13 year old daughter masturbating?

Question

Recently I've been noticing stains on my 13 year old daughter's bed sheets when doing the washing, and last night as I walked past her bedroom on my way to the bathroom I heard a lot of heavy breathing and what sounded suspiciously like a vibrator. I'm shocked that she would be masturbating at such a young age, however I have no real problem with it, but I'm not sure whether I should take this as a sign that she is ready to have the "sex talk" or whether it would just embarrass her.

What do you think? Is she too young for me to give her the sex talk? I hadn't been planning it for a couple of years but she's obviously more sexually mature than I thought she was!!!

I've no idea where she managed to get hold of a vibrator, but I don't want to embarrass her by asking because I don't want her to be aware of the fact that I know she's masturbating as I think she would be very embarrassed about that.

Answer 1

If this isn't a sign, not sure what could be. And if she did have a vibe, she may even more knowledgable than you ever imagined. I teach high school (9 years) and have been surprised time and time again to both the openness of today's youth and yet still, the ignorance of the "facts".

My advice is a talk that starts with asking her what she already knows and if there are any questions that you can help her with. Putting her in speaking seat, may allow her to be more open and create a bond between the two of you that will keep the door open for any questions/advice in the future. Also, I would not bring up the sheets or the sounds you heard, unless she brings up her solo activities. It may be embarrassing and cause her to hide her feelings. Finally, be prepared to hear things that may come as a surprise and be cautious with your reactions. She will be watching your reactions to decide if she can truly trust you with the first real adult topic.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I will suggest that you buy her a new vibrator (she may be using someone else's) and show her how to use it effectively. Also tell her that you will prefer that she uses the vibrator rather than going to bed with a guy.
Another thing - tell her not to be ashamed to come to you to ask about masturbation or any bodily acts. Also let her know how to have safe sex and tell her to go for it only when she is ready.

Personally I feel 13 is not that young. I started at 12 and when my mom found out, she bought me a new sex toy and guided me hands-on how to use it. After that day, i was never ashamed of masturbation and always ask my mom before trying anything new sexually. I created a bond between me and mom and she is more my freind than anything.
I have done the same for my younger sister last year and now she is the proud owner and regular user of a 'pleasure master 3000'. :p

Answer 3

its definitely time for the talk, but by the sound of it your too late, if shes masturbating and using a vibrator then chances are she knows the basics already, though i still think you should sit down and tell her the basics (from an adult as shes probably heard them from school Friends) and educate her in std's. I'm sure most people already know stuff by 13. but the fact that shes using a vibrator is certainly rare (at least i hope it is)

Answer 4

13! oh I think you are way too late. look at what ages they teach sex education in schools (im sure its younger than 13!)

Besides these days most sex education classes in the UK teach masturbation as a safe form of sex. Have the talk now if it will make you feel better but trust me she will find it embarrassing, all kids that age do. Plus she probably knows all about the birds and the bees. To be honest I would be surprised if 13 year old girls hadnt already experimented with masturbation its just natrual. Don't worry about it if you ask me. Its a delicate age, all you have to do is reinforce the 'be safe and carefull' thing, no need for all the ins and outs of it (no pun intended) she will be fine.

Answer 5

I'd say 13 is way too old for 'the sex talk' not that I agree with that anyway. I think age appropriate sex education should begin at 5 or 6 years old. 13 is not young to be masturbating in this day and age. Have a talk with her, buit don't let on that you think she's been masturbating. You don't want he to get embarrassed or think that she is doing something wrong. Be prepared to answer her questions, and be open and honest with her. She's growing up, and she might feel relieved that you bring up the subject first. Do talk to her, but for the love of god, do it soon.

Answer 6

I think your sex talk is overdue, you should definitely begin talking to your daughter about sex. If she is already masturbating without you knowing there is no telling what else she has already tried. Teens are having sex a lot younger now days. When you talk to her let her know that it might seem a little bit embarrassing but you care about her and would like to talk about all the consequences and diseases that are associated with sex.

Answer 7

"Maturity" a relative terminology comes at different times to different people. Sex talk, to children should come gradually from as young as 2 or 3 when identifying body parts for example. This must progress and vary in content and detail as mental and physical growth demand. This dear child is filling up the void caused by want of responsible counsel in sexuality by experimenting and engaging in trial and error. Most adults lack the training and patience to deal with these issues involving their offsprings. Perhaps it may be helpful to seek proffessional counsel for both Mother and daughter. Sexuality is Gods gift to mankind and must be responsibly intoduced to our children.

Answer 8

Definitely have the sex talk. I wouldn't talk about her masturbating though. That will embarass her, especially if she thinks you know about it. Really, you need to have the talk to alert her about STD's and pregnancy prevention. Let her know how important it is for her to abstain from sex at this age, but if she must, then use protection. If she's just masturbating and not actually sleeping with anyone, don't worry. It's normal.

Answer 9

Thirteen is pretty late actually (for most people) and you can but vibrators at hot topic for two bucks.
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Her masturbating isn't a sign of her wanting to lose her virginity but eventually it will be (I lost my virginity at 13) so you should probably talk to her just in case :)

Answer 10

I'm 17, female and I've been masturbating since before I knew what it was called! People are starting at younger and younger ages. I have friends that have been having sex since they were 10. I'm still a virgin! I think that the main reason I've stayed a virgin is because my mom has always told me about sex and masturbating. She's told me somethings that have scared me and my friends but I'm glad that she's been open with me. Even if it is embarrassing!