relationship with her first. If you don't build the foundation of good parenting, the rest won't happen. She won't listen to you, she'll do everything she can to disappoint you. She's only human. Adolescents need a lot of love, patience and understanding. It is at this time that kids experience puberty, insecurity, doubt and sadness. Its just the nature of the beast. Love her, connect with her, then try and guide her. If she doesn't live with you, if you're first priority is your own life, if you're off traveling the globe with a boyfriend/new husband and leave her out of your life, then I'm sorry my friend, your daughter will pay the price. Your child should always come first. You chose to have her, now be a parent to her. Put your own desires aside for a moment, and be there for her. She'll come around soon enough.

Answer 4

Thats a tough problem. My first insticts are the same as yours, keep her on a leash and make her account for her whereabouts to you at all times. She is 14 and you are her parent. I wouldnt tell her anything false, because she is likely to learn the truth herself and learn not to trust you. I would enlist some outside aid as well, a counselor, maybe a pastor of a church and have them assist you on getting your daughter back on the right path. You should also insist her father take a more proactive role with her instead of just trying to be her friend. In most states that I know of, as long as both participants are minors and within 2 years age of each other, statutory rape can not be prosecuted, but you might want to check with your local law enforcement to see if that is an option. You could also obtain a restraining order to keep this boy away from your daughter.


I wish you luck and pray you have good results.
Peace to you.

Answer 5

Don't keep a tight leash, that will definitely make her run harder. You say her father is nothing but a big kid himself? That's probably one of the reasons why she did this. Children, whether they realize it or not, want to be disciplined and taught right from wrong. When they aren't getting that, they will act up and wait to see what happens.

I recommend having her come home to live with you and explain that you aren't trying to keep her and her BF apart, you just want her home because that's where she should be right now. And let her date him. If she is sexually active there is no stopping it now. Take her to the gyno, get her examined and put her on the pill, immediately!!!!! Let her know that being sexually active is a grown up thing and if she feels she is ready to be active then she is ready to take on the responsibility of it by going to the DR.

She is 14 and wants desperately to grow up, this is what her body is telling her she should do. If you try to fight her on it she will wind up not talking to you, pregnant within a year and the boy gone, no where to be found. Treat her like the adult she is turning into, while explaining to her the responsibilities that come along with it. BUT do not lose the role of the mother. If she misbehaves, be the adult in charge!

Answer 6

Gosh, sorry to say, but that's terrible!! So young and not ready... even if she thinks she probably is... unfortunately. Look, go with your gut and act like a real mother- try to put some sense in her head VERY FIRMLY. I find that many Americans (or people who grew up in America- considering you are American or have grown up in the US) let their kids be WAY to independant. Why? Don't you care about the respect for herself and her body? Don't you care for her safety??? Hello! Act. Be responsible. Do something. And NOW. And what is up with that stepfather of hers? What kind father is he to let her like that? If the man is as immature as how your daughter is acting, then he's no good. I'm sorry, but I would very much consider another man who can take care of her. So, hope everything works out between your daughter and you- good luck. And remember to tell your girl that she'll probably regret all of this (losing her virginity so early) and that she should just stop her big mistake ASAP! Wishing you the best...

Answer 7

Tight reins should definetly be in order but more important OPEN communication on any and every subject will take you far. No matter what you say or do she can and will do what she wants. Your job is to make sure is has ALL the necessary information she needs to step out into the world. I would definetly have her seen by an obgyn since she is sexually active. She isn't doing the right thing and you should discuss with her OBGYN if they feel birth control (pills) should be used to prevent pregnancy. Stress to her how sex can and will and does kill. If possible talk to the boy AND his parents making them aware of your fears. Tell her father to get a dam grip. Your daughter doesnt need her parents to be her friend....she needs them to PARENT her. Good luck!

Answer 8

Well, I think you 2 parents need to quit trying to be friends and buddies with your kid and start parenting. Apparently she hasn't gotten a whole lot of love from you guys so how could she possibly know what love is? I am 50 years old and at 14 I knew nothing of life. Parenting was never meant to be easy. Both of you need to grow up. Why are you continuing to allow her to stay with her father when he takes no responsibility for his own behavior let alone your daughters. Your daughter and her 16 year old friend are infatuated with the situation but have no clue as to the consequences of their actions. They are both just children. This needs to be stopped immediately. I don't care if you have to put bars on their windows and chains on their doors, do not allow this situation to continue. You parents better put a hold on your own life and fun and concentrate on whats going on in your daughters life ASAP. If not you will end up being very young immature grandparents. You will live out the remainder of your life resentful and have the "why me" syndrome.

Answer 9

I'm not going to say she isn't in love, who knows for sure. Either way, you were young once. Try to remember how you felt about sex and boys back then. Next you need to really talk to your daughter. Don't lecture her but talk to her. It's going to be hard for her to listen to you cause your her mother and she will see it as you being Nagy. If you give her the facts about love and sex, she will listen to you. Tell her about your past experiences with both. If you tell her how you really feel about the way she is living her life and warn her about the negatives and positives of love she will be okay. This is coming from an 18 year old, who wishes her mother was open and would have done the same.

Answer 10

Supply her with condoms for safe sex. At this point, what's done is done, there's no going back. Maybe if she gets the "jolt" of the real world, she'll come back for tips and pointers...don't blame or shame her (which is difficult not to do when you had different expectations about how your daughter was going to live her life...) And love her fully. She will come around as long as you are not "punitive." It's not easy being a responsable parent these days. Set boundaries and make incentives for her. Just be willing to respond to your daughter rather that reacting...and give her a reality check with the sex education.

Answer 11

14 and 16 is not a really big age difference. Now that you know she is sexually active not only should you try to prevent it by supervising her visits, but TALK ( not lecture) to her about STDs and how to prevent pregnancy.If she is having sex now, then she will find a way, better she be informed. I had older boyfriends and instead of my mom preventing it she just made my curfew so early and made me be at home when they visited that it was boring to the young guys and it ended up not working out. This worked until I got older... and low and behold I was pregnant and married by 17! Knowledge is the key, can't let her run wild and do what she wants, but you can't lock her up either. Good luck!