For church going christians only ... would you tell?

Question

Would you tell your ex-church friends or ex-church leaders the real reason you leave the church, for example disagreeing with some of the policies or some presume wrong teachings. Is it better to keep quiet about it lest they label you for "problematic".

Answer 1

I think it depends on how you go about it. If you can keep it respectful and as private as possible, I think you should.

If you can't talk about it without getting really angry and emotional, you may need to talk about it with a friend or a counselor before you try to talk to someone in the church about it. You don't want it to be a venting session just to make you feel better, but an opportunity for them to change things that you feel are wrong, right? That can only come about if you can calmly and rationally state your reasons and make a good case.

If you rant, you are likely to be labled problematic. If you can maintain composure, they may still lable you, but you'll feel better about the exchange.

Answer 2

There is a biblical principle for dispute layed out in scripture. In answering questions let us cover it.

Matthew 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother.

First you should speak with the person and try to work it out. Be open to the fact that you might even be wrong. Listen and try to understand where they are coming from.

If you think they are teaching the wrong thing come prepared with all the resources and scripture you need to dispute it. But do it in such a way that you are not concerned about being right, but are actually concerned about the other person.

Make sure this is done in private. It's very important. Because it it's not it will be harder for them (or even you) to admit that they are wrong.

If that doesn't work we move on to the next step...

Matthew 18:16 But if he doesn't listen, take one or two more with you, that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

Get two or three people that agree with you on the issue and come together to have a talk with this person. Make sure that you all are there not to cause trouble but because you are concerned with the wellbeing of the person.

If this doesn't work we continue..

Matthew 18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly. If he refuses to hear the assembly also, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector.

If the person still refuses to listen to reason (and you are 100% sure you are biblically right and others agree with you) then bring this up in front of the general assembly of the church. Preferably the main members like the board and such.

Sometimes (especially if the person is the pastor or main overseer) escalating to step 3 me not be appropriate. Be sure to pray and spiritually discern how far you should take this.

So, yes, it is important to tell people why you are leaving..but of course in the proper order after doing everything you can.

Also, keep in mind that no one is perfect (not even your pastor or teachers) and that everything they say may not be true. If it's a minor altercation that doesn't really matter either way (like having to eat chicken on tuesday) then you should be able to just agree to disagree.

The only time you would want to leave a church just because your pastor or leader is wrong is when they are wrong in such a serious way that it is damaging to the spirituality of others in the church. Like if they start saying Jesus was JUST a prophet or something like that.

Answer 3

The only real reason they leave the "Church" is they have gotten away from God.

Too many people use these other reasons as a crutch for leaving a church. If something is wrong in the church that they were/are attending, God would lead them from that church to another bible believing church.

Depending on what denomination you are speaking of, this answer may not be what you are looking for. This answer I provided is for Bible Teaching and Believing Denominations.
(Not for churches who think they are the only ones going to heaven.)

If I can help you more, let me know. My Husband, Son (21) and I have all been raised in church and continue to serve the Lord in many ways at our local church. My Husband and I are Sunday School Teachers. We go to First Free Will Baptist Church in Springfield, OH. www.sp1fwb.org

Answer 4

I believe I would tell my friends. My friends and I are the kind of friends who can think differently from one another, but respect each other anyway. I am not close to any church leaders and nothing I do or say matters anything to them.

Maybe I shouldn't have answered this. I am not currently attending church services, but I did for many years. In fact, I taught Religious Education classes for more than ten years, but in the last couple of them I found that I was teaching that the church I belonged to didn't believe in some of the things that it was doing and the people who worked for the church weren't really acting consistently with some of the better aspects of the religion.

Good luck to you. If you are changing your church membership, it is a difficult decision to make and a difficult one to do.

Answer 5

When you have a problem with what a church teaches you speak to the pastor about it, leave everyone else out of it, because then you will be gossiping. If you have left that church, but still have resentment about it, then you need to pray about it. If you think you did the right thing by leaving the church, why are you still worried about it. If you are right for your actions, others will see the same and leave too. But you do not need to go in an bash them about what they have done. Sometimes the Enemy (Satan) makes us feel on the defense about things so that we no longer follow the right word of God. Sometimes when the word of God speaks the truth to us we feel offended, but we must pray before we make any irrational decisions.

Pray about it,

God Bless.

Answer 6

It depends on your reason for telling. If you're telling just to stir things up, yes, you should keep it to yourself. Stirring up trouble just to be stirring in the end is not only destructive to other people, but also to your position or reason for leaving- anyone would be less inclined to take seriously the issues of a troublemaker. But if you are asked, (and the people who are asking are people with legitimate need to know), I'd tell them. If your reasons are based on fact, and they're reasonable about the situation, an explanation can help avoid most (not necessarily all) the accusations and rumors and general ill will that comes with leaving a church. I've been there, and I wish the best as you deal with these issues. :)

Answer 7

It depends on the reason you are leaving the church. If you think it is something worth leaving the church over, then you should probably try to talk with the church committee about it, in one of their meetings. Otherwise, if it is something about one of their "favorite" people in the church that is doing something wrong, just turn and go find a better church and try to make sure the problems aren't ones you are carrying with you.

Answer 8

Being a Christian, I would. I don't think a person would be
labeled a problematic. Being truthful and open reveals that you
are just being honest about why you left or are leaving. That way,
if there are some problems in the church they can hopefully
resolve them so it doesn't happen again with other members.

Answer 9

You are entitled to your own opinion. They certainly have theirs. Express your opinion if that is something that makes you feel good. If you feel by keeping quiet you are not being true to yourself and your morals then open that mouth. Keeping the peace is not always a bad thing though, it depends how intimately your life is connected to the church and its teachings.

Life treats you well if you think and express original thoughts and ideas.

By labeling you "problematic" they are being closed minded and disrespectful of others morals and ideals. Everyone is entitled to respect when if comes to this.

These are just my ramblings however and you do not need to listen to them, but isnt it great that i can talk freely and be respected for my opinion even if not agreed with. I can also feel fine about someone disagreeing with me. Its what makes life diverse and interesting.

Answer 10

tell them, it could be a great oppourtunity for them to look at their teachings, and policies and ask if you're correct or not. If they label you as problematic don't worry about it, some of the best reformers have had to deal with much worse labels before. the question is, are you willing to hold to your reasons for leaving strong enough to make an impact? I say do it and don't worry about the possible label. And hey if they do label you you're probablly right, or you've probablly touched on a nerve that is sensitive to them.

Happy reforming