My pattern?

Question

I just sent out a message about my boyfriend, whom I line has just became violent with me on a drunken night. I had a boyfriend for 4 years who beat me. I know the pattern, I know I deserve better, but why do I want to stay anyway? We're starting counceling on the 18th, and he is no longer going to drink, because if he does I told him I will not be near him or home that night. Should I try one more time, or get the hell out?

I meant, whom I live with. not line

Answer 1

Give him one more chance with the counseling. But it makes a difference if he is the one who totally agreed on the counseling or if you had made him go. And are you really able to handle more abuse??? Think about it. is it really worth it.

Answer 2

Well I'm afraid to say drinking is an addiction. Even if he claims that he'll stop drinking, he might not. My guess is that maybe you're trying to make yourself feel better because you've become emotionally attached to him. The hardest part of any relationship is letting go b/c you get so emotionally attached to a person regardless of how he is. Even if he's a jerk, somehow you still have feelings towards him. I know how you feel and I know you want to give him a chance and make things work; however, sometimes we just have to look at the situation from a different perspective. If you're not meant to be with him then it'll never work out. Believe me, been there done that.

Also, even though you guys have decided to go for counseling but there's still no guarantee. He can stop going for counseling in the future and go back to his old habits.

I just want to let you know that once a man is abusive, most likely he'll always be abusive. I say this out of experience growing up in a home with my abusive dad. My mom waited for him to change but he's still the same.

You want to stay with him b/c you want to help him and I understand that, but tell me is that worth risking your life? I mean abuse can lead to bigger violence. I'm not trying to scare you but rather trying to make you see things from a different perspective. The choice is entirely yours and I hope you don't let yourself get hurt. I wish you the best...

Answer 3

It is possible that part of what you have come here to Earth to learn and do is to work on this issue - to understand more about it, to help people overcome it.

Only you can gauge what to do. My twin sister was hit by her husband 1 time and she left him in a heartbeat and drove across country home to get away from him. He followed her by greyhound bus and begged her to forgive him, but she was very clear that if it happened again he would be left alone with nothing and no one.

That happened 9 years ago - and while things have not been easy, he has never raised a hand to her again. I, personally, would not have gone back, for I would not have been able to trust him and I would have been afraid that it would happen again. Of course, she works very hard to not pick a fight with him and presents everything to him in the nicest way possible (and I would not have the patience for that). She feels that in this way she is working on her own issues also by having to control her temper and coax cooperation out of him and she is very happy in her marriage.

So, only you can say for sure. I will say though, that if you have any fear at all that it will happen again, it likely will. We very often get what we expect in this world. Peace!

Answer 4

Honey, I said that to one of my husbands when we started living together and I saw the awful man he was when he was high on pills and booze. I told him that I will not tolerate that and he would have to choose, me or the pills. He chose me and we got married about a year later, not long after that, the pills came back worse than ever. He no longer cared because he thought I was where he wanted me. It took me 2 yrs to get myslf to a place where I could financially leave him. BE VERY CAREFUL.

P.S. it's okay to say you're leaving the house when that happens but soon your friends will get tired of you going back to him the next day and they'll wash their hands of the situation

Answer 5

Good question. Why are you staying? Ok propably you've had some good times together, you've had feeling for each other... But he drinks and beats you???

Seriously... He beats you???
Above else that's a crime.

Look he may have said he'll quit drinking but I believe that's not his problem. When I get drunk i become funny and stupid not a phallocratic pig.

I believe your answer is in the lyrics of "I will survive" ;-)

Be happy.

Answer 6

If it is a pattern, your best bet is to get out. It's easy to let the same thing happen again and again. It will take true courage to stand up for yourself and demand that you be treated with dignity and respect! You deserve it girl and believe me, there IS SOMEONE out there that will treat you the way you deserve and when you begin to respect yourself, it just might make it easier for that person to walk into your life!

Best of luck!

Answer 7

Get the Hell out of there the dude has problems which cant not be fixed he must of been brought up in a home that either his dad or mother phycially beat him and that can not just simply be fixed in an small amount of time it takes years and sometimes they don't change! Free yourself there are better guys out there like me and others that you deserve. Hit me up my I can help or not that is your choice my email address in [e-mail] my God Bless You.

Answer 8

Everyone can change. But they have to want it bad enough. Counciling does miracles. But you have to stick to your guns and by all means let him know you are outa there if he scares you in any way. He also has to give up drinking completely and find friends that dont drink. He will never succed while surrounded by temptation.

Answer 9

you know the problem, thats 1/2 way to the solution. what do you truly believe to be the rest of the answer? I would suggest moving on, but I'm a outsider looking in...good luck!

Answer 10

get out, before you vest anything else.

A drunk will always be a drunk - and a violent drunk will always be a violent drunk. The best they can do is work on how long they can go between binges.... there is a reason why AA calls it 'one day at a time'.