im 19, still living at home and they make me commute to college, which is 110 miles away, everday. i still cant date anyone and they expect me to find someone and get married, but i cant leave the house. im the oldest girl in an ALL portuguese family. its kinda like a My Big Fat Greek Wedding deal. help me.. please.
2006-06-28 14:33:47 · 23 answers · asked by princess_of_dark_power 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As much as you are spending on gasoline, you can afford an apartment, sharing it with a friend, near the college.
2006-06-28 14:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by mrsdebra1966 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are 19 you are old enough to live on your own if you want to do that. The choice is really yours. Your family cannot 'force' you to stay. I would contact the school and ask about housing options, dorms, etc. You can get financial aid assistance through the college to subsidize your housing so you can live closer to the school, avoid driving, and have more time to study and socialize with others your age. There isn't any law which says you have to stay in your parents home once you turn 18.
2006-06-28 22:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by daddysnurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you still living in Portugal, or are you in the US? If in the US, just take off - you are of age, and have been since you turned 18.
Is the problem that if you leave, they will stop paying for your college? If so, get a place of your own, and apply for a Pell Grant--you will then be eligible.
It is very hard to be respectful to parents and have a happy life at the same time for some. I hope you can fix the situation - this is unhealthy for you.
2006-06-28 21:39:23 · answer #3 · answered by Terri C. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation....My best advice would be to try and sit down with them and CALMLY discuss your feelings. The key is to not get upset...talk to them calmly and with love and respect. Have the points you want to discuss already mapped out in your head so that if tempers flare, you can stay focused. A commute that long every day is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT (not to mention, eats up a lot of extra study time) and that may be a good place to start. Tell them how hard it is for you and that you want to talk to them about finding a solution....maybe finding a place for you closer to school. If they agree, you can take baby steps and talk to them more about relationships later....like after you are out of the house. If you mention wanting to move out and relationships at once, they might think that is the only reason you want to leave. Show your respect for your parents and your family's traditions and hopefully they will show respect for your feelings and wishes as well. Best of luck!!
2006-06-28 21:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by nic2127 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you continue to allow them to arrange everything in your life, then you will probably end up with a man who does the same thing. You have to make a choice between your Independence and their controls. But, you have to be able to support yourself to do that. Any friends at college who would allow you to roommate with them while you look for work?
It's hard to break old cultural traditions. Are you up to breaking the pattern? Are you willing to risk the consequences? Is it important enough to you? At 19, I would normally say, don't be in a hurry, but there are obviously circumstances here outside the norm. Most notably, not being able to date at your age. that seems a little too controlling.
2006-06-28 21:53:10 · answer #5 · answered by Dale P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough stuff, isn't it? Especially first-generation. All I can advise is this - when you feel you can stop relying on them - for money, for tuition, for books, for food - then you make the decision to say "I am moving closer to college - I'll be back on weekends if you like, or I will not be back if you don't like".
Who is paying for your college, food, etc., now? Are you working and paying rent, doing chores, your own laundry, all that? No one can make you depedant, if you are not willing to be dependent, except you.
I am sure that they just love you and want the best for you in a world that is much different, and to them dangerous, than the one they grew up in.
Be compassionate, but begin to be your own person in all ways - including money.
2006-06-28 21:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't yell bc/ u won't get anything out of it
so just kind of sit down and talk to them- u talk they listen until the very end then they can talk
tell them {in a very nice way} that u r getting older and that ur not the little girl that u used to be and that dating is a part of life its how u find ur sole mate and that u'd like to still see them but just get on w/ ur life and don't say it like u wouldn't ever like to see them again but u know sit em down and talk to them- a deep conversation!!!
good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
and srry if this didn't help
2006-06-28 21:40:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
at 19 they can't make you do anything.. move out.. you are legal age to do so. Why on earth would you continue to live at home under those kind of restrictions?
2006-06-28 21:36:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents may seem controlling but it seems like they are scared to let you go. They love you, and are afaid you are only safe under their watch. You have to prove to them that you are an adult and can take care of yourself, but do it in a loving respectful way, and hopefully they will see you as an adult, not their baby.
2006-06-28 22:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by Emelia U 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to them. Be thankful and respectful of their wishes... the more you rebel the harder they will fight. Prove you are responsible and that you need to try things on your own, you need to make your own mistakes in order to learn from them. And let them know that you know they will always be there for you if you need them and that you hope that never changes. But you also need to experience life for yourself and learn from those experiences. Just talk to them.
2006-06-28 21:39:48 · answer #10 · answered by chaoscausingleo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋