How did your older child handle bringing home a new baby?

Question

My daughter will be two August 24th, and I am due with our second child August 9th. How did your older child handle bringing home the new baby? Also, any advice on how to prepare her for the change.

Answer 1

My son was 20 mos old when I gave birth to my daughter. I explained that our family was going to have a new baby, but he was really too young to ask any questions. Once I brought her home, he was curious, but didn't care much. After a couple of days, she was a permanent fixture; he didn't remember she wasn't always there. It wasn't until several months later that he noticed the difference in sex organs, and over a year later before he started asking about babies and where they came from.

A friend of mine knew a very different problem. Her sister had one child, a 5-yr-old girl, when she gave birth to a son. Her sister tried to prepare the girl, taking her to classes, explaining, gave her a baby doll to learn on, even visited a friend with a new baby so the girl could see the real thing. The little girl was excited to meet her new brother, and even wanted to help care for the baby. After a few weeks, though, the little girl was still ready to "send him back" to wherever he'd come from. She became angry because she couldn't.

Ultimately, sometimes all the preparation doesn't help; it will come down to the personalities and how they handle confliction with differing opinions and needs.

I think the most important thing is to not make the older child share everything. Most things, certainly, especially toys. But allow the older child and younger one alike to keep special toys. My children have a certain 3 or 4 special things (security blanket, stuffed animals, etc) that the other may not touch whatsoever, or that they can let the other play with, with the understanding that the special toy can be taken away at any time. Also make sure that they each have time with you; the older one especially needs to be reassured, over and over each day, with kisses and hugs and cuddles more than words, that the new little one HAS NOT replaced them with you. After you're done nursing or feeding the new one, put him/her down and spend special time with your older one. Cuddle, color with them, tickle, laugh, play; as long as they really know inside that they are still wholey yours, they will come to understand that two children can be wholely yours, rather than them loosing half of you.

Answer 2

My daughter was 3 when my son was born. She was very inquisitive during the preganancy and she was there right up until about 2 hours before her brother was born. She stayed with her dad til the day I came home and she came home too. She was very interested in the new baby. She took it better than I thought. She wanted to help all the time. I answered all her questions and she seemed very satisfied with the answers. The best way to help prepare your older child with this is to expalin it as simply as you can. The younger they are the harder it seems. Try getting her a baby doll to nurse and take care of. She will watch you and mimick you. Let her help as much as she can. Ask her to get a diaper or wipe for you. Just little things will make her know this baby will not make her feel left out. And since her birthday is so close to when the baby will be here, do something a little more than usual. Just make sure that there is always enough time for both children and that will make the transition smoother. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 3

Hi there and congratulations!

I have a girl who's about to turn 6 and a 3 1/2 yo boy. Our daughter did really well accepting her new brother. We just always talked about how much we loved them both, even when I was still pregnant. We told her that the job of a big sister was a very important one and kind of made the focus on "you're going to be a big sister" (so the focus was on her) rather than "we're having a new baby". She helped me choose my maternity clothes and came with me to the doctor's appointments to see the baby on the "TV". After he was born I made sure she was included in a lot of the things and let her sit on my lap and gave her lots of hugs to make sure she didn't get left out.

Also, make sure you don't tell her you can't do things because of her new sister, otherwise she might see her new sis as an inconvenience.

Oh, another thing we told her was that now that once her brother was born she would have another person to love her.

You could tell her what newborn babies do (sleep, eat, dirty diapers, wake mummy up at night :) ), that way she'll know what to expect (a bit, anyway)

I understand she's only 2, but even at that age, kids understand a whole lot. Our daughter was 2 1/2 when her brother was born and I just was always talking to her about evertything.

It's good that you'll be out of the hospital in time for her birthday, even if your baby doesn't come until after your due date. You could maybe make a big issue of the fact that her new sister wants to be born so she can be around for her birthday.

The fact that you're worried about her not feeling left out will be a big help. I'm sure your almost 2 year old understands that she's no less of a priority now than she was before.

Answer 4

Congrads on #2. Me and my wife had 4 and I can tell you it is not easy letting the younger children know that a new baby is coming. Your oldest, as ours did, may feel that you are not paying attention to them. Be ready for a youngster who is wetting her pants on purposes especially if she has been potty trained for a while. Be ready for your oldest to go into temper tantrums. It is all a way of getting mommy's attention, or daddy's attention and that is the key.

When mommy can't give her attention because of having to take care of new baby's needs, have daddy spend more time with older daughter. It is about 2 years old when Daddy and Daughter form that bond between a a dad and a daughter anyway.

Then when she is 2 1/2 or three make her get involved in new baby's care. Make her get the diaper when baby needs changing.

Answer 5

First off let me start by saying that I am also a older child of 2 and my mother said that when my brother came home I was always at her feet helping right along. But now a days children are different. My son was almost 3 when I brought my newborn son home. he wasn't really sure what to think. For 3 years, he was showered with attention. He had everything under the sun. But he would just watch him. and then there were times that he would try to play with him. Like the newborn was somebody his age. I was also protective of my newborn because he was 3 1/2 wks premature. But I can tell you now that my oldest is 5 and the baby is 2, and they get along great. Of course there is sibling riefirey, the oldest jsut dosen't want his little brother around, he want's all of mommies attention. But most of the time they are great. Good luck with the blessing of a newborn, and enjoy them both. Ohh yeah almost forgot, there were times that my oldest would act out, because he wasn't getting attention. Make sure, I can't stress this enough, that you do make time for the oldest.

Answer 6

My son was three months shy of two years old when my youngest son was born. My older son regarded him as interesting and even petted him like the dog. We brought him to the hospital to see the baby so he got to meet him before he was at home changing the routines. Once the baby started crawling and grabbing the my older childs toys forget it. He gets mad when the baby crawls close to him or picks up "his" toys even if he isn't playing with them. They both get plenty of attention and I let them learn to deal with one another. We also play games with the boys together and so long as we can keep the baby from climbing on my two year old he is pretty happy. Games of patty cake with mommy in the middle and monster baby where we zoom the baby to the two year old on the floor and say ahhhhhhhh and do it all over again makes them both giggle like crazy. My older child has some developmental delays due to his cerebral palsy but is cognitively normal so we had to do the best we could and go with what we thought was best. My two year old has frustration control issues where he gets upset more quickly when he feels powerless or can't communicate. So we had some extra obstacles. What does that mean to you? I think it means that you will know what is best. Your gut will tell you what works and what doesn't. Trust your mommy instints. I try to include the boys together as much as possible and they get along better than alot of siblings I know. If one of them cries because they want the others toy I offer them an alternative and it works for us, but I don't intervene all the time so they can learn to cope with one another and other children.

Answer 7

This is exciting!! My son was 3 and it was pretty cool. Have you found out what you are having? That helps the transition. Include your daughter on everything. The ultrasound appointments, naming the child, preping the nursery and picking the outfit to bring the baby home in. I made sure to tell him everything even that the baby missed him while he was at daycare. OHH!! You may snear but I picked up a cabbage patch and taught him how to feed a baby, and steps to take if the baby cries. Then she wont feel that someone is replacing her but needing her guidance. Another helpful thing was this helped push my son into potty training. He was eager to show that he was a big brother and doing the proper things and that diapers were for babys from the hospital. Im so excited for you. If you have anything else you want to ask contact me [e-mail]

Answer 8

I don't have children (yet), but I have a little brother! So I'll tell you how I reacted when my parents brought him home from the hospital!

I was almost nine years old at the time! I was really excited when I found out I was gonna have a brother! (Even though I wanted a sister) Anyway...the day that my mom had my little brother, I was SOOO happy! When my parents brought my brother home...that's when I didn't like it anymore! I told my mom that I hated her & I wish my little brother had never been born! She was so upset and started crying! I told her that she should have had a girl instead of a boy & that I didn't love my little brother either!

Eventually...I started to come around to having a little brother and now I wouldn't trade him for the world! I'm now 20 & my brother is 12 and we are SOOO close! (He even calls me his 2nd mama because I used to take care of him all the time for my mom while she was busy around the house or running errands) And I would die if anything ever happened to him!

Answer 9

I waited a while before having my second, my first daughter was 6 years old, I did a lot of mental prep with her you know, telling her she's the older sister, the big girl who needs to watch out for her baby sister, and teach her right from wrong and help me with her and she needs to be careful with her because she's little right now....

I'm pretty sure you can prep your two y/o the same, talk to her like she's an adult and explain things to her that way, this way she gets the notion out of her head that she's the baby and won't be jealous. It's all how you train her to hande it and being 2 maybe hard to get through to her but if you repeat it and repeat it she'll get it.

Congrats on the expansion of your family, it's a big step and a lot of work but you'll get the hang of it. Good luck!

Answer 10

When I had my second child my first son was 6 years old, so it
was alot easier to explain to him. He was very loving and wanted
to help out alot. After the new wears off we did notice him doing
things to get more attention but it wasn't anything harmful. He would sometimes act like a baby to get attention. Now our 2nd
child is almost 3 and these are the hard times. They do get along
sometimes but now they fight over everything. I think the best thing to do is to just talk to her about the new baby alot and when
the baby comes, let her help. Then she will not feel left out.