If you think someone is self harming, what should you do?

Question

I'm 16 years old and I have a friend who has a history of severe depression when she was 14, she ended up in hospital for a little bit and she was on medication for a while as well. She used to self harm quite badly then but she stopped about a year ago.

I'm scared that she might be doing it again now. She seems quite depressed over the past month or so, she's really quiet and she doesn't come out as much as usual. I've asked her if anything's wrong and she says she's fine, but I know she's not. She's being made fun of a lot at school (I've mentioned that in a different question) and she gets really upset quite often as well. I'm worried that she's started to self harm again, she's been wearing long sleeves all the time like she did last time and she just seems quite depressed again.

What can I do to help her? I don't want her to end up in hospital again like last time.

She doesn't self harm to get attention, she hid it from us for a full year last time and no-one knew until she ended up in hospital. She still wore long sleeves at school most of the time to hide the scars because she didn't want people to know, but she would wear short sleeves if she was just with friends but now she's back to long sleeves even when it's hot.

Yes, the last time she was depressed, when she ended up in hospital it was because she tried to kill herself and they thought she might not make it but she did.

Answer 1

Tell Someone.

A lot of cutters do it for attention or to punish themselves. You do need to tell someone so she can get help. Tell her mom, your mom, or a teacher.

The problem with cutting is that not only does it leave nasty scars, can cause serious tendon problems, infections, et cetera.

I mean, hospitalization might be just what she needs....Personally I think she needs someone to talk to. You could sit her down and have a nice long talk with her.
She probably needs therapy. I'm not a big fan of psych drugs, but they might be useful in helping her survive through highschool.

I know what your friend is going through. I had a rough childhood and started in with self mutiliation too. I did a lot of stupid things.

The most important part is that she has a good friend to talk to. She needs to find a healthier way to express anger. I mean lots of teens hate themselves, very few wind up damaging their bodies.

Maybe you could try to help her fit in at school. If you do think she's going to actually hurt herself, get help or something nasty might happen. I mean you don't want to be in the position of wondering if there was something you "could have done", ya know? We don't want her offing herself.

One way to tell is if they hide it then there are serious problems, if she's flaunting it, she's just out for attention. I'm a little concerned about your friend b/c she's hiding her emotions and acting suspicious.

My thought is that if you are a good friend, you'll do what's right to ensure her...longevity and minimize the collateral damage, ya know? This isn't an issue of what You 'want', this is an issue of what She 'needs'....and she certainly needs to stop chopping away at her arms.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Please, if you know her parents will get her the help she needs, then let them know. If you are still in school, find the school nurse (every school is required to have one although the nurse may not be there all the time) or a teacher you trust and let them know you think your friend may be harming herself. They will contact the appropriate people to be sure she gets help. If you are afraid to tell any of these people in person, type up a letter and drop it in the mail to the parents or on the desk of the nurse or teacher. She may end up in the hospital again, but this is to help her. You are not betraying your friend. It's out of love and concern that you are doing this to help her. Maybe even stop her from taking her life. Be strong for her, okay?

Answer 3

The hospital might be just the place that can help her. Never be afraid to speak up when you think something is wrong. Too many people never take any action and then regret it later when it is too late. Tell everybody and anybody who is in a position to help. Tell her parents. Tell her teachers. Tell her school counselor. Tell her psychiatrist. Tell her spiritual adviser (priest, rabbi, minister, etc.). Enlist the help of your parents and spiritual advisers to help you find a way to be heard and get your friend some help. Don't fail to act just because you think your friend will be mad at you. Better to lose her friendship and for her to remain alive than for you to sit back and do nothing if you truly believe she is in danger of harming herself. Everyone will thank you in the end, even if it's not for a long time from now.

Answer 4

Tell her of your concerns. Explain to her that you are not judging her, but that you care for her, and that you value her friendship. Tell her you think she seems depressed recently, but don't accuse her of self-harming, maybe say you don't want her to end up self-harming again. Do all you can to reassure her that she is a good person and point out why you like her so much. as for the bullying, perhaps you could have a quiet word with a teacher, they are duty bound to protect her.

Just try and be around her as much as you can, even if she isolates herself, reinforcing how much you care about her and like her, tell her the bullies are weak and insecure people and that she is way deeper than the shallow people that they are. Try and find things to do together where you can both have fun, even if she resists you at first.

Answer 5

A mate of mine did this. Why oh why? Nothing anyone ever said to him made a blind bit of difference. Talking to millions of people about it on the internet may cause your friend to get a teensy bit paranoid if they found out, never mind that you don't say their name. My advice is, just continue to be a friend and supply love for as long as you can stand to. My mate eventually went back to Glasgow.

Answer 6

you must tell someone - a counselor or your parents - i know you dont want her to go to a hospital again but trust me thats where she needs to go - i went through the same thing at that age and i went to this place called KidsPeace. Im a better person because of them and i always thank my best friend for telling on me

Answer 7

talk to her first
be kind and loving and show her you care
if she does not seem to get it
get help for her
you will save another life
if the last time as you said where she ended up in a hospital was a suicide attempt she needs help psychologicial help.
so you as a good friend need to take action for she is not holding up her own body well.

if you dont you may regret later that you didnt take action

Answer 8

Tell an adult that you both can trust and you know will give her the proper help and put her in the hospital as a last resort.

Answer 9

You need to tell someone, if something happens and you could have helped they frown on that and you become involved in it. Telling someone lifts weight off your shoulders and can help your Friend, show you care and don't let it stay quiet. You could always ask not to mention your name.

Answer 10

Perhaps you could talk to your parents about it, hopefully they would be close enough to the situation to find help for your friend. Failing that, I hope there is a teacher, counsellor or school nurse at school that you could talk to about your concerns.