Why do girls prefer the guys that will end up hurting them over the nice guys that actually listen to them?

Question

I met a girl 7 months ago, and she was having trouble with a relationship, and I was the first guy that ever listened to her side of the story. And we were friends for awhile, then we started liking eachother, and eventually we supposedly loved eachother. Then out of the blue she said she just wanted to be friends, and our love for eachother ended rite there. Thing is I guess I had been there for her too long as a friend, and listened to her problems, so she chose her ex lover she still loved even though he had a history of hurting her. And now me and her are just best friends, while she's back with her ex lover. Why choose him over me when I've never hurt her, and always been there to talk to? I still love her even though we agreed to be best friends.........

Answer 1

I think she wants to just be friends because she doesn't want to hurt the relationship you already have with her. For instance, what happens if the relationship doens't work out like you hoped it would and it ends in a bad argument? Things wouldn't be the same between the two of you. Right now, you seem to be her confident. If you aren't speaking to her anymore, it would be a real loss, so she probably doesn't want to take any chances. As for her ex, I don't know why girls keep going back to the ones that hurt them. I guess maybe it's because they expect love to be difficult and they can't see the good things right in front of them.
I think right now, you should respect her wishes and just be her friend, but hopefully she'll see that you are better for her than her ex (or currnet boyfriend?).

Answer 2

Happened to me before too mate!

I think it is something to do with the victim-rescuer-persecutor triangle...(not sure exactly what the terms are)

Basically, she was the victim, you the rescuer, him the persecutor.

The rescuer role is a dangerous one as any police man who has been to a domestic violence call knows this all too well.

By you playing the rescuer she is still the victim. Helping her break out of that cycle is whats needed, and listening - while important - is not enough. She needs to find a place of strength where she can CHOOSE to break the cycle and not be a victim anymore. You cant do that for her though.

By going back to that guy she may have chosen to stay the victim...

Doesn't answer your question... but maybe someone can it explain the dynamic better than me

Answer 3

I think that she made a HUGE mistake. I don't ever understand girls like that. If you did what you said, listened to her and never hurt her then she messed up big time. The only explanation i can give you coming from a girl, is that sometimes, certain girls like a challenge, and you were giving her everything she needed...with no challenge. But PLEASE never change, there are girls out there that love that there are guys that actually listen and care for them.

Answer 4

whats up. My call is Rachel, i might opt to think of i comprehend what i'm speaking approximately. each little thing you have referenced that ladies people supposedly like alludes to the boldness of the assholes of our society. the only ingredient appealing approximately those adult men is that all of us comprehend precisely what is going to ensue. whilst a woman is going right into a courting with (what should not be, yet is) a wild card, somebody who looks candy and emotionally solid, she faces the opportunity of honest sadness. it would no longer be honest, yet premeditated failure is far less threatening. even however, that may no longer this variety of man or woman to place self assurance in. To be friends with, or greater in view that it rather is the concern right here. each high quality you have torn your self down approximately may be stable. Smile, in view which you are the only man or woman who could make issues artwork out. additionally, does your little lanyard interior the 1st image say DECA?

Answer 5

Because for what ever reason most chicks like to have something to ***** about for attention, it sickening but true. Only with age do women usually learn that love doesn't hurt and finally learn to be with the nice/good guy. So sad.

Answer 6

because women hate men who are too nice, men that will actually take care of them.You've got to have a little bad streak about you. Its sad that its like that, but its the truth, whether they say it or not. This is the kind of stuff that turns nice, respectful men into the lying, cheating "dogs" that some, not all, of you women have problems with.

Answer 7

She is too immature for you. She tried to be a different person, and it lasted for 7 months. But then she fell back into the person she really was. And left you to go back to him.

It is not you, she just was not grown up enough.

PS, some people never grow up, no matter what age they are.

Answer 8

because shallow girls with no self esteem like to be treated like garbage. Dont ask why because that's the way it has ALWAYS been dude. My advise, when you see a girl like that who will tell her problems to any one willing to play shrink, run. A mature and respectable woman does not air her dirty laundry, especially to other men. She is ust using you for the male attention she is not getting from her man. After you listen to her whining (when her man won't) she runs home to have sex with her boyfriend after you made her feel better and gave her a little ego boost. He is reaping the benefits of your work. She is flakey, dont bother with her. trust me

Answer 9

Because you can't help who you love. There's something with her ex boyfriend that just keeps bringing her back to him. You're probably a great guy, a guy every girl says she wants, but when she meets a guy she loves, there's no helping it.

I'm convinced it's love that's complicated, not women ;)

Answer 10

Because most of the time the nice guys are geeky looking and the mean ones are fine true that email me at bossy_babygirl_pink@yahoo holla