Serious answers only please!?

Question

I have been w/ the same guy for 7 years, and have 3 kids by him. This whole time i've been w/ him his parents have never really cared for me. I have tried everything to get them to like me. His mom always makes comments to my oldest that i need to lose weight. I know this and have tried very hard but haven't even got any compliments for what i have lost. I also am looking for a partime job cuz I am in school fulltime and cant work fulltime. His mom is always on me about finding a job as though i'm not even looking for one. 1.)I can't afford a babysitter 2.)No one offers so i can even go look for a job. It's not that i havent been looking for a job because i have. His parnets also were dead set against me going to school, but i did it anyway...and now they just hate me more. I am so tired of trying my best for them, when nothing i do is right in their eyes. I'm not even sure whether i want to be w/ my b/f anymore. I want out but how w/ 3 kids and no money? Please give good advice.

Answer 1

In relationships, it's vital that you and your boyfriend work as a team. Teamwork is a really awesome and beautiful thing about relationships because you don't have to tackle these issues alone. He's there to help you and you're there to help him, it goes hand in hand. Communication is key and it's important that you tell him about how his parents have been judging, undermining and otherwise mistreating you despite your best efforts to fit in. Let him know how much this upsets and hurts you and ask him for help. Don't be afraid to ask, if he has to, he'll deal with his parents and make them get their act together because if his parents loved and respected him, they'd learn to put their differences aside and love and respect you too. If they refuse, talk to him about your desire for you and him to get a place of your own and why you want that and how that'd free of all the stress, drama and emotional discontent that its causing in your daily life as you and him together might be able to save up enough to rent a good place.

If all else fails and he refuses to confront his parents and he rejects the idea of getting a place of your own then I suggest you go looking for government financial aide since you're not married and threaten to leave him. If that doesn't give him a wake up to how upset you are then nothing will. Either way, there's lots of good government programs for low to no income single mothers (not sure if they're available in all states) including "Section 8 Housing" - covers most or all of your rent in areas approved and selected by the government - there's lots of privately owned well kept apartments that accept it as payment also so don't think you'll be stuck in a bad neighborhood or the projects if you accept it just ask as many good places and apartment complexes as you can if they accept people on Section 8 Housing, "Food Stamps / EBT", "W.I.C. checks", local utility assistance and Child Care medical assistance all to help people in your situation get back on their feet. You just have to look around and keep your options open. You can most likely ask information (411) or city hall about where the nearest offices are that you can apply for these programs. Just keep in mind that depending on your area, there could be a rather lenghty waiting list for certain programs before that can take you but at least get yourself on the list so you'll get something eventually.

On a closing note, with the Section 8 Housing - something you really need if you have no money and want to move out ASAP, now that I think about it. Once you're approved, you can in theory use it on ANY apartment but if they're not certified by the government, you'll have to talk the landlord into filling out some extra forms and having an inspector look over the place and if it passes inspection then the landlord can accept your Section 8 Housing checks, the last condition is for the size of the place, his rent must be "reasonable" to the inspector or they'll only pay what they feel its worth leaving you to pay the difference if you accept the offer.

As I said, there's plenty of options available to you if you're determined. Simply ask and it'll be revealed to you.

Answer 2

You shouldn't have to take that from his parents! My ex-husband's mother was the same! And I know it wasn't all in my head because my ex's new wife has told me how bad this woman treats her as well. Don't take it personally. I'm sure it's not you, she just sounds like a witch and she would probably treat any woman her son was with like crap! But you need to put some guidelines out there. For instence, you need to tell her what goes on in your home is your business, and if she continues to make rude comments about you to your children, you need to keep her away from them. Now I know people are going to disagree with that, saying things like that's still the kid's grandma, but I'm sorry, just because she's grandma doesn't mean she is good for them! And rather you see it or not right now, it's going to affect the children! My ex mother-in-law actually told my ex-husband and his new wife that she had a problem being around our daughter because she looked too much like me! Now tell me what kind of person would do that to their own grandchild? A little girl at that! And you know what? I can honestly say I was a good wife, it was my ex that was the abusive jerk, and he was a mama's boy! As far as leaving, I know how hard it is to do that! I had three kids with my ex, but it can be done. Do you have family or anyone who can help you? If not, you might have to get help from the state. I know that's a hard thing to decide on, but think about it. I really wish you the best! You don't deserve what they are doing to you, and at the very least, your boyfriend should be man enough to stick up to his mom!

Answer 3

I've had a similar issue with the girl with her parents. For some reason her parents hated my guts. There was absolutely no reason for it. I'm extremely successful making $225,000 a year, 1.5mill dollar house, extremely nice car, and an excellent career. I had everything going good for me and they knew I took care of there daughter as if she was a queen. But they still hated my guts so badly they tried to break us up. And one day it kind of dawned on me I'm 23 my girl is 21 why should I care what her parents think. So I had a talk with my girl about the issue I was having with her parents. I made a simple choice for her, either them or me. And thankfully she chose me and we told her parents to basically shut up and leave us alone. We avoided them for a couple months till they finally came to there senses. I must have made an impression when I finally took action. And know her parents are like my second family. Sometimes it doesn’t work out as planned; however if you two are adults and you like being with each other. Than you should never let the parents get between. Take control of it; try to talk with his parents so what it is your doing wrong. If you can’t find a solution with his parents; than you may need to basically tell them get away from my family. Don’t just give up and leave; by than you give his parents more of a reason not to like you. Again just take controls of the situation definitely try to work something out with your man; just don’t give up it will haunt you for the rest of your life. –Good Luck

Answer 4

SEVEN years of effort is a very long time...
especially with three kids.

I have to say I admire your effort as well as your dedication.

You know, the bottom line is, this is your life...

what's more fulfilling...trying so hard to please yourself...or someone that just doesn't seem to care?

You have to take care of you first - keep up with a careful diet plan and school. Do it for you and then your kids.

The rest will fall in place...and if the childrens father doesn't want to step up and defend you through all of this - as a life partner should - ...I would say he's no better.

Answer 5

Life is shorter than you realise. It's a cliche, but you only have one chance.
Look after your kids, but also do what makes you happy - and if that means taking a step into the abyss and leaving your b/f then DO SO!!! But make sure you take a constructive step - IE. Do something good with your life!!!

Answer 6

im only 15
but y dnt u talk 2 ur bf bout his mum
n then talk 2 his mum if she doesnt lyk it then go bac n talk to ur bf n then say tht u should call it a day .
n try 2 get a job or savea s much muny up then runaway n leave a note

Answer 7

Tell them to go to hell, stop caring what they think about you, and be your own woman. Live for your family and yourself.When you catch yourself thinking about them or what they think, just find something to occupy you(your kids). If you want to leave and have no money/place, you may have to move in with your family.
Good luck.

Answer 8

Tell your man to stick up for you. Most liekly, tensions with his parents are making you lose respect for him because he isn't already telling them to back off.

Don't associate with them and remember that it's your house too and if he isn't going to talk with them, then they are not welcome at your house and you don't want your kids around somebody who speaks and thinks negatively about their mother. It's not healthy.

If you aren't in a position to be with your kids on your own, (no disrespect) but suck it up.

If he is weary about talking to them or has mommy issues, make things as uncomfortable for him as they are for you. Then maybe he'll change his mind.

Answer 9

i wish you were working because i would say live your life and get out of that family.BUT since that man is not the husband i will encourage you to talk to your parents or close relative to help you.also my mind tells me that the delay of your boyfriend to marry you after 7 full years is because of those 'parents in law to be '.

Answer 10

ASK his parents why they are sooo against you. Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him the stress you have been facing. Good Luck!