Why am i like this?

Question

I`m just a normal looking 27 year old lad but ive always suffered from shyness and lack of confidence. In school I was very reticent and the teachers thought there was something wrong with me. I had few friends then. I`ve always been a bit of a loner really. i never participated in anything and was very antisocial and lived in dread with anything involving socialising.

In my twenties ive gained a little more confidence but am still very negative. Ive never had a girlfriend and the thought of talking to one properly seems daunting. I`m always comparing myself to other people. I dont really have any real friends to go out with just occasional outings with workmates.

If I go out I`m nervous about being in a packed place and just end up getting drunk or diseappearing. If a girl looks at me i`ll probably just ignore it or just assume she`s being polite. I make excuses.

I know this sounds very strange but i just cant seem to dig myself out. I`m really fed up with all this

Answer 1

No this isn't strange at all. Everybody feels this way sometimes but it sounds like you feel this way more often than not. It sounds like you are beating yourself up about being shy. Why don't you try to look at it a different way, shyness can be a very endearing quality. It makes you look thoughtful, brooding and artstic which is attractive to many nice ladies.

Accept yourself for who you are. There's no need to compare yourself to other people. In comparing yourself to someone else, you have to accept that you are not comparing like-with-like. You are a unique individual with unique qualities and experiences unlike any other person. Who cares what they think? Who cares what I think?

You get one chance at life. You are alive, that's as good as it gets for a person. Be strong, grasp life with all you've got, take your chance and do everything you can to make the most of everything that you are and everything that you have. There's no point in being scared or negative, the only person that you disadvantage with that attitude is yourself.

Answer 2

Of course you are fed up with all this.

Girls are only other people too, with similar hopes, dreams and fears.

I myself may still suffer a little from calligynephobia (fear of beautiful women).

I was mocked from age 9 or 10 to maybe 21 when I started working on the issue too seriously by becoming psychotic.

The shyness has faded a lot over the years.

All phobias seem to be the easiest mental health issue to treat, by the experts who do it.

Other than that, books and the net have preventing of suggestions about phobias.

Shyness is just another name for one or more of the phobias.

Begin small. Talk to nearly anyone 7 days a week. Practice. Be content with small victories in the short term.

Answer 3

The only way to get over a fear of something is to do it. If you're shy, you need to get out there and put yourself in socializing situations until it doesn't feel uncomfortable any more.

Putting yourself in a situation where you gat a lot of positive feedback will certainly help (even though it may seem difficult at first). So find something you're good at, and go public with it. Like join a local sports team, or amateur dramatics, or whatever.

If you really don't like going to bars and clubs, then don't go there looking for friends and/or girlfriends. The way to find friends with the same interests as you are to go places that interest you. If you're a more quiet, stay at home type, you're not going to find quiet people in a loud bar. Try local groups for other interests, like reading groups, movie buffs, etc.

Answer 4

Want some real, practical advise - it worked for me. I used to be the invisible man, and I would let anyone walk all over me. Women didn't avoid me, or even dislike me, they just didn't know I was there. I hit the p*ss to compensate and that made things worse. Know what I did - and what you should do? I took up karate. I am now a black belt and the word(s) "self-confidence" were created just for me. I'm not arrogant, nor do I show off my abilities. I don't even tell people about it, though one or two pub bullies have found out the hard way. I now have to beat women off with a sh*tty stick and nobody, nobody, treats me like a doormat anymore. Try it. Come back in a year and let us know how you go on - I would be genuinely interested to know.

Answer 5

All I can say to this is that you are suffering from a lack of self-worth and low self esteem.
There are things you can do to change your self-identity, but it takes time and a willingness to change.
Arrange to go to a counsellor. Counselling will start unlocking the reasons why you feel as you do.
You are going to have to trust that someone can help you untangle the source of all these things, many of which most probably relate to your early environment.
Much good luck in turning it around so that your life becomes what you want it to be.

Answer 6

well sweetie, you need to change a habit of a lifetime, stop comparing yourself to how you have behaved previously in a social environment, or you will never move forward, just revert back to how you were before, you need to make huge changes in yourself in regards to your self esteem, you sound like a nice man who just doesn't think highly of himself, not everyone is brimming with confidence, but they can fake it long enough to get to know someone, then they feel abit more relaxed and comfortable being themselves. you don't sound like you are comfortable in your own skin, once you come out of your shell abit and make some friends, you will find it is not as daunting as you might imagine. next time i girl looks at you, give her a friendly smile back and see if she approaches you, don't go overboard with the alcohol, just have a bit as dutch courage. why don't you ask some of your work mates out to a quietish pub and chat to them over a few games of pool or darts, that way, you don't feel the pressure to constantly keep a conversation going. i hope things pick up for you soon.

Answer 7

Try getting into some therapy, or reading some self help books on simple ways to boost your self esteem. We all look down on our faults, and do not see the good we have inside of us.
Three very simple things to start working on are; 1. eye contact. Very important!! When talking with someone, keep eye contact. It is hard at first, but if you keep conscious of it, it will become a habit. 2. Never look down when you walk around, keep your head up!! and 3. Smile... they are contagious, and to see someone smile back, makes you smile bigger inside, even if you didn't feel like doing it in the first place.
Find a hobby, and stop the self ridicule, or talk in chat rooms that are of interest. That helped me start to overcome my agoraphobia. Good luck!!

Answer 8

OK you are shy. It is nice way to be, you are not superficial and think deeply about things. It is the way you are. OK, you have your limitations, you would probably not want to be a concert pianist or a politician, but who cares. It is about time you accept yourself and celebrate your good points, such as your sensitivity and your ability to listen. When you learn to like yourself and realise you are worth other people liking you, other people will see you are worth getting to know. And there are people like you around as well, you probably just have not noticed.
If you do not like pubs do not go. Find something you do like such as sport or a hobby that involves other people, do it for the love of the activity and forget about making friends and friends will sort themselves out.

Answer 9

I am shy but if you ever saw me you would never think so. Alot of people think im a snob and that i love myself... its all a front.
I think shy boys are very sweet... what you need to do is just go up to a girl and ask her if you can buy her a drink. Just say to her your usually too shy to do that sort of thing an the conversation will get flowing... You also need to start speaking to girls on line.. this is a good way to build up cpnfidence as you can get used to speaking to girls in general and you know what to say to them etc.

I have I.M'd you..

Answer 10

Im not to sure but maybe what you need to do is join a club or group that really intrests you! This way you will be able to interact with people and start to build your confidance! Its not easy but you need to start interacting with people! You clearly want to so take that leap! You never know it may be fun! Good Luck!