Know any good Quotes or Funny Sayings about Life?

Question

A friend's birthday is next week and we bought him one of those big birthday cards that we all are filling up with quotes, funny sayings or proverbs about life. We came up with almost 20 ones but there still a lot of free space. Know any good ones?
Thanks

Answer 1

These should give you something to work with: and fill a little space..lmao

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive.

May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.

Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard." Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!

Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.

Today is the last day of some of your life.

Death is a once in a lifetime experience.

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'

If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they'll stop making it tomorrow; if it's all three, they stopped making it yesterday. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy's Law

If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~Author Unknown

A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. ~Franklin P. Jones

It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. ~Author Unknown

An unwatched pot boils immediately. ~H.F. Ellis

If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~Author Unknown

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs? ~Christopher Morley, Contribution to a Contribution

It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. ~Grace Hopper

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~Author Unknown

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. ~Author Unknown

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~Author Unknown

There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter. ~Bat Masterson

No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown

Keep a thing seven years and it's bound to come in handy. ~Russian Proverb

Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object. ~Joseph Addison, The Spectator

I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror. ~Elaine Dundy

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies... means roughly that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you. If your ox kicks a hole in your neighbor's Maserati, however, indemnity is instantaneous. ~Alan Coren, The Lady from Stalingrad Mansions, 1977

Kids' Deep Thoughts From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
--Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
--Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
--Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
--Age 10

Home is where the house is.
--Age 6

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
--Age 6

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
--Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.
--Age 11

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
--Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
--Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.
--Age 5

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
--Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
--Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close his or her eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
--Age 15

And did you get what you wanted in this life even so?
I did And what is it you wanted?
To call myself beloved To feel myself beloved on the earth.
- Raymond Carver

Don't sacrifice your life to work and ideals.
The most important things in life are human relations.
I found that out too late.
- Katharinde Susannah Prichard Australian Author

Life is not a static thing.
The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums,
and those in cemeteries.
- Everett McKinley Dirksen

Parents learn a lot from their children about coping with life.
- Muriel Spark

There is properly no history; only biography.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love
the questions themselves. Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

True, we love life, not because we are used to living,
but because we are used to loving. There is always some madness in love,
but there is also always some reason in madness
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Biography is the only true history.
- Thomas Carlyle

Every life has a story.
- A&E Biography

If you don't know [your family's] history, then you don't know anything.
You are a leaf that doesn't know it is part of a tree.
- Michael Chrichton

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard

Just as a tree without roots is dead, a people without history or culture also becomes a dead people.
- Malcolm X (1925-1965)

You are the same today that you are going to be five years from now except for two things:
the people with whom you associate and the books you read.
- Charles Jones

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, 'I am with you kid Let's go!'
- Maya Angelou

The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes,
flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you.
Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes,
certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Desire is half of life, indifference is half of death.
- Kahlil Gibran

You should always learn, with life comes wisdom and with wisdom comes the courage
to live your life selflessly. The more you learn about yourself and the experiences
surrounding your life the more opportunities you have to make your life better and more fulfilling.
-Amy Candy

Read no history: nothing but biography, for that is life without theory.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.
- Leo Buscaglia

We are the hero of our own story.
- Mary McCarthy

There are three ingredients to the good life; learning, earning, and yearning.
- Christopher Morley

Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard

Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit.
- Kahlil Gibran

Life is what happens to you while you're working for your future.
- Unknown

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
- Mahatma Gandhi


Life is pain, princess. . . anyone who says differently is selling something
- Wesley The Princess Bride

All stories teach us something, and promise us something,
whether they're true or invented, legend or fact
- Stewart O'Nan

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
- Sir Winston Churchill

Love absolutely everything that ever happens in your life
- Paul Cantalupo, MD

Many of life's circumstances are created by three basic choices:
the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with;
and, the laws you choose to obey.
- Charles Millhuff

You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.
- Joe Lewis

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Ars Longa, Vita Brevis - Art (is) Long, Life (is) Short
- Hippocrates

How could there be any question of acquiring or possessing,
when the one thing needful for a man is to become --
to be at last, and to die in the fullness of his being.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The notion of looking on at life has always been hateful to me.
What am I if I am not a participant? In order to be, I must participate.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

You owe it to yourself to be the best you can possibly be - in baseball and in life.
- Pete Rose

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.
- Auntie Mame, by Patrick Dennis

When people search for "Life Quotes" they are often looking for quotes about life.
Why do the major search engines only give them hundreds of pages of
commercial garbage about Life Insurance Quotes?
--Bill Austin

Answer 2

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.” “Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.” “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh

Answer 3

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With Children Learning Reading program you and your youngster will have the ability to spend satisfying time together because they learn to read. Number forcing your son or daughter to sit through boring ‘monitor marathons ', the lessons are so small that they're simple to match in to your day-to-day routine. The whole class contains 50 classes and the classes are designed in ways so it won't matter if you miss a couple of days between them. Therefore your youngster can keep on on the way to reading accomplishment even if “living gets in the way”'.

Answer 4

If the birthday boy is a bit of a moaner about the world in general how about the chinese proverb " Do not try to carpet the whole world, but wear slippers instead"

Answer 5

Life is an onion which one peels crying.

Life is a dream. and it is well it is so, or who could survive some of its experiences.

If you wish to live you must first go to your own funeral.

Life only has a meaning when you look back and see what a mess you've left behind.

Life is a one way ticket to the knackers yard.

Life is a con you're better off dead.

You thought he was full of life before you got into bed.

Answer 6

A freind in need is a friend indeed,
make new friends but dont' forget the old ones
cuz the old ones are gold and new ones are silver

Answer 7

Personal Creed:

"Laugh at the little things."

When there is a rough period of life, remind yourself (and him) that there is always something that can be amusing or entertaining, even when it seems like everything is going wrong. No matter how bad it gets, it'll improve.

Answer 8

John Lennon: "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans".

Steve Marriott (Small Faces): "Life is just a bowl of All Bran, you wake up every morning and its there"

Answer 9

Be careful what you say to your children,
They're the ones that pick your old folks home
anon

There are no strangers in this world,
Just friends that have not met.
anon

Answer 10

"Life of a man is like a diary in which he means to write one story and writes another."

"Life is about making choices."

"What is life if full of care we have no time to stand and stare."

"Many people would walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."

Answer 11

Lifes a piece of sh*t,
when you look at it.

Life's a laugh and deaths a joke, it's true..