do you know any good jokes?

Answer 1

How do you catch a Polar Bear..............

simple..........dig a whole in the ice........sprinkle some peas around...........hide in the blind....when he comes up KICK him in the ICEWHOLE................have a good one

Answer 2

A woman walks into a pet store planning to buy a bird. While there she sees a huge beautiful bird and decides she must have it. She looks at the price tag, and it is marked down from $5,000 to $50.00. She asks the clerk why the bird is so cheap and the clerk says, "This bird was seized by the police during a raid on a House of ill Repute, the price is low because it occasionally says things that are innapropriate."

The woman thinks about this and decides to buy the bird anyway. She takes the bird home and hangs its cage and the bird says, "New home, New Madam." The woman is surprised but laughs it off.

Later that day, the woman's two daughters come home from school and the bird says, "New home, New Madam, New Girls." The woman explains about the bird and the girls laugh it off too.

That night the woman's husband, Keith, come home after work.

The bird says, "Hi, Keith!"

Answer 3

A man was watching tv while his 3 daughters were getting ready for dates. There was a knock at the door and the man answered. A young gentleman said," hi my name is Beau. I come to pick up Flo for the show. Can she go?" The father let the guy in and told him to have a seat while Flo was getting ready.

Minutes later there was a second knock and this time it was another gentleman. He said," Hi my name is Eddy and I come to pick up Ceddy to take her to eat spaghetti. is she ready?" Again, the father had him to come in and have a seat.

About 10 minutes later there was a third knock at the door. This gentleman replied," Hi. My name is Buck." The father said,"Hell no. She not going!!!!" and slammed the door.

Answer 4

Construction worker language
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A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.

The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, "What the heck is wrong with you! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!"

The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, "I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming."

Answer 5

Guy walks into a bar, starts drinking double scotchs. After about 3, he calls the bartender over and says, "Say, bartender, are you a betting man?" Bartender says, "I might be, whaddya have in mind?" Guy says, "I'll bet you $5 I can bite my right eye." Bartender says, "ok, $5 says you can't bite your right eye." Guy plucks out his eyeball and bites it - glass eye. Bartender is pissed, but pays the guy $5. 2 or 3 drinks later, guy bets bartender he can bite his left eye. Bartender says, "You didn't come in here with a cane or a seeing eye dog, so I don't think you're blind. $5 says you can't bet your left eye. Guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. Guy keeps drinking. After about 10 double scotches, he's lit. Calls bartender and says, "I'm gonna give you a chance to get even. $20 says I can stand on this end of the bar, piss in a shot glass at the other end of the bar, and fill it up." Bartender says, "Are you nuts? This is a 40 foot bar!" Guy goes to the other end of the bar, lines up a shot glass, crawls up on a stool, stands on the bar, whips it out, and pisses all over the bar. Bartender is thrilled, cries " I got you, you SOB, give me my money. Drunk pays him off and staggers out the door. 2 other guys walk in. Bartender is still doubled over laughing, says, "Hey, did you see that guy that just staggered out of here? You're not gonna believe this! He just bet me $20 he could stand on this end of the bar, piss in a shot glass at the other end of the bar, and fill it up!!" One of the guys says, "Hey, he's not as dumb as you think. About an hour ago he bet us $100 he could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it!
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Answer 6

billy bob and bob went out hunting suddenly bob clutched his chest and fell to the ground... billy bob grabbed his cell phone and called 911" Help i think my friend is dead" he said "OK Calm down " said the operator "first lets be sure hes dead" suddenly the operator heard a loud bang then billy bob came back and said " O.K. whats next"

Answer 7

sorry, I just liked the jokes, they were funny, I had to call my husband at work and tell him about billy bob.

Answer 8

No, no bad ones either.