My baby's dad puts her on the back seat everytime he finds new woman in his life. What should I do?

Question

I have a daughter with a former boyfriend who only shows and interest in his daughter when he is bored and doesn't have a romantic interest in his life. When he does have a girlfriend, he acts resentful towards our daughter. He does take her on the days that I work--but wants me to pick her up as soon as feasibly possible. He often leaves her in his mother's care while he is going somwhere (which is every single day)--or whenever he is on his computer. Up until recently, she has been a daddy's girl... used to ask for him and become upset whenever he left. Now his absense doesn't phase her. She is young enough to not remember her father--at least not how is has been acting towards her. I've been considering taking her out of that situation now instead of waiting until she is older and he breaks her heart with his behavior.

Answer 1

The thing about men is that they do not have a clue what they've got untill it is "unavailable" to them. That is why I give you this advise... He will be sorry for what he has been doing and by that time it'll be too late She will learn Quickly sweety. Just let her know that she doesn't need a man in her life to be fullfilled.

Answer 2

You cannot take her away from her dad. That would be bad on your part. She will always feel resentful because you're the reason why she doesn't have a relationship with her father. That isn't fair to her. I know it hurts to see your daughter going through that. But she will eventually see for herself. Then she will look at you as the person who tried to make it work, but he just didn't want to. You don't want to be the one to plant any anger in your childs heart, this will only backfire for you. Trust me, my brother has 2 daughters (from different mothers) who he is doing the same too. I have one niece who was taken away by her mother, now she's totally resentful to her mother, and always wants to be with her dad. But the other daughter has seen with her own eyes, what exactly her father is doing. Because her mom never put crap into her head, and never took her away from him. I know it's hard, but it will be well worth it in the long run. Good luck!

Answer 3

Your situation doesn't sound too bad. She needs her father and you should encourage the relationship whenever you can. When he disappears just wait until he comes back. A sometimes daddy is better than none at all. You would only hurt your daughter by ending the relationship. Girls need daddies. You chose her daddy for her. He may not be perfect, but he's the one you got for her and you're stuck with that. Be grateful that you have some help with your ex and his mom.

Answer 4

I was the child that was put off when Dad got a new girlfriend (or went to jail). But according to the court system in our county it was better for me to have a father that was never there (even though he lived 5 minutes from me most of my life) than to not allow him in my life at all. I have had a lot of issues in my personal live (abandoment feelings for one) I'm 27 years old and am just now getting to know my father. My mom tried not to say anything bad about my dad and let me make my decisions when I got older. I think at about 10 years old, I decided that I didn't have time for my dad anymore because he never made the time for me. I told him how I felt and what I thought of the person that he was. I too was a daddy's girl and was devistated every time he didn't do what he promised. Even though I hurt so much when he backed out, I cherished those times we had together. I appreciate my mom letting me make my own decisions as to my relationship with my father. Because of this I was able to speak with my father when I wanted and that's how we reconnected. Too bad it took us finding out that he was dying to do this. I just hope that your daughter has better luck than I did and can connect with her father at a younger age before it's too late.

Answer 5

maybe that would wake him up a bit.

see if you can find a sitter or day care while you are at work and also, don't instigate their interaction. if he wants to have a daughter, then he should be the dad and go to her....

i had a dad that was a great financial provider, but never wanted to do anything i wanted to do. if i wanted to go fishing , then he'd probably take me, but if i wanted to sit and play a board game after dinner, well, that never happened....
i always resented that. i am very grateful for what he did provide and i always respected that aspect b/c i had my mom to do fun things with, but when it came down to it...i didn't care whether he was around or not. there wasn't a bond there.
i felt that he was the dad, he should be able to come to me and want to be with me....

so, that's what i think about your situation. i wouldn't be malicious about it, just be mature and simply explain to him what he's doing. also, tell him about the affect it's already having on her.

maybe he needs a wake-up call.
it sucks knowing that you aren't #1 to your parent, but at least i always knew what the deal was with my dad. he never said he was going to do soemthing and didn't do it...he just didn't do it in the first place....make sense??

so, i'm sure her dad will be a good thing in her life, even if it's only on a p/t basis, but i'd take her away a bit to make him miss her....maybe that will amke him come around.

take care.

Answer 6

For the sake of your child not missing out on knowing her father no matter how sleazy, have a serious talk with him and tell him you don't like the situation or his attitude towards your daughter. He's a parent which means he has certain responsibilties to his child whether he likes them or not. Ask him straight up if his child is important to him or even a priority in his life. His answer to your questions and reactions to this conversation might be able to tell you what you need to know. If he's not up for the challenge, get him out of her life (whatever the laws of your country state you can do in this situation), the last thing she needs is to feel inferior and unloved, she needs stability and lots of care. Good luck with everything.

Answer 7

Have you tried talking to him about this? I think that would be the best thing to do first instead of just making a decision that she doesn't need her father. Is he young? I'm not saying his behavior is acceptable at any age but I don't think the child should be without a father in his life just because he's not there as much as you want him to be. Remember, you're the one that made the decision to lay down with this guy, it's not the child's fault.

Answer 8

I would suggest to put your child in daycare when you are working, then your daughter can play with other kids her own age, I personally think that the father should have something to do with their children even if they are not in a relationship with the person they had the baby with.
However you can not control him, any more then you can keep your daughter from learning what kind of father she has.
Besides you don't want to be the parent that becomes the bad parent from keeping her father from her or telling her what kind of father she really has. She will learn this as she gets older on her own.
Just make sure that you make time for the both of them to spend together and if he turns it down then it is his loss in the end, and he will kick himself in the butt when he wants to spend time with her, yet she will probably not want to spend time with him.
If he is leaving your child with someone that you would prefer him not too, I suggest that you find other arrangements for childcare..

Answer 9

tell him that if he feels that he can not commit to your child then to sign away his rights or go for court appointed visitation rights if you feel that your child is not safe or better off within his care seek a lawyer. you must do what you feel is right for your daughter. and if that means making him see how much of an *** he has been to her then do it. every child deserves happiness and a loving family not to have a parent who is going to resent that child for being alive. and if he can't find time to be with her then maybe he needs to step out and try to re think where she fits in and where he does and what he want's to do about it. but in the mean time i think you also need to relize that you are doing what is best for her. mother's and daughters are stronger then father and daughters. i give you 100 props for not giving up but trying to figure out away to make this all work when many mothers would have just given up. i hope everything works out for you i truly do

Answer 10

Absolutely, give hima a choice first. Tell him OUR daughter needs to come first in your life PERIOD. Give him a chance after you talk to him and if still doesn't change just see how he reacts if you stop asking him to watch her, talk to your family see if they can help out, if money is an issue find out if you can get assistance from your county. Let him know that he is a father and it is time for him to grow up because you can't do it by yourself, you will if you have to but you don't want to. He will be the one with regrets not you.

Answer 11

Do you have a visitation order in place? You cannot just remove her from his life without a court order and in order to prove him unfit, you have to have a lot of HARD evidence. Having his rights revoked is even more difficult. If you start to refuse him visitation, you could start a fight that you are not ready for. Just be careful. Unless he is causing her harm or neglecting her and not providing good care when he has her, you might want to be careful about challenging him. I know its unfair, but the court system is very strict when it comes to parental rights. Good luck, I hope he comes through for your daughter and doesn't end up another dead beat Dad.