Ten points for the funniest joke you can think of.?

Answer 1

This is my favorite joke:

There are 3 missionaries on an uncharted jungle island. They have been goin through the jungle for 5 days looking for tribals to convert without luck. Suddenly a bunch of local tribesmen jump on them and knock them out.

They regain conciousness in the village and find themselves tied to pole near a big fire with a big pot of water on it. Then a tribe's chief comes and shouts something in the local languauge. The tribesman start carrying the missionaries towards the pot. Right about now the missionaries realise "they're going to eat us!!!".

They start pleading with the tribesmen, "please, in the name of God, please don't eat us, its not right to eat people where we come from..." The tribe comes to a halt. The chief approaches them and asks them (in english), "did you say that you have never eaten a person before?". The missionaries reply "yes". The chief says "well then we cant eat you, we'll just have to kill you!" The missionaries start pleading again "in the name of god, please spare us, we were trying to help,...". The chief gets annoyed with them and says "you have 2 choices: Death or Jumanji!".

The 1st missionary says "Jumanji". Adn a 12 foot tall man with a 3 foot penis appears, this is Juamnji and he's gay. he services the 1st missionary and lets him leave.

The second missionary thinks that Jumanji must be tired and decides that his fate would be slightly better and says "Jumanji". An identical 12 foot man appears, that's Jumanji's twin Jumanji, who is aslo gay. The new Jumanji services the 2nd missionary and lets him go.

The 3rd missionary decides that he'd rather be killed than go through the same treatment his comrades recieved and says "Death!". The tribe goes wild "yeah...yeah...yeah...yeah.. DEATH BY JUMANJI!!!!"

ps sounds much better when you tell it to someone

Answer 2

Haven't seen very many question askers, who actually make sure that the funniest one actually get the ten points. Sounds like a sales pitch for a used car.


9 Things I Hate About Stupid People

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a_s_s to search the entire room for the T.V. remote.
Because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
Do people do this?
Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their a_s_s_e_s!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?".
No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short".
What the hell??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!
What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Answer 3

10 Blonde Inventions

1. Water-proof towel.
2. Solar powered flashlight.
3. Submarine screen door.
4. A book on how to read.
5. Inflatable dart board.
6. A dictionary index.
7. Ejector seat on a helicopter.
8. Powdered water.
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair.
10. Water-proof tea bag.

Answer 4

Little Johnny’s neighbors had a new baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother brought the new baby home from the hospital, Little Johnny’s family was invited over to see him.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word, “ears”, he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Little Johnny looked into the crib he said, “What a beautiful baby.

“The mother said, “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.” Little Johnny then said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.

“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful. The doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”

“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be sh!t outta luck if he needed glasses.”

Answer 5

This is a classic but it won't be the funniest you'll get I bet:

Once there were 2 muffins in an oven: One muffin said OMFG! We're in an oven!
The 2nd muffin said Holy Crap! A talking muffin!

Answer 6

yo momma so poor she can't even afford free sampls!
yo momma is so fat when ever she walks her but claps!
yo momma's house is so small she stuck the key in the door nob and it came out the back window!
yo momma is so poor she went to mc. donalds and put a milk shake on layaway
yo momma is so poor that she drives a penut
yo momma is so fat she stepped on a game-cube and 4 game boys poped out!

Answer 7

yo mamas just like a bowling ball gets picked up fingered and gets thrown to the gutter!

or another

you mamas just like a brick flat on both sides and get laid by mexicans!

Answer 8

2 blondes were driving to disneyworld and they came upon a fork in the road that said "Disneyworld Left -->", so the blondes went home sad.

Answer 9

A man gets a call from the doctor. He says, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh my God!!," replies the man. "What's the bad news?" The doc replies, "You have 24 hours to live." Then man then asks, "What's the worse news?" The doc sighs and answers, "I forgot to call you yesterday!"

Answer 10

I like to be shakin not stirred