Would you think badly of someone who self harmed?

Question

I'm not talking about someone who does it for attention, I'm talking about someone who goes to great lengths to hide the fact that they self harm, but occasionally might feel like they needed to confide in someone about it?

Answer 1

As a self-harmer myself, not to mention someone who spent a lot of time counselling college students who self-harmed and running a self-harm community online – one of the first of it's kind, one that took a healthy attitude towards self-harm (rather than encouraging people to quit or glorifying self-harm) – no, I would not think badly of someone who self-harms.

Self-harm is too misunderstood still; it's the result of someone who for some reason lacked in social upbringing in the formative years and so lacks 'normal' coping methods. All is fine for most up until those teens' years where everything becomes so important and for some it is too much, things like break-ups and fights with parents can trigger off self-harm. It still saddens me that so many people try to stop, or are forced to stop through guilt through their loved ones, self-harm does not stop, you cannot reverse what made you who you are…you can only find out why you are who you are, discover your triggers, avoid those triggers and try to learn new coping methods.
Stopping self-harm itself is very harmful, it makes me sick that people are so closed minded to exactly what this problem is, it is not just attention seeking it is something that effects a person their whole life and not something they can safely just stop cold-turkey.

Answer 2

Self harm is similar to an impulse control disorder (see DSM IV TR). Does the self harming serve a purpose? What is that purpose. In my understanding, behaviours like this begin so as to take the mind away from something more painful/ anxiety provoking, and often is a plea.

For instnance: (I) witnessed an accident where the driver of a car was flung out of the driving seat of her car and was decapitated when she hit the car in front. This experience was so traumatic that I now do not go down that road anymore. In fact, because I work in the centre of town that has many one way roads, I now take an extra twenty minutes to get to work every morning so as to avoid the feelings of anxiety.

People at work start noticing that I come in late to work and start to ask me about the reason for me not being as punctual. Eventually I broach the subject. This is a step in the right direction.

I know that my actions are irrational, but I need to realise the deeper fear which is brought on by visiting that traumatic place. I can either deal with the immediate problem by flooding the anxiety until there is no more anxiety left, or I could question the underlying reason for my panic, visiting the place inside me that is represented by the physical place that produces anxiety.

There is o reason to think badly of a person who self harms. We all have 'stuff' and we all deal with it in differnt ways. There are more effective ways of dealing though.

See also: Trauma reenactment syndrome.

Answer 3

Um. We all self-harm in some way, whether it be cutting, illegal drug use, smoking, drinking, gambling, over eating, emotional self pity, etc. I'm assuming you're talking about cutting or a simular behavior? It's gotten a lot of attention lately. I can't say I think it's that new, because I know as a kid in the 70s, I rubbed the back of my hand with an eraser until it bled. You should probably seek out someone to confide in though. A school counselor, pastor, psychologist...whoever you're comfortable with. It will get better!

Answer 4

The main reason any body self harms is for some form of attention but more commonly, some form of love. You confide in someone you feel you can trust. It's a very controlling thing to do. But it's just a way to reduce your feelings of insecurity.

I wouldn't think badly of them but I also wouldn't trust them or seek to get too close to them. I certainly wouldn't be drawn in to repeatedly persuading them why they shouldn't do it. Some use this method as a way of getting somebody else to show that they care.

I'd say stop doing it, start valuing yourself.
It's up to you but if you don't care about yourself why should I?

If somebody cares about you and you are harming yourself, you are both their friend and their enemy. It would be you harming the person they care about.

Answer 5

I wouldn't think badly of someone who self harms. Some do it because they don't have any other coping skills to deal with what is going on in their lives. I think that they would need to try any learn more effective coping strategies that would put them less at risk of accidental suicide from accidentally going to far with self harming.
Definitely confiding in someone you trust can help you get the help you need, or at least someone to talk to.

Answer 6

No I would not think badly of them - sometimes that it how people deal with repressed feelings as only the pain makes things bearable. They do however need to improve their self esteem and learn other coping mechanisms for emotional conflict if they are to learn how to cope without self-harming and for that they need professional help. Support them, don't judge, tell them how great they are and ask if you can help them maybe by accompanying them to counselling or looking at websites together that deal with this subject.

Answer 7

I lived with a girl who used to cut her self - and starting drinking very heavely - and even though I lived with her I didn't notice for months until it was summer and I saw the cuts.

Deep down it was a cry for help. I thought someone has attacked her - but after a very long time I found out she was doing it to herself.

she simply hated her self and hated her life.

luckly we did sort it out with some professional help and a lot of support from friends and family

she is now happy in a relationship and looks fab....

some time it's because you are looking for something and you don't know what it is.

Answer 8

No I would wonder why you are hurting yourself. Sometimes people use this to deal with their stresses in life but you may want to try the rubber band trick instead of cutting, which I am assuming you are doing. Just put a rubber band on your wrist and instead of cutting you could snap the rubber band. Also you should go to your community mental health and try counseling, they can help you figure out why you do this and help reach alternative methods. Good Luck and you are a great person who deserves a chance.

Answer 9

Why would you want to think badly about someone who harms themselves? They are asking for help when they confide in someone. They need help, not pity or hatred. Try suggesting counseling to them, in a non-judgmental way. Be their friend and offer to help them, not shun them.

Answer 10

No, not at all. I'd say take care of yourself because you deserve respect from yourself just like everyone else does, but you're just having a hard time giving it to yourself and that you needed some help to be a happier person who loved themself. Good luck and confide in an adult you trust so they can help you back on your feet. =D