can any one help me?

Question

my mum is gay and i dont mind i just dont know how to confront her about the noise she makes when shes doing it

Answer 1

That is her preference so you move out when you hear the noise.

Answer 2

If it's really bothering you hun, you could write a letter just saying that you have heard noises and it bothers you. Or have a chat when she's relaxing and just say that you feel a bit uncomfortable because you sometimes hear noises coming from her bedroom and you don't know what to do. Being your mum, I'm sure she'll be mortified that you have heard.
Building up the courage to say something is usually worse than actually saying it.
Go for it, you'll feel better. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sit her down, make her a cuppa, and make it clear that you do not intend to be rude or cheeky. Tell her that you have heard her making sounds a few times, and express that it would be better and less embarrassing for both of you if she kept the noise down a little. You need to make it clear that you have no objection to her being gay, you just feel uncomfortable hearing her make noises of that nature, as she is your mother. I'm sure that she will see your point of view, and keep it down.

Alternatively, be very loud next time you're with someone and say 'how do you like it?' to your mum!

Answer 4

Do you have a gran? Can you ask her to speak to mum? An auntie? A big sister even? Maybe sharing it with them would help with your request.

Confrontation isn't the answer. Diplomacy is best. And a neutral person like the aforementioned, to act as intemerdiary might be easier on you.

If not, then you must ask your mum to spare some private time with you, and tell her that you need to talk about a personal matter.

Then, if the words are hard to say, bring her to this page and let her read the question that you've bravely asked in here.

Let her read the answers too.

Then, hopefully, it will open her up to sharing discussion on this subject with you, and afford you, the peace you seek, in perhaps more ways than one.

It could be the start of a much more open relationship with your mum too.

Sometimes, we parents can be thoughtless, without meaning to be, especially when caught up in the newness of relationship. We don't mean to be this way, or even realise, that our children suffer silently behind their door.

Sometimes, we forget just how young we were once, and how sensitive we were as well.

I once sat on the top step of the stair and heard my children discussing me, their mum... not nicely... my second child figured I was unfair, because her older brother stayed up longer and watched television longer.

Now, he was eighteen months her senior, she was two years senior to the next child, who was two years senior to the next and only one year, separated the last two of my five. (my sixth was a very late child, arriving some fifteen years on)

Number one child was a boy, number two child was a girl.

"Why should he get to watch cowboy films when I like them too? Just because I'm a girl mum thinks only he should stay late and watch them, it's not fair, she's mean."

I felt awful. I had been a tomboy myself, my brother got all the toys I'd have liked too and did the things I'd wanted to do as well.

I slid inside the room and sat in a corner chair in the dark and listened for a good ten minutes to them all, my four daughters discussing my pedigree. I learned some serious home truths that day, before they saw me and froze in fear.

I told them I wasn't angry or upset, that they had a valid point and that from that day on, we would have a Friday evening counsel meeting, where all of them, would get to say whatever they felt was unfair about me, about each other, and about our lives together and then we would all decide together, by casting votes, on how to deal with issues that affected them.

Crikey were those meetings good, sometimes very quiet, sometimes very loud, but very, very worthwhile!

Maybe you could book one hour a week on a night mum and you are home together, for some private one to one with her?

Trust me, she loves you and would want to know how you feel inside. It would grieve her to know that something she is doing, troubles and disturbs your life.

Let her read this;-) and good luck to both of you.

Answer 5

Boy, that is a bit of a conundrum. I used to live in a Fraternity house and believe me when I tell you it got a little voluminous.

What I used to do to let me roomies know was a little right-back-atcha guerrilla warfare. I do not know how old you are so so one of my tactics you might not be able to use.

On a night when I knew they were not going to have anyone over I would spend time with a 'friend with benefits' and we would be quite vocal. After this happened a few times my roomie asked me what was going on and I played dumb. VERY shortly after my roomies realized what they were doing, inadvertently, and the noise stopped.

On another occasion I just played my music loud when I KNEW they needed the sleep. Smart people get the hints quickly and they did.

If you feel that a clandestine approach is not your style, just talk to her. The fact that she is gay should have no factor in telling her you find her vocal love-making distressing. Straight couples make noise too and you should be able to talk to them. Your mother should and will be amiable to your plight. She may be a bit embarrassed, but she will understand and hopefully pipe down.

Answer 6

The fact that she's gay is irrelevant really. If she's being too noisy whilst having sex, perhaps the best thing to do is to politely have a quiet word with her and point out that it's a little loud. If you don't feel you can say this to her face to face, could you leave her a little note saying the same and put it somewhere she'll find it?

It might be that she doesn't realise you can hear and will be pleased that you've been able to tell her this.

Answer 7

It's an embarrassing one for sure. Gay or straight this would be uncomfortable for you - I think you should just sit her down and tell her. She's your mum - I'm sure she'll understand. The other option is to turn the music up, but that's a bit of a childish route.

Good luck - rather you than me m'love!

Answer 8

Leave your question on screen, so she'll read it when she uses the computer. Make sure your name is on screen too - she'll realise what you're trying to say and will probably appreciate your tact! I doubt she'll want to talk to you about it but if she does question you, just say it makes you very uncomfortable! BTW my husband often gives me a massage and it hurts like hell. My moans and groans are from pain not ecstasy!

Answer 9

If your mother has an open gay relationship with a lover, she should be able to have an honest and open relationship with you as her child and be able to talk about anything. Dont be afraid to talk to you parent about anything. Your parents will be the only "best" friend you will ever have. ;o)

Answer 10

Well, it is your mum.......you should be open about it.......if you dont wanna confront her, maybe you could leave her a (polite!) note on the table before you go out or sumfin?