Can you help me to come out of the closet?

Question

I am 14 and i really want to come out of the closet about being gay. However, I'm afraid of how many friends i might lose if i do. So I'm an active church member since last year. But I only go to church to hang out with friends, not for spiritual purposes. I can come out of the closet at school but I still have some second thoughts. But then again, is it really nessesary (I know there's a c in there somewhere) for my friends to know? But I really don't want to lose my church friends. Help please.

I consider myself an atheist. I have no interest in being a Christian.

Answer 1

Well, if you do this at a young age, know that you will lose a lot of friends and will maintain only those who really honestly truly are your friends. Be prepared to spend time being made fun of and being ridiculed and harassed, this usually lasts during High School plus anyways students always find something to torment each other about.

The "light" is, you are honest with yourself and you will make new friends and meet people who honestly like you for you. You can move on with your life and learn to become more adapted in your shoes.

Know that being gay is not about sex and don't fall prey to older guys who will take advantage of your new found sense of self. Join a group for gay youth and check on the Internet for religious gay youth groups too, ones that will focus more on your spirituality and realtionship with God rather than on your being gay.

Being Gay is not a bad thing or a sin, it is who you are and you will have to learn to be Happy with yourself in spite of the people who will try to bring you down and condemn you, remember God loves everyone, man hates and creates hate, there is support out there for you, but don't be taken advantage of.

As an athiest you dont have to believe in religion and don't believe in God but think of all the good things on earth and spiritually find yourself, don't abandon that, it will keep you focused and give you comfort when you need it.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Samba has a great answer and you should truly take her advice. However, I feel the need to add just a little to it.

First, if your Christian friends are who they say they are then it won't matter. However, I have one thing to add, DO NOT BURN BRIDGES YOU WILL TAKE FOREVER TO REBUILD. I know you are kid so I will break that down for you. Don't tell anyone yet. If you decide you aren't gay, kids are merciless and they won't ever let you forget. Some won't anyway.

And hey, while you are hanging out at church, why don't you just give God a little chance. He might just make your life a little less hectic and worrisome if you would listen to what He has to say about His will for you and your being gay. He may take care of some of those bridges for you.

(also, don't be emailing Terry. You are a KID. You can tell from his picture he is an old man. That is NOT normal. I am a mom of 4. I beg you not to do it)

Answer 3

If your Christian friends are really Christians as you say they are, they will still be your friends. As Christians the Bible tells us to love one another. It also says that judgment is not for us, but for God alone. The Bible also says that ALL have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. Even though the Bible also tells us that homosexuality is a sin, we are ALL sinners in some form or another. But God still loves us anyway and he has commanded us to love one another. So, do your thing, come out to your friends, if you feel comfortable doing so. If they reject you, then they were never really very good friends in the first place. If they are really Christian then they will not judge you, but instead will continue to love you and be your friends.

One more thing -- don't just go to church for socializing. If you are going to be active in church, do try to get something out of it. Read your Bible frequently so you can see what God has to say to you.

Answer 4

Just because you have different feelings doesn't mean you won't be excepted into the social world. The Gay Lesbian community is so large now that it's not uncomon to hear about it. I doubt your friends will care, a little shocked maybe. But if they're really your friends they will like you for you and won't just drop you because your gay. It's like getting rid of a friend because they don't like the same icecream as everyone else, It's pointless. I hope this helps, If not let me no :) :)

Answer 5

I know how you feel I'm gay and comming out is a difficult thing to do. I had the problem all through school and into my adult life. I'm now 46. I spent 10 years in the navy where you couldn't tell anyone or you get kicked out. The decision to come out or not is truely yours. How, when and to whom is something that you have some control over. If you decide to, I suggest that you do it one-on-one with only your closest friends. Later, when you are more comfortable, you can tell more friends. Be sure to set up the situation by telling them that you have something very serious to tell them. Tell them that you are really afraid to tell them because you don't want to loose their friendship. Then explain it to them. Don't just blurt ti out because they may react with shock. Setting it up as I said will prepare them for the seriousness of it and reduce the shock for them. It may take a couple of days or more for them to really get it and come to an understanding. However, if they are true friends they will realize that you are the same person you were before and that it doesn't matter. While people are more tollerant today than when I was 14, there are risks. Becareful not to let them hurt you, physically or emotionally. As far as comming out at church, most churches are very anti-gay and that is very risky. You must make that decision. You haven't said anything about yor parents. You may want to come out to them first so they don't find out from someone else. I would do that the same way as I suggested for your friends. Get them together at a quiet time without brothers or sisters there. Tell them that you love them and don't want to loose their love, but that you need to tell them something.

I have found that most people don't really care. I am out at my job, all men and more than 100 of them. No one has changed the way they work or talk to me. I do get some jokes and teasing but nothing that they intend to hurt me. I have answered many questions from them, they want to understand so they ask.

Young people in your age group can be very mean to people who are "different". They are very impressionable and adults do influnce their opinions on this issue. They also get very bad information from friends and older brothers and sisters.

Be careful and good luck! If you want to ask me more my e-mail is [e-mail] I will not discuss sex with you, you need to talk to you parents about that or search for information on the web.

Sincerly,
Terry

Answer 6

To thine own self be true. There are support groups for you everywhere. But I don't think you need to make a huge deal of it. Tell your parents in a private setting. Tell close friends. At this age, I caution from telling those that will tell others. (safety is a concern) But in the end, know that you are who you are no matter what you gain or lose in friends. And if you lose friends, they are the ones who are poorer for it.

ps being a church-goer doesn't mean you hate gays. no matter what the fundamentalists on this thing think!

Answer 7

Hey, if your friends are your real friends and your family loves you unconditionally then you wont have a problem. You're half way there, go on through that door. The weight of the world will be lifted! Remember, God loves everyone.

Answer 8

If you lose friends when you come out you REALLY didn't want the friends you lose.
But beside that one way to do it is make it over dramatic. such as
My cousin told everyone he was dieing wait for ppl to start freaking out then said just kidding i am only gay.
We were so relived that he wasnt sick that we didn't care he was gay (even though we all would have loved him with out the drama)

Answer 9

Well, stud, you're still pretty young. I would recommend waiting a little while before coming out. It's great that you want to come out and learn more about yourself, but it might be a good idea to wait til you're about 18 ... that way if something happens you're old enough to live on your own.

:-)

Answer 10

The big problem here is that you go to church to hang with friends instead of turning to GOD for love and guidance to steer you away from the evil feelings that make you think that you are gay. You are letting Satan lead your life. I wish you the best.