I just called it off with my girlfriend...WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?

Question

Me and my girl having dating for 4 years. Everything was perfect.; we were unseperable. She started to have mixed feelings and didn't know if she wanted to stay with me or be single. I felt like I was pressuring her to stay in the relationship so I finally gave her what she wanted. I was totally upset but it appeared that she wasn't hurt. I knew she was..she just didn't show it.

What do I do know? 4 years with one person every day. Everything I did was her. I can't freaking listen to the radio or go eat at restuarants or sleep in my bed because all I do is remember her at these places! How do I get over someone I was so deep with? This is impossible...I'm so upset I don't know what to do. Everything reminds me of her....help.

Answer 1

First, remember that there is a reason why you broke things off. You don't necessarily have to focus on the bad things about her or your relationship, but don't idealize how things were, either. For whatever reason, you two just weren't right for each other. If things had really been "perfect", you wouldn't have broken up.

When my boyfriend and I broke up, we had been together for three years, so I can sympathize with how much history you two had. Unfortunately, those things are going to remind you of her for quite a long time. What helped me the most was reducing the triggers - If a song came on the radio that I knew would upset me, I turned it off. I tried going to new restaurants instead of always going to the ones where we had gone. This might seem obvious, but at the time there was definitely a part of me that wanted to hear those songs and go to those places, to remember and be sad, and I had to force myself not to go there so much.

Cry when you need to, talk to friends when you feel like it, give yourself permission to be alone sometimes. It's okay to grieve for your relationship that has ended, but then...

Refocus your life. Start a new hobby. Drive a different route to work. Read something really interesting. Rediscover things that you may have liked at one point, but gave up because you didn't have time while dating her. Volunteer for a non-profit organization whose cause you believe in. Spend time with your family. Meet new people, spend time with your friends or make new ones, and eventually... go on dates. I would suggest not jumping into another relationship right away, but after a few months it'd be good for you to experience the possiblities of a new relationship.

I hated when people told me that there were plenty of fish in the sea, that I would meet someone, that I deserved better... but frankly, it's true. There is someone out there who is right for you, and you will meet her. But in order to do that, you have to be a complete person - Whole, happy, and willing to take chances again.

You are going to be miserable for awhile, but don't let it eat you up. I promise, it will get better.

Answer 2

Time heals all wounds try going places that you and her didn't go don't let her get the best of you continue to live your life the worst thing you can do is give up never let em see you sweat I know its hard but try and find some friends to hang out with to take your mind off of her all you can do is your best and it sounds like you did that so your part is done its her lost the next guy probably will treat her like dirt the single life is not all that she thinks it is just keep your head up and be strong you will be OK the hurt don't last always look at life as no pain no gain your next relationship will be better sometime these things happen for a reason

Answer 3

I'm so sorry hon...I can feel your pain in your words (((healing hugs))). It's a fresh wound and everything right now is going to remind you of her, absolutely. You did one of the most selfless things I've heard...you felt her unhappiness and let her go free to find her hearts desire. I commend you for that. Some would try to hold on no matter how miserable the girlfriend was. Mourn your loss...grieve for the lost love and relationship, it's the only way to heal. Then when you're ready, pick yourself up and move yourself forward. Remember that relationships are supposed to get better with each person...as long as we learn and grow from the old relationship. You will love again, I promise.

Answer 4

One day at a time.
You're not going to get over her right away, and it's unreasonable to expect that. Allow yourself to grieve--it's not weak to be sad over the loss of someone you love.

There'll always be stuff that reminds you of her, and for a while it's going to hurt. This is natural.

The best thing you can do now is to find a new hobby. Something you've always wanted to do but never have for whatever reason.
Something that makes you feel alive. This will take your mind off the pain, even if it's only for a little while.

Spend time with a friend who enjoys your company.

Go somewhere you've never been. Explore. Now is the time to discover yourself--and who knows, you might find out some pretty interesting stuff!

Above all, take it one day at a time. Some days will be harder than others, but you WILL get through this. You really will.

Answer 5

After I left my boyfriend of 3 years I had a hard time getting over him too. But my situation was different from yours. You just got to accept that she is gone and try to go out. Call some of your friends that understand you and that know where to take you. You got to get back on your feet. Don't let her get to you. You'll find someone that will feel the same way about you but you got to give it some time. Let yourself heal. And don't just jump on to the first girl that wants you. Be careful of you choose. Be patient with love again, learn from the first relationship.

Answer 6

Time heals all wounds. Either call her up and tell her what you just told us...or....let time take its course. Don't jump right into something else. Rebounds don't work. Let yourself heal, and allow her some time too. Sounds like the two of you just needed a bit of time to find out what the priorities are. It's very evident that you love her, and my guess is she loves you too...she just needed a wake-up call, and some time to get her thoughts straight. You gave her the opportunity to find out what she wanted, and when she's figured it all out, she will let you know. One way or the other, she will.

Answer 7

it takes time,four years is along time to be with somebody.but sometimes people grow apart its sad but it happens.right now you probley think you will never get over it but guess what you will.you will miss her go through the phase where you see her everywhere.everything will remind you but time is amazing in healing a broken heart.you might not ever forget her but as time goes on its gets a little less painful.just hang there i know your a guy but have a good cry get rid of all the things that remind you and go on . good luck

Answer 8

If everything was perfect, why did she pull away? Maybe you were too clingy or posessive. Nothing turns a woman off more. Sometimes these things work out for the best, you can learn from it and take it easy in your next relationship. Don't obsess over her, it's not healthy!

Answer 9

here's a list of things to do, do them in this order:

1) cry. seriously, it makes you feel a little better. take as long as you need.
2) go to the gym. you'll most likely be angry after you cry, and we dont want you taking it out on other people, so go lift weights, run, use punching bags.
3) go out with your guy friends, do something guys do, go to hooters and watch a game and eat wings and drink beer and stare at girls with big boobs
4) go to a club, dance with all the girls, dont think about your ex

repeat 3 and 4 as needed, cuz it will take time

Answer 10

if u find a new girlfriend make sure she is not like ur last girlfriend or u might start to be happy or feel more sadder.or try to hook up with somebody on the coputer and send pictures to each other