My wife is having affairs.....?

Question

My wife has just told me she has had two affairs while abroad visiting her family. I have always been sure she was unfaithful, and as a result I have had a few one night stands.I also get excited when thinking of her with another man. She has expressed interest in group sex which both excites and scares me. A few years ago she ran up a £300 phone bill calling sex lines.


Until she told me she had been unfaithful I thought that I could accept it: however, I find it difficult to resolve my few (3) one night stands with her seeing the same person repeatedly.

She visits home every year for 2 months and I am not sure I can come to terms with the fact that she is probably going to see other men during these periods. We have two young children which complicates matters further, and I do not know what to do. Please could you give me some advice.

Answer 1

give me ur wife's mobile no.

Answer 2

Firstly - you were both unfaithful
Secondly - you both admitted it to each other and to a degree comfortable with it.
Thirdly - you are both still together given the circumstances.
Fourthly - you have tsalked about expanding your sexual excapades by discussing group sex

So - rather than hiding these one-night stands or you wife's affairs while she's away - why not be open about it. While sehe is abroad tell her to phone you after one of her sexual adventures and both enjoy a little phone sex describing in detail the encounter and visaversa.
also seriously consider threesomes and other couples. At least you are both open-minded to consider it and there is certainly no harm in giving it a try. But before that discuss the limitations of such an encounter (if any) so no one gets hurt. Start off slow - maybe she has sex with another guy while you are watching then the next time you are having sex with another woman while she is watching. Try videotaping the experience. Have someone videotape you and your wife having sex. And the list goes on
There are so many ciuples out there that have been married for so long that sex becomes routine. You are fortunate to have a wife that's open-minded aqnd definitely honest about her indiscretions. It might save you those expensive phone bills. Don't forget she still considers you her life-long partner.

Answer 3

You both have an unhealthly relationship with sex. I don't mean between the two of you, I mean individually. The phone bill is especially suspect. I would recommend that both of you see a psychologist (not psychiatrist) to get at the root of the issues. There may be abuse in your pasts that you're not aware of, or just general misunderstandings and unhealthy attitudes that were allowed to persist for years and are now manifesting themselves as betrayal and confusion.

It's very common to find infidelity in a Marriage, but there are legitimate reasons that each party should NOT find it acceptable if discovered. If there is truly no real commitment that this infidelity is destroying, then you must separate, regardless of the kids. Or, you can face your problems together, but separately.

Answer 4

Can this marriage be saved? Yes.
Is it likely? No.

In order to save your marriage, you both must change so much, it seems near impossible, but here's what I think needs to happen to save it.

Trust is gone. Trust is an essential issue in a relationship that is nurturing children. You both need to decide if you are willing to give up the affairs, promise you won't have affairs and keep the promise. Your wife doesn't need 2 months to visit her family. Insist she cut the length of stay to 7 to 10 days.

What children need most from their parents is for the parents to love each other. Love won't happen when you don't trust each other. Re-gaining that trust will be very difficult.

Give it all you have then after a reasonable time, if you see no progress or one or both of you are unwilling to try, getting out of the relationship is necessary. It is best to not allow things to float along. Make up your mind one way or the other as quickly as you can and then stick to it for all time.

One last note. Your Question mentions phone bills, but that is not enough to classify your Question in Consumer Electronics. It should be in Family and Relationships.

Answer 5

You really have nothing to say about it because you have cheated too. She saw the same person repeatedly, which is probably safer that 3 one night stands. Maybe she has felt that you were being unfaithful and as a result OF THAT, she too cheated. Honestly, you two should probably get a divorce. I would. Well, probably not, because when you get down to it, divorce is scary, especially with kids involved. I sure hope you guys figure something out. Best of luck!

Answer 6

Divorce is the obvious answer. Counceling won't work because you'll always have the feelings you have no matter what is said. She's a cheater, and women usually are, it's in their emotional nature to cling on to men. It happens man. If that excites you then you loving her is out of the question, you can't love someone and then fantasize about them having sex with someone else. Open relationships sound fun, sex with other partners and no anger from your partner really sounds swell, but if you know she's cheating on you TWO MONTHS out of every year then think of who she's cheating on you with when she's home. That's sad. Good luck.

Answer 7

That is one hell of a situation to be in. Sounds like you need to talk to her about how you feel about this. Maybe some marital counseling would benefit the two of you. If that doesn't work, maybe it would be best for the two of you to separate and get a divorce. If you're dead-set on staying in this relationship (no matter how screwed up it may be), maybe the solution would be for the two of you to join a swingers club or have you watch and be there for her as she's with another guy.

The fact of the matter is that no one on here can decide what's best for you, and you shouldn't expect them to. What you do with your relationship is between you and her, no matter what anyone thinks. I hope that for your sake, you make a decision that will be in your best interests.

Answer 8

You two are not married, you have no committed relationship, it is one of convenience. Too bad for the children. But if you are each acting the same way, stay "married" to each other so that those of us who might be looking for someone who is 'true blue' won't run into either of you. Realize, of course that whomever you sleep with, you are also sleeping with all those who that person has slept with. AIDS is still out there, and you certainly can get it. Promiscuity does have a price that it exacts......Sorry for you both....

Answer 9

I would see a counselor and really try to stick to monogamy. I'm not being a smart butt here. Since you have kids, it's important to have a trusting relationship. Your kids will be a product of the environment you create whether you like it or not. A counselor may help you put things into perspective better than anyone on here can. Good luck.

Answer 10

To help or care for others you must be in control of your self and deside what kind of person you are. Remember, just trying something will not define you. If the idea of an open marrage (or simiopen) drives you crazy you have your answer. Good luck.

Answer 11

Does she and the other guy have a life insurance policy out on you? Is it possible that a crime of passion could happen in this mix? Hmm. Think about the possibilities and it's scary. Your gut feeling is telling you one thing, but your emotions are getting in the way of it.