How Do I Approach My "Sister"?

Question

I have a step sister that I hate beyond words. She is not a nice person. She is like the Devil Wears Prada Boss but wants everyone to be at her every becon call. She is the QUEEN. I have chosen to not speak with her for a year now because she is a royal hag. She has always been a jealous type and if someone sheds on her light, they must disappear. She wants into my life again and does this every two years, to try to get close to see what Im up to. I dont want my kids around this type of situation and I know soon I will have to face her (another sisters wedding) how the heck do I come clean and tell her all the reasons why I cant stand her and I dont want her an active part of my kids lives?? There is sooo much more to it, lets just say when I was born (she is 7yrs older) she bit me to the point of blood when I was a few weeks. Then when I was 7 she wanted to "teach" me to swim by attempting to drown me.(she held my head under the water till I pucked)

Answer 1

You owe her nothing. If she pushes on the issue, simply tell her the truth in that you do not to prefer to associate with someone that you perceive is hurtful to your life. She won't agree with you yet that matters not a bit. What matters is perception and that's your perception and that's why you don't want anything to do with her. So tell her that and move on with your life with no second thoughts about this issue. It's not simple, yet life doesn't come with a Staple's Easy Button.

Answer 2

Can you say psycho? Your parents let her bite you when you were only a baby?????? Hello! Don't you see something WRONG with that picture??? You said she is 7 years older...to me, this means that she has resented you from the moment you were born....you stole the attention from mom and dad. And the fact that mom and dad did NOTHING to protect you from her is pretty sad. Now, just because she is your step sister doesn't mean you owe her anything, especially when she abused you as a child! There's no way in hell I'd ever let a person like that come around MY children. As an adult, she should know better than to act the way she acts. You shouldnt have to deal with the consequences of her stupidity.

Answer 3

I have found, that for me personally, the best way to at least begin broaching an uncomfortable situation like this is to write your sister a letter. Explain how you're feeling and why you're feeling the way you do. Suggest ways on how the situation can/should be dealt with and what you and she can do to make it better. Make sure you don't come across as accusatory, this will make it so she probably won't even finish the letter, and be sure to include any faults or contributions you may have made to your deteriorated relationship. Remind her that you love her because she is your sister, but she had made it so that you don't like her much anymore.

I have four sisters, none of whom are anywhere near as mean as your step-sister sounds, and writing them a letter when I've had an issue or problem with them has resolved so much and made it so that we continue to have open and loving relationships.

Answer 4

From what I've read, I don't think your step sister hates you at all. I think her style and other behaviour does not come across to you in a way you want.
Why is she not a nice person?
She asks for help at every opportunity because others comply, and since this is a free world, they obviously comply willingly.
Perhaps you do not have her vibrant personality, or compares unfavourably to her overall strong character.
Admit it, there is always some sibling jealousy and rivalry.
I think you should make the best of the relationship and your step sister could be a very good asset in future (free baby sitting, house sitting during vacations, and contacts for employment at other places).
Remember, blood is thicker than water.

Answer 5

I can understand where you are coming from.. My sister use to do things like that to me.. Or she would try and tell on me every chance she would get.. But I had to forgive her and pray that she would change.. Now that we both have Kids and live seperate lives she is much better..We get along better then we use to.. I would rather forgive her and move on then stay bitter at her. She is my childrens aunt and so they have the right to know her and see her.. If she ever did anything to harm my kids that would be the end and I would never let her around them.. What you need to do is talk to her and let her know what she did was hurt ful and if she want a part of your and your kids life then she has to Show you she has changed. Then you can move on from there..

Answer 6

You might want to write everything you want to say in a letter and send it to her before the wedding. This way you can think through everything and say it exactly right, without getting interupted by her. End it with letting her know not to call or write because you will no longer speak to her. Once at the wedding just don't speak to her. btw don't bother with long explinations of why you have decided to do this, she wil not see her faults and will only try to make excuses to talk you out of it.

Answer 7

The problem with telling her is that you will feel better, she will dismiss it as your jealousy (even though you are not). It is human nature to defend themselves when they are given critical information about themselves.

It would be better to "draw a line in the sand" and explain that you will not tolerate or accept behavior that is over that line. You could even take it to the next step and let her know that you don't have a sisterly bond and therefore would rather just go your own way.

Answer 8

I always find that if you have trouble speaking to someone about what is bothering you it is easier to write them a letter. Tell her how you feel and why you feel that way in a letter. That way you won't get overly emotional while trying to speak to her and she won't be able to interrupt you or make you lose your train of thought. You get to get your feelings out and she will then know why you dislike her so and perhaps begin to change her ways, if you are lucky!

Answer 9

be gracious at family events and keep your distance
wait until after your other sister's wedding and write to her that you feel the time has come to continue to be civil and gracious but you two have your differences(ie age) that contribute to the lack of being "close" and both of you need to respect those differences...I have an evil brother and my life is so much calmer now that there are no actions to be "close"

Answer 10

It seems that your sister is a little jealous of you. You don't have to lower yourself to her level in order to treat her in a civil manner. Reach out to her, but at the same time let her know that you are not going to be pushed around. Let her know that as long as she treats you in a respectable manner, she is welcome within your family circle. If not, tell her that you refuse to expose your children to people that belittle others.