my mother has always favored the two boys, now that she is 82 and needs to be close to family, she choose to come live close to me and my sister, we are expected to wait on her, yet the two boys refuse to do any help, yet are still favored when they come to visit.
2006-06-28 13:49:42 · 15 answers · asked by rileyd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You gotta do whats right for her now and let the past go,..someday she wont be here and you will miss her, so like someone else said suck it up, bite your lip and do whats right for her now.
My Mom is 75 , and hardley a week goes by that I dont have to bite that lip of mine, sometimes i think im going to get a bloody lip i have to bite it so hard, lol.. But its worth it cause i love her and know when the day comes when shes no longer here, i will miss her and even miss having to bite my lip lol
2006-06-28 14:42:07 · answer #1 · answered by itsallover 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One option is to be polite and set appropriate boundaries...
It will not change the past but you can have a more positive effect on how you manage the situation. One question to ask is what purpose do you have in telling her this? It may not solve anything so try and focus on things in your control. You can only control how you react to her requests and you can make a decision to say no if you think you are not being respected or if she is demanding. It does not have to be a discussion just small steps that you take to make the situation more manageable. She is 82 and if she has been this way your whole life it is unlikely to change. The one thing to think about is that you are an adult and you should not feel expected to do anything. Your obligation is to be polite and make sure her basic needs are met, especially if she cannot care for herself. This may mean that you discuss as a family getting home care of a personal assistant so you and your sister are not burden and overwhelmed.
2006-06-28 13:59:52 · answer #2 · answered by Sham's Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all she is 82 years old. It's a little late to be telling her you don't much care about her. You should have done it 40 years ago.
What you do now is every time she wants or needs you or something you let the answering machine pick-up, you don't call her back until it's her bed time and always tell her that you just spoke to your brother who said he would come over and help or take her some where.
You need to become a good actress and a good liar. You need to stop answering the phone so much and catering to her needs, the sooner you get her calling her sons the better.
And another thing she is playing on your guilt. Stop allowing her to do this. She is a grown woman and there are plenty of resources in your community, get her those numbers. But like I said, always tell her you just spoke to your brother who stated he wanted to help her. Yea, he will call you up and say why did you say that to Mom, and all you tell him is, "I never said that to mom, tell him you're worried about Mom, that she seems to be saying things and doing things and not remembering, tell him how sorry you are with all the confusion and that you can understand why he would be so mad at you, but that you would never just speak for him, also tell him that you believe Mom just wants him right now but is afraid to ask.
That should help you.
2006-06-28 14:23:37 · answer #3 · answered by You got Moxie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what I did. Sit down at the table and very calmly say "I don't really like you". and be sure to look her straight in the eye. Then tell her that she needs to ask the boys to help her out. There is nothing wrong with giving her some of your time, if you want to, but hand and foot. Bulls**t. If there is no response or a negative response, just tell her that's the way it is and get up and leave. Don't make yourself a door mat. If you don't like the situation, then change it. Don't just moan and groan about something and do nothing about it. You do have the power to make a difference in the situation. Speak up to the brothers. Tell them they will help her. When she calls for you, tell her to call her sons. Then call your brothers and tell them their mother needs them. Also there are organization out there who will help your mother if she needs it. Stand firm and quit letting family walk all over you. Thank god she is not living with you.
2006-06-28 14:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by c.nolan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one!!!! most likely she feels that you and your sister are better able to take care of her then your brothers and the fact that she has and still favors them is sad.. but you also have to remember that she is your mother and unfortunately some parents tend to have favorites and there is nothing you can do are say that will change it.. just do what you feel is right and what's in your heart and be the better person and yes i know it hurts... Good Luck!!!!
2006-06-28 13:58:49 · answer #5 · answered by DeeDee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can favor the boys all she wants. But no matter what, she is still your mother. You have to hold back any anger you for her. Talk to her about it, if she don't care to hear it from you. Then step back and take a deep breath.
Just be with her all you can, before time runs out.
2006-06-28 13:56:03 · answer #6 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, moms seem to favor boys. Something about the Oedipal complex.
If mom needs help with daily activities maybe you can move her to a local assisted living facility where there are other people her age that she can socialize with. This may help with her being so demanding.
2006-06-28 13:54:32 · answer #7 · answered by knittinmama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose you are perfect? She's 82 and your mother, you wouldn't even be here without her. Why not just be a better person than you are?
2006-06-28 13:58:56 · answer #8 · answered by Wayne H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look your mother is you mother and no matter how you feel she loves you and allways will and rember this you only get one true mom in this life try to forgive
2006-06-28 13:55:09 · answer #9 · answered by summer d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to go live with her boys. Don't wait on her.
2006-06-28 23:05:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋