why do I feel like this??

Question

okay, i was 18 and 10 days outta high school when I had my daughter. She is now four and I am 22. I also have a step son that comes and visits every other weekend, or when his mother feels like sending him would be more precise. He is 3.

I am in college and I work 30 hours a week.

But every part of me wants to have another baby. I know that logically I do not need another child, that it would lower my chances of ever achieving my goal.

I am not going to get pregnant, I just want to know why I feel like this. I am not scared that I am going to lose my man, in fact I would be more scared that if I got pregnant I would lose him.

What the hell is wrong with me!

I should also mention that pregnancy is hard for me. With my daughter I lost 20 pounds the first trimester and went into labor with her starting at 6 months...I did manage to carry her to 8 months...why do I want to torture myself?

my fear of loosing my man stems from ALL the bad sh*t that i went through with my child father.

I do believe that my man is right for this, he has taken my daughter nad made her his own. He even would like to adopt her, but we would need to take her no show father back to court, so since we have already delt with my childs father to the extent that his rights are gone, we now are focusing our money on taking his son's mother to court to get things right with his paper work, and maybe even get custody since she is so unstable...then we are going to take my childs father back to court and get her legally adopted by him.....it is all so complicated.

and he is very firm with me in saying that we will not even consider another child for at least 5 years.

Answer 1

The inner drive to have another baby is very very strong.
It is not the intellectual intelligent part of you that wants a baby.
Because your life is difficult and complex already, and you know it would be even harder.
But some more basic part of you wants a baby. It's part of being a woman. I felt like this until i was 45. It's an inner thing and very very strong.

Answer 2

All these feeling you are having are very normal, how ever I would suggest you hold off right now, you sound like you are very goal oriented and lets achieve one thing at a time. Finish college and get your self established in that area of your life first. Then your man needs to be a factor here too. if you are concerned that you will lose him should you have another baby the you need to sit down and seriously talk to him about his intentions were your future is concerned because if you want more and he doesn't then that could pose a problem later on.

So work on one goal at a time and worry about the immediate present you are still young and there are still many good yrs ahead of you for children and the problem you had with carrying your daughter could have been an age thing that my not happen at all with any of your other children you may carry ok

Answer 3

Nothing is wrong with you!!! Both of the children are past the baby years which we all know are fun and exciting, because they do something new everyday and rarely act out as babies!!! The two children you have may be entering stages that are harder to handle and with work, and school, something tender and easy like another baby may seem like a good idea, but given what you have said about your man, and your goals you know it is not. There is nothing wrong with having mixed feelings about your family and whether or not it is done growing. Just remember you have time to wait and if you do decide you want another baby you will probably be glad that you took your time making that choice and your man will definatly want his input taken into consideration at that point too. Both of you will appreciate your careful deliberation.

Answer 4

As has been said before - there is nothing "wrong" with you. It's just nature. Nature doesn't care about our intellectual goals - it cares about procreation and race-continuation. Toss in loving children, and it becomes a very powerful siren song.

You are VERY VERY SMART to resist the baby-lure. You have time on your side - get yourself stable first. Get through college, get into your career, be 110% sure you're with the right guy for the job, someone who will be your partner through parenthood and not ditch you because !GASP! you're having a BABY!

BTW, every pregnancy is different. I got desperately sick with my first and ended up having her induced a couple weeks early because I was heading straight down the tubes; was on bedrest for six months with the second; had an easy pregnancy but a "sudden" month-early birth with the third and then my fourth? The blissful, dreamy, everything went just exactly right experience. Just because the first one was miserable doesn't mean the next one will, or vice versa.

Answer 5

You know what, I felt like that also, except that I'm pregnant again. Well, at first, I only wanted one child. I have a two year old son and his name is Damian. When I was carrying him, I thought for sure he was going to be a girl. I met my husband in Korea, we were both in the military. In Korea, we're not allowed to have ultrasounds because if the baby is a girl, they are going to force you to abort the baby, girls are not wanted there because they can't serve in the military. I was transffered to Hawaii when I was 6 months pregnant and finally got an ultrasound. I was so devastated to learn that I was carrying a boy, we already had a name if it was going to be a girl, now i had to scramble and think of a name. I was mad, sad, and guilty at the same time. after two weeks, I got over it and started loving damian unconditionally. I had a few complications so i had to have a csection. The first thing i wanted to do was see him. He was beautiful. Anyway, when Damian was 3 months old, I told my husband I wanted another one and for sure this was going to be a girl. That was why we tried for another one. But this is going to be another boy, and I'm done. don't want to try anymore. I did cry but I was more prepared for this one being a boy than my first one. I'm just looking forward to giving birth to a healthy boy. And I do miss carrying a little baby, damian grew up so fast, he got fat fast. and one more reason was that my husband wasn't there for the birth and a good part of damians first year. I was in Hawaii and he was in TN. So I was eager to give him that experience.

Answer 6

Nothing is wrong. I've been having the same thoughts. I was told that we get "baby fever" once our children start to get independent. For you it may be because your daughter will be going to school soon, if not already. For me it's because my 2 year old just got potty trained. I know I want another baby in the future, but all I can think about is a baby. I'm only 20 and having "baby fever." So, don't worry, it's totally normal.

Answer 7

Nothing is wrong with you. Most, and I mean most, women have strong maternal instincts and even though you have one or two, you never really lose that instinct. It's like remembering when you child was a baby and you yearn to go through that again. My little girl is almost two and I've been feeling the same way that you do ever since then. Don't think that something is wrong with you.

Answer 8

Nothing is wrong with you, normally your body will want to have children that is what we are made for... I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old, and deep down, i want another eventhough i know with common sense, its not the responsible thing to do at this time. NOw the fact that I am 28 and my husband is 30 its not as bad of a situation, both of us have finished college, but financially we are just getting started.

its normal for you to feel that way, u want another little one to hold.. all of us women feel that way...
but use your sense that says, its not time yet...
my sense is going to get my tubes tied!

Answer 9

Nothing is wrong with you. Most women your age have a natural instinct to procreate. With some women it's a very strong desire to have more kids, even though they don't really want them.

Stay on the pill or whatever you're using, get through collage then talk to you boyfriend/husband about having another..if you still have that desire.

Answer 10

A lot of women feel this way when their kids are out of the "Baby"stage and they don't need you as much as they used to. Finish school and work at your career for a few years and discuss with your husband if he would like to have more kids in the future.