I need some advice here. One of my best friends has......how do I put it........a problem with excess bodily hair??? She's got quite dark hair on her top lip and a lot under her chin, but she hasn't done anything about it.
People at school have started making fun of her but she doesn't seem to realise why and she gets really upset. I think she might have PCOS because she's quite fat (I'm not being horrible, I really like her but it's true) and she has this hair on her face, and I know she has really irregular periods.
I feel really bad because people are making fun of her because of the hair on her face, but I'm scared if I say something she'll get upset about it and think I've been talking about her behind her back........she's quite depressed and she gets upset all the time.
How can I help her? I really want her to be happy again, because I know she's quite depressed at the minute.
2006-06-28 09:39:28 · 12 answers · asked by Caira 1 in Health ➔ Other - Health
She was depressed quite badly a couple of years ago when she was 14 and she was on medication for a while and in hospital for a little bit and she used to self harm but she stopped. I'm worried that she might be doing it again because she's wearing long sleeves all the time again like she did then. What should I do? I want to help her so she doesn't end up as bad as she was last time.
2006-06-28 09:44:10 · update #1
We're both 16
2006-06-28 10:05:06 · update #2
This is difficult. Couple of suggestions:
You can sort out the hair with facial hair bleaching, the best way I think would be to find some dark hairs on yourself (or a mutual friend) that you want to bleach and ask her to help you, then that gives her the opportunity to have a go herself, or for you to talk about it in general. Difficult if you are hair-free though. I'll have a think about this one.
Alternatively, you could talk about periods etc and when she says about her irregularity suggest she should get it checked out cos there could be various causes, and there could be treatments for things. She needs to know if she does have PCOS. If she does, then the dr will explain all the side effects and maybe she will look for them in herself and you can go from there.
As for the weight even though you havent said thats a problem, you havent said your age, but if you are older teens you could join a gym yourself (its always good for you) and ask her to join you so you have an exercise partner. Thats what I did, although in my case it was me asking my skinny friend to go with me. Exercise is always better if you go with a friend.
If really stuck, just tell her. She may be upset, and she may even be mean to you for a while, but think about if it was the other way around - would you rather she told you or let the teasing continue???
Good luck.
2006-06-28 09:54:38 · answer #1 · answered by Helen 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Being a bloke I can't advise you on the hair thing however I think there are a couple of general principles that apply in situations like this.
Tell her you've noticed that she's been down and that you care for her and are worried about her, alternatively you could tell her that you overheard other girls making fun of her and that you told them to shut up and see whether she opens up.
I think true friends don't sit back and let a situation develop they confront the issue. That doesn't mean to say that the outcome is always going to be rosy (she may well cut you off) but there is always an element of risk do I / don't I tell her. If you value the friendship you have to say something but you have to start by telling her that you care for her and like her, then get to the problem and finish off by again telling her that she means a lot to you and that you are concerned for her. Lots of positive, compassionate words covering up for the negative things.
I don't want to be a dramatist but what if she is so desperate that she decides to attempt suicide - think how you would feel and the deep sense of what if....or if only..... by that time it is too late. Also if she is self harming you are allowing her to put herself through this pain and loneliness while you sit back and ponder. It's not an easy situation for you but you have to be courageous for her sake - I think she will open up and your friendship will grow and deepen as a result.
I really hope that it all works out for you - and your friend.
2006-06-28 17:55:24 · answer #2 · answered by Drew 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to help your friend is to be honest with her and tell her why you think the other people at school are making fun of her. You might want to suggest that she get some advice from a cosmetologist at a drugstore. There are many products available to erase facial hair safely. If you're afraid your friend will think you were talking behind her back, tell her that you overheard some people talking or that you went up to them and asked them why they are making fun of her. It's better to bring the problem out in the open than sit by and watch your friend suffer and be depressed and do nothing to help. I think she will appreciate you for being on her side.
2006-06-28 16:50:06 · answer #3 · answered by Cat Whisperer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her all the support u can!!! if u c someone making fun of her...just try to come up with a good comeback! tell her that u want to hang out at her house and when you're there give her some tips on how to get them back. as 4 the hair and the periods...just wax the hair and most girls don't have regular periods anyways! m i right or m i right? I mean...every once in a while my sis will start a week late and some people start a week early. any kind of period she might have...she can go to the store and find a specific "protection" just for her. no matter what she needs i'm 99.9% sure the stores will have it.
2006-06-28 16:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by my name is...nun yo biznis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it can be a difficult topic to approach as some people can take their faults quite badly as they do realise they are there but don't know what to do about it.
Maybe when your out of your hair removal products suggest going on a shopping trip in to your city together and somewhere in that shopping trip stop off at where ever you buy your products from and pretend to have a look around and ask her what she uses as you just can seem to find the right stuff etc... and the conversation may develop from there...
The other thing you can do is book yourself a health centre day out where they do massages, waxing etc... as they ask you what area's you want to go to and you can sit and choose together. You can choose having a body wax etc... whilst your there.
Hopefully something in the conversation will spark off her asking you about it and if you don't feel comfortable answering it ask her to talk to her parent about it.
As for a her being over weight, I know when I first started going to the gym I wanted a friend to go with me so maybe you could suggest that you'd like to join the gym and will she come with you to join in as you'd like someone to come along for company.
Its just finding a nice way of doing things
2006-06-28 16:56:14 · answer #5 · answered by Crackpot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you really care for her you should feel comfortable enough to talk to her about it. Maybe you could start off by talking about hair growth on your legs, what you use to get rid of it, ask her what she uses etc. Then maybe talk about how other girls use mustache removal stuff then ask her if she would ever consider doing that? Maybe make it seem like you are thinking about it and ask her what she thinks. You can kind of get the idea. Try going in a round-about way. If she is a true friend she will understand that you are only trying to help. Good luck!
2006-06-28 16:47:43 · answer #6 · answered by MARIA M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if she likes her body hair you could suggest to her bleaching it so it doesn't show. and tell her that you know people are making fun of her and it hurts you to hear it so you want to help her so you don't have to hear people saying mean things about her. just tell her if she doesn't want to get rid of it she can always bleach it so no one can see it. and if she doesn't want to do anything then just leave her be. she'll eventually do something aobut it, or they'll eventually stop talking about her. cause once they see it has no effect on her changing they'll just move on and forget about it.
2006-06-28 16:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by Cirque Du Freak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can talk to her and she will allow you to do a makeover night at your house where you can help her hair it off. And then take her to a doctor. Maybe he can help. I feel bad for your friend, its hard to find the right thing to do. Just try a girls night at your house. like a sleepover. It might help.
2006-06-28 16:44:05 · answer #8 · answered by mud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mention to her about waxing it may be a bit painfull but its the most effective and the hair dosent grow back as fast.
2006-06-28 16:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by mc_dugen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help her by being honest with her. If you can't do that, go to an adult that she trusts and ask them to do it.
2006-06-28 16:43:18 · answer #10 · answered by Bradly S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋