Why are there so many parents recommending such abusive advice on discipline?

Question

What I mean is "Bite your child back to teach them to stop biting." or "Just spank, slap, whip, or hit them when they misbehave."
And my favorite: "Just put hotsauce on their fingers." I feel so sorry for all these poor kids. What do you think? I think it is all a form of abuse.
I am so tired of the ignorance I guess.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp

Then why do time-outs work for Supernanny? She is an effective teacher to these parents and never will spank or recommend it? Spanking isn't the only alternative.

It is true, there is alot of violence in this world but I disagree that the reason for the violence is because these kids weren't spanked. It is passive parents who use no form of discipline or parents who spank.

Answer 1

I agree with you 100%! I answer many parenting questions and have seen way too many answers that offer abusive advice. It's wrong!

I have taught preschool for over 12 years and NEVER would consider hurting or punishing a child in these ways. If I did, children would be fearful of me and not respect me.

I discipline using logical and natural consequence. For example: If a child is falling purposely out of their chair, they need to stand. If a child draws on the table, I give them a scrub brush, spray bottle, and towel to clean it up. If a child bites, they get removed form the other children until they are ready to be gentle. If they suck their thumb I say "I'm worried that your thumb might get sore if you suck on it." Or, I let them suck their thumb and try to get to the root of the problem they are having.

I have taught over 500 3 to 5 year olds and have mastered a disciplining technique that is the BEST way to discipline children without abuse. My students are very respectful, kind to each other, listen the first time I ask something of them, and happy! They know I mean "No" the first time I say it because I do not offer chances. If I offer them a second chance they will expect another and another. I always offer choices. I always have a waiting list for parents who want their children in my classroom. They know I will always be patient and kind, and see how well behaved my classroom in, and how happy the children are.

People need to start reading some parenting books and stop seeing themselves as experts. Stop the abuse!!!

Answer 2

OK, I'm probably one of the parents you're talking about. Every bit of advice I give on here is based on personal experience. I have never abused my children. Different kids need different forms of discipline. Time out does NOT work for my kids. That's why they will get a swat on the butt if they misbehave. As for the biting, that's how I broke my daughter from biting. I was pregnant and she bit the $hit out of me. I had to do something to break her before I had the new baby. My mom said to bite her back and I did. A mark was NOT left and I didn't bite hard at all.I didn't abuse her by doing it, it just taught her what it felt like to be bit and she hasn't done it since. These forms of discipline are what my grandparents and parents used and the way I feel is that if they worked 50 years ago, they'll work now. I may spank my kids, but I NEVER leave a mark on them. Just because someone chooses to discipline their children differently than you do does NOT make them ignorant!!!

As for the opinion that spanking teaches violence, I don't know where you get your information from but my fiance and I were both spanked as kids, neither of us have ever been to jail, neither of us have ever been violent with anyone

Answer 3

I spank my children only after a verbal warning was ignored. Spanking is not abuse. If all you ever do is verbally warn and discipline your children then your kids will walk all over you when they get 5 and older. It is very easy for a child to tune out their parents voice. They will agree with you and say sorry but that is all. the message you as a parent are try to get through went right out the other ear. A spanking ( not slapping, not beating etc.) gets the point across. Children do not like physical pain. At a younger age children tend not to be affected by yelling, so the only way to get through to them is by a swat on the back side or a pop on the mouth for back talking. My kids are good kids but it is because I have disciplined them. But discipline has to take place at a very early age or it will not work. There is a huge difference between spanking and abuse. You show love by disciplining. There is not love with abuse.

Answer 4

I don't think those are any more ridiculous then time out. Kids sit all day long--what good is making them sit in the corner going to do? I think biting kids back, spanking, and hotsauce are all wonderful (yes I said wonderful) ways of discipline. Kids don't understand that what hurts others also hurts them and by biting them back they realize that. As for the hotsauce, it works wonders for kids who talk back. And spanking is the best thing to do when it comes to discipline. The difference between the biting, spanking, and hotsauce verses the time outs and taking away priveledges is that those things only take once--the time outs and taking away priveledges are punishments that have to be taught.


On your added comment: My point exactly! That supernanny has to TEACH the kids to sit down in the time out spot. Discipline is not something you should have to teach your kids to do before they do it. You should just spank them then and there so they know that you are the boss.

Answer 5

Do you have kids? I do spank my child, I dont beat him. I did put hot sauce on his fingers to make him stop putting them in his mouth. In your opinion its abuse and so you wont do it to your kids. I have a very well behaved child and this works for me, along with time outs and taking away toys. Dont judge different things work for different families. As far as Supernanny, I would like to see a follow up with the families. The time out works for her because she isnt the parent. The kids are testing the parents limits. The parents listen to the supernanny while she is there, but I wonder for how long.

Answer 6

There is a difference between spanking and beating a child. A swat or two on the butt is not going to hurt a child. Look at the the crimes being committed by kids. I'm not talking about stealing candy, I'm talking about murdering others,including parents,or anyone else. Major crimes,not just lil petty things. I have 6 brothers and sisters. Our parents spanked us when needed it. We have respect for ourselves,and others. We support our kids,and work for what we want. Several of us have chosen the medical profession because we want to help others, still all of us are kind,heartfelt and respectful of others. It didn't hurt me and it isn't bad for my kids either.

Answer 7

I don't condemn effective parenting. Like someone wrote there is a grey area to it all. Especialy spanking. There is a way to do anything without over doing it. Never spank in anger and use it as a last resort. Just remember what is good for one child may not be good for another.

Answer 8

Have you by chance not noticed that society these days is way to tolerant of poor/mean/nasty/rude behavior? It's because to many people are not disciplining their children. They are coddled, given time outs, and never required to be responsible for their actions - both parents and children.

Children are our future, and our future looks a little grey right now. When you are not allowed to punish children they get the idea that they can do what they please. I'm not advocating abuse - far from it, but I was spanked or had my mouth washed out with soap, or was slapped for cursing - and I'm a productive member of society. I mean really - if your mom/brother/sister/dad bit you because you bit them, wouldn't you think - "hmmm that hurts...won't do it again?" I know the value of a dollar because I worked for it. I know what respect and honor mean because my parents taught me to treat others how I wanted to be treated.

Last time I checked America was a free country - and parents should be able to raise their children as they see fit. There are always going to be the aberrant parents who should never have had children, but 99.9% of parents love their children and only want what's best for them. And they are raising their children in an appropriate manner.

Answer 9

Some of the things you listed are abusive, no doubt. Others are a gray area. Spanking, as a last resort, does work in my experience. Hot sauce on the fingers, well, I think it depends on the type of sauce, how hot it is, and if the parent has tried everything else possible.

Answer 10

Certian forms of physical disciplin are all right. Giving a child a swat on the butt with the palm of your hand is acceptable in certian situations.
Biting a child is not.
The problem is parents want their children to behave, but are afraid to disciplin them for fear of being labled a child abuser.
They snap, and do some horrible thing.

As for hot sauce, my sister refused to stop sucking her thumb. When she turned 10, my parents put hot sauce on her thumb every time they saw her sucking it. She learned to quit in a realativily fast time.
She's 39 now, and still laughs about the horrible taste.

Plus, some people are stupid. You need a liscense to drive, a liscence to fish, a liscense for your dog, but any old fool can have a child.