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Question

My 10yr old daughter, very bright,A+ student. Very ambitious, but very defiant. We spend a lot of time together doing many different things, so I can't see how it can be she is crying for attention. She is involved in sports so it cannot be bordom, she is not ADHD, Not Bi Polar. She is a normal healthy academically brght child.She does not think about the consequences of her actions before she does stuff.(e.g going for 10mile hikes without telling anyone where she is going) She does stuff that's dangerous and risky(e.g. Climbing trees 50ft tall to see if she can reach the top) She also deliberately disobeys with the excuse she forgot we said no. We have grounded her and taken everything away(she'll sneak out) We have used every punishment other than spanking nothing works. We spanked when she was younger like3 -7yrs. It always worked then but now that she is older I would like to use other discipline but nothing is working. Do some kids only respond to spanking?

Husband and I have been happily married 20yrs. No unusual anger in home. Veru stable secure environment. Plenty of supervision except for when she manages to sneak away and do these things.

Answer 1

she may be starting puberty, it is a proven that when u enter puberty the mind does not think about things that much, the mind does not think about the conaquences, that is why teenagers are viewed as well "stupid", but actually it is a natural thing and ADHD increases this

Answer 2

Growing up I had similar issue and the reason I did the things I did was that I was bored because being an A student was easy. I was tested and found to be very intelligent and those things came easy to me and I just wanted to do other things really for the challenge. She can be very active and still bored if none of the activities she is in are offering her any kind of challenge. Try some new activities to take up her time even some things that she may not seem old enough for. Maybe horseback riding rock climbing, or anything to try and use up some of the energy she seems to ahve so much of. At 10 she probably doesnt have any spending money or such to take away and if you take other things and leave them in their rooms with nothing we tend to think of new ways to do stuff. What really ended up using a lot of my energy was books. I fell in love with science fiction and still enjoy it today even though I have so much other things going on. I feel better when I complete a book then when I complete a project.

Answer 3

Maybe you don't think she is bored, but very bright children have a harder time keeping themselves occupied mentally. At her age, I could do as many activities, homework, and sports as possible, and it was never enough. I would run from sun up to sun down, and if I had a five minute period in between, I would get into mischieve. I didn't realize that I had some tendencies toward OCD until I was an adult. I didn't realize I was doing these things because of boredom.
Spanking at her age is not an acceptable form of punishment. She is old enough to understand your concerns and you need to have a real conversation with her. Even if you have tried, keep trying. If her behvior becomes dangerous, take her to see a therapist. Maybe they could get to the bottom of the issue.
Also, when a parent is told to get help, they get defensive. "I have a great, open, honest relationship with my daughter". That may be true, but we all have secrets, and please don't take it personally if she wants to share that issue with someone other than you. Get other family members involved (ones she likes, and trusts).
Good Luck

Answer 4

Forget spanking. Just cause you spend time together doesn't mean your are really talking and listening...is it just you and her together ,or is there someone else along? I have a step daughter who is the same way. I understand that she and her father spent alot of time together before me. They were seperated for a while and then when he was back she didn't like the compatition. So, I didn't give it, even if that wasn't what I was doing. Sometimes it's not the activity or amount of time,but how you listen. By her actions I would say that she is trying bigger and more exagerated actions to signal you to respond. I can't judge,since I don't know all of the facts,and maybe it's not a major problem at all...maybe you just an "extreme future Olympian" on your hands!!! Try using reverse phsycology....encourage her to try new things and to excel at them,see what happens! Good luck!

Answer 5

I think spanking is not good for kids even if they are in the stage of a teen or close. This is so because as kids get older and may have kids they might do the same the there kids. Imagine i f you are your child and your child being your would you like it is she (your child) spanked you because you didn't listen. Spanking is bad. Every time you take things away your child it just tells them every time they do something bad your just going to take things away no hurt them. I instead give her maybe consequences or ideas that will tell your child what you may do if he or she doesn't listen to you.

Answer 6

I don't have kids, but I'm getting my master's degree and teaching certificate in elementary education. I am taking a classroom management course right now, which discusses discipline issues. It could be that your daughter knows how bright she is, and she is trying to prove that she is smart enough to do whatever she wants (like some sort of rebellion). You just have to do whatever it takes to establish with her who is the boss. Whether it is spanking or grounding or whatever. I remember in high school I got in trouble, and I was grounded in stages for 6 weeks. The first part of it, I couldn't do anything, I had to eat lunch with my parents (so embarrassing). Then gradually I could use the phone, then go places with my friends during the daytime, then at night. My parents just took everything away, and then slowly I had to earn my priviledges back. It was tough, but I learned that they were still in charge.

Answer 7

Spanking doesn't work so don't do it. Your child will only get angrier at you as they get older. They will try to blame you later by saying that your physical abuse caused them to turn out as a rotten apple. What you need to do is see a child therapist with your child. This issue may be deeper than you think. The fact that she is going on hikes without your knowledge may be sign that she wants more attention. By doing risky things she believes you will devote more time to her so she won't do those things. Your daughter's doctor can refer you to the best therapist and insurance typically covers at least half of the cost. Good Luck.

Answer 8

The Bible says, Spare the rode spoil the child they are never to old the excuse I forgot she wont forget a spanking. My son remember better with a spanken and forgets a lot without, so I have been there. Go back to spanking!!!
Their never to old to spanke,if she acts this way now thank of 5 years down the road when she is 15 years up will wish you laid the law down then.

Answer 9

Your punishments are good and normal. I hate to say it, but I think the only way she will be able to behave is for something to happen to her that will scare her to not do such foolish things. I really dont have a good solution, and I am in no way qualified to answer. I just dont think that a spanking at the age of 10 is not adiquite, perhapts a more severe grounding would be good.
I hope you find a soultion. Good luck

Answer 10

I'm a couple of years older than your daughter, and I get straight A's too. I have a younger sister who is only one year younger, and she doesn't do so good in school. My mom always goes automatically to her to help her but leaves me. Even though I get good grades, I still don't understand some things. Could that be what your daughter is feeling? Sometimes I feel like I know what my teachers are teaching me already, and I just want to learn new stuff. If your daughter is a straight A student, you may want to consider skipping grades with her. She may be feeling worried about maintaining her perfect grades. Her friends might be jealous and might be giving her the cold shoulder if she gets better grades than them. She may be trying to prove herself to them. I tried that once. Have her start to keep a journal- with a cool design on it so that it attracts her attention- to write out her feelings, whether it's her feeling mad, sad, happy, or angry. By writing it out she may lose the need for attention. After several weeks of having her write in it, ask her if you can read it. Good Luck!

Answer 11

She's 10 and doing that stuff woah. Although she's getting older and you love her, she is still a baby. Spanking is a last resort, and if she contiunes to walk over and disobey you after you have grounded her then it's time for spanking. P.S. Never take away meals as punishment.