What would you do?

Question

If you were fooling around with someone and some clothes ended up being removed and you found out that they self harmed, how would you react? Would you just ignore it or would you ask them about it?

I have a lot of scars on my legs and I ended up in a situation where a male friend saw them and I got really upset about it and he kept asking me about them and why I did it and I'm scared that I will have to keep explaining it for the rest of my life now because the scars will never go away.

I am getting help with it, I've been seeing a psychiatrist for the past 18 months for depression and I'm on medication, but I still struggle with the self harm a lot.

The problem is, it's not in the past........

Answer 1

Firstly well done for taking the steps that you have in dealing with this - I know that must have taken enormous courage. Don't give up because you have relapsed recently - just resolve to carry on trying. A lapse is not the end of the world and is the reality for most of us when we are changing behaviour (just ask a dieter or someone giving up smoking!). You don't owe anyone an explanation you don't want to give. Bio-Oil is really good at reducing the apperance of scars - Dr's and surgeons recommend it and you can buy it in pharmacies. Remember, most of us carry scars from our past, it's just that yours are more visible than some............

Answer 2

You should expect to be asked about it, but not everyone is going to react the same way. Proceed with hope. Some people already know about cutting but to others it will come as a shock. The best thing would be to be able to say truthfully that the scars are from a past era of your life and you haven't done it in years and don't believe you ever will again. If you aren't at that place yet, have faith that you are going to be and keep on heading (again and again, always) in that direction. I have a dear friend who used to cut herself and has scars all over her arms. She doesn't need to do it any more - and she is a lovely person, in her 40's, and just got married to a wonderful and very handsome man! I wish you happiness.

Answer 3

Well, I hope it isn't something you still do. You might just want to give a brief explanation saying "When I was younger, I used to hurt myself as an outlet for emotional pain. I'm so glad I got through that phase. I would have run out of room eventually". I know that self mutilation is not a funny thing, and it's very serious. I only recommend this is you are over it. It will make the situation less tense and the guy less afraid that it is something you might do again. Both of my sisters used to self mutilate (one by carving herself up and the other buy burning herself with cigarettes). I hope and pray you are ok now. Anyone who really loves you, will love you just as much with a few scars.

Answer 4

You will have to explain for the rest of your life. You may want to give people the heads up before you take off your clothes. You shouldn't be taking off your clothes for people who you don't feel close enough to have shared your past with in the first place. Anyway, that's the thing about life, you go down the wrong path and you have to pay but thank God for grace. I suggest that you be comfortable and settled about confronting your own past before you involve someone else and then you will feel more able to tell the person up front and discuss it and if they really care, when you take off your clothes, it would be your badges of past life instead of a badge of current shame.

Answer 5

He cares about you and wants to make sure you're ok. So you have a good friend there. But let him know it's over now, and that you did have some problems but now they are dealt with. He'd probably apprieciate that you are confiding in him too.
If I were you I would also try scar reduction creams, but they are expensive, so try anything with vitamen E and it'll reduce the scars and make it less awkward.

Answer 6

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort
Of feeling safe with a person.
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them out
just as they are, chaff and grain together,
Knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping
And then, with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away,

Answer 7

i would definitely ask about the scars if i cared about them...and i think you should tell him about them and just let him know that those days are over...he obviously cares about you so just tell him...and no you wont have to explain it for the rest of your life, but just be prepared to do a lot of explaining to the people that care enough to ask...dont be afraid to tell him about that part of your life because if he really cares, then he will understand and everything will be alright...unless that part of you that did the self harm, is not over yet?

Answer 8

i know what you mean, i hate explaining about mine as well to every tom dick and harry who ask, it's like nobody gets that you will say what you want to say when your good and ready and not a moment sooner, but i guess it's because they just want to understand even though most people just won't understand no matter how hard you explain it and they just keep on asking more question without realising the effect their questions have, perhaps you should just write down all your feelings on the matter and post it on the wall somewhere and when people ask just point to it and if that doesn't stop their questions then just point to the door and forget about them, but whatever you decide best of luck:o)

Answer 9

First of all, I would ask you to put the gun down, Badger.

You'll only need to keep explaining forthe rest of your life if you sleep with different men all your life, which you probably won't.

And if you do, how your legs look will be the least of your worries.

Answer 10

I would ask about it too. Be happy that they care to know what happened to you. You should get help and see a doctor about help with the scars too so that you can lead a normal life