For the past three years I have maintained a father-son relationship with my ex-girlfriend's son. We started dating shortly after he was born and I am the only father that he knows. The relationship between my ex and I didn't work, primarily because she was still in love with the child's, whom I consider to be my son, father and she suffers from what her family seems to think is bipolar disorder. Anyway, during our relationship my ex was always very selfish, evil and spiteful and would always go back on her word. Earlier this month I married the woman of my dreams. I really wanted to have her son (whom I love as if he were my own son) serve as my ring bearer. However, knowing my ex the way I do, I was concerned that she might object or cause problems at the wedding. As a result I thought it would be best not to travel down that path so I opted to have my nephew serve instead. Now she has forbidden me from having any contact with the child. Was I wrong for doing this?
2006-06-28 17:15:53 · 22 answers · asked by cave man 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think you did the right thing. I think in a way she is trying to hold on to you through her son, that is why she is mad with you. If I were you I wouldn't let her pettiness interfere with my decisions. I would have done the same thing had I been in your shoes. Using your nephew was good judgement. Good luck with your marriage. Stop letting your ex get you down.
2006-06-28 17:21:12 · answer #1 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 10⤊ 2⤋
Your not wrong and it's actually none of her business what you did. The only person I feel sorry for is your son. It sounds like his mother is crazy and your relationship with your son is suffering because of it. It's sad that you felt you couldn't ask your son for fear of her reaction. But in all likelihood you were probably right. If you've known her this long then your inclinations are probably right. For your sake, you probably did the best for you and your wife. It's your day and by no means do you need an ex screwing things up. You shouldn't feel bad. Is your son upset? If he's not then definatley don't be upset. If he is, try to make amends.
She is definately in the wrong for forbidding you to see him. She is being selfish. Because if you raised this child as your own and he loves you as a father then he is being deprived and that's wrong. It doesn't matter if you share blood or not. Family is family. You said it yourself that she has problems, she is bipolar, maybe. She is in the wrong, not you. But the child shouldn't suffer and it sounds like he is right in the middle and being denied the love and attention he deserves.
Good Luck
2006-06-29 08:50:28 · answer #2 · answered by kristina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really thought of this little boy as a son you woudn't have thought twice about this. Since she obviously trusts you with the child you could have simply explained to her that you love him and want him in your wedding, but that you think it would be best if she not attend the wedding at all.
I see your logic in the decision you made - but now you have a little boy who missed out on your big day and who probably thinks you don't want to see him anymore. His feelings through all this should have been thought about.
2006-06-28 17:20:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know your ex and her son, but by the sounds of it, you were so NOT wrong. It's not like you were disrespectful or anything, but your wedding day is for you and your wife...not your ex. She cannot possibly be angry and you shouldn't feel bad at all. It sounds like the child in question is still young so as long as he isn't hurt by it it's ok.
2006-06-28 17:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My exfiance was an usher in my wedding. I would've maybe had this little boy in the wedding just to let her know that you wanted him in your life and you didn't want the marriage to change anything. He's her child though. In the end, he's going to suffer the most because all of the sudden, "daddy" is gone.
2006-06-28 17:21:26 · answer #5 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're way too bitter and indignant and now to positioned your son contained in the course of that's merely undeniable ridiculous. enable your adult son make his own judgements. that is not any longer your decision. you want to flow on. you're divorced - which potential you aren't any more getting to inform him what to do anymore. you want some extreme remedy. you want to ascertain out why, after 4 years of being divorced, you're nonetheless preserving on to this anger and letting it RULE YOUR existence. that is not any longer time-honored. that is not any longer healthful. and also you somewhat want to discover another methods to occupy some time than stressful about your ex who has probable moved on. you want to get to the position the position you could say "That became my previous. it isn't my modern-day and under no circumstances my destiny. His possibilities aren't any more my duty. My existence is lower than my administration. i opt for to enable this anger flow and commence to construct my existence the way that i like it to be." turn the web page. enable it flow. that is not any longer your existence anymore - do not waste any extra time or ability in this man or woman. Please get help.
2016-10-13 22:43:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Wedding, usually is one of the most important and special events of the Brides life. So you could not chance it, since you could not case how the X would react. I`m sure you feel sad for your Lil` pal, but he`ll get over it in time,(probably before his mother does), you must leave "everything" now, and cleave to you wife. Make sure she`s happy.
2006-06-28 17:41:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no there is nothing wrong with not having you ex's son at your wedding you dont want to start any drama and i understand that, but however you were afaid that she object to the wedding. do you have feelings for her, are you worried that she may get you back, i kno for a fact that she wants you and she is using you not being able to see that poor child to get back at you for not having him in your wedding because you know what she is all about. so no you were not wrong. but you shouldve searched to see if you still were caught up in these feelings with this rude ***** that is using this poor baby to get back at you
2006-06-28 17:23:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, you weren't wrong. You did what you thought was best for everyone, including your ex and her son. Maybe if you just let things cool off, and try to explain to her the way you saw the situation, she may change her actions.
2006-06-28 17:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by Ilana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I think you were wrong. If he was like a son to you then there shouldn't have even been a doubt. You didn't have to invite her. But I'm sure he was sad that he wasn't in your wedding. She probably isn't letting you see him because you broke his little heart.
2006-06-29 02:35:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋