Make me laugh, I really need it?

Question

Funniest one wins.....of course.

Jim, that was hiLARious!! LMAO

Good job, Rainsinger. :)

Answer 1

hope this makes you laugh cause it does me... pat telling me that me, you, tre, chad, and kim had an orgy.... and someone walked in.. and you ran to the bathroom, and kim covered herself up with a pillow... i asked what i did and he said the guy didn't say... i said i guess i opened my legs and told him to dive in.... haha

Answer 2

Kidz, kidz, kidz.....

Sweet revenge, careful what you do to kidz....





>: Revenge
>> >> Kids, you never know what they are up to next .... check him
>> >>out!!!
>> >>
>> >> There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk
>> >> dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He
>> >> walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the
>> >> door.
>> >>
>> >> When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and
>> >> asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex
>> >> with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not
>> >> leaving until I do."
>> >>
>> >> The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.
>> >>
>> >> Once in, she told him to pick any
>> >> of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls
>> >> have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no, but the
>> >> boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about
>> >>
>> >> having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S
>> >> the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant
>> >>
>> >> and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go
>> >> to the first room on the right. He headed down the
>> >>
>> >> hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes
>> >> later he came back, still
>> >>
>> >> dragging the frog, paid the Madam and headed out the door.
>> >> The Madam stopped him and asked, "why did you
>> >>
>> >> pick the only girl in the place with a disease instead of
>> >> one of the thers?"
>> >>
>> >> "He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get
>> >> home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat,
>> >>
>> >> leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave,
>> >> my babysitter will have sex with me because she just
>> >>
>> >> happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the
>> >> disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back,
>> >>
>> >> Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump
>> >> her bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when
>> >>
>> >> Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to
>> >> bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the
>> >>
>> >> morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver
>> >> the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the
>> >>
>> >> disease and HE'S the son-of-a-***** who ran over my FROG!"
>> >>
>> >> LOL ;) Now that's my boy!!!!

Answer 3

A limousine driver was at the airport waiting to pick up someone. He Held the sign that read "GRAHAM". Soon a man walked up and said this was him. To the driver's surprise, it was Billy Graham. Mr. Graham was so impressed by the size of the limo, he asked the driver if he could drive. The driver allowed it and they took off down the interstate. They soon were pulled over for speeding. The cop approached the car and asked for the paperwork. He then returned to the police car and made a call into his boss. "you know how you said to let anyone go without a ticket who is higher up than us? Well i just wanted to see if this applied." "who have you got, the mayor?" asked the chief. "no...Bigger than that." said the officer. "The Governor?" asked the chief. "no Bigger than that." said the officer. "the PRESIDENT?" "no Bigger than that." "well who the heck do ya have in there?" "Well sir, i think it's Jesus cause he's got Billy Graham as a limo driver!"

Corny I know but i thought it was hilarious.

Answer 4

There are three things that always make me laugh... I hope one of them works for you.

1) The word "boobies" just because.
2) The thought of someone tripping over a box full of kittens and the box flying up with all the kittens going everywhere, but all landing on the person without hurting themselves, and the person just saying, "I think I need a cigarette"
3) Remembering something stupid that I did recently.

Answer 5

Funniest one wins is not always true, unless the asker makes it happen.


Computer Programmer and The Frog

A computer programmer happens across a frog as he was walking down a road.

The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".

The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week".

The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!".

The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"

"I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for sex....but a talking frog is pretty neat."

Answer 6

This isn't a joke or a riddle but it is funny. A few years ago when my son was about 3, I told him I was going to do a kick boxing workout and he goes wait mommy. He went in the other room and got a box and said"I am ready to kick a box with you". Hope this at least makes you grin.

Answer 7

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and
said, "Here's to spending the rest of
me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub
for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary,
"I won the prize for the best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now? And what
was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the
rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!"
Mary said. The next day,
Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man
chuckled leeringly and said, "John won
the prize the other night at the
pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was
a bit surprised myself. You
know, he's only been there twice in the
last four years. Once he fell
asleep, and the other time I had to
pull him by the ears to make him
come."

Answer 8

you may be a redneck if.....you have more fingers than you have teeth.....
or,youmight be a redneck if.....you think "diploma" is a person to call when your sink is stopped up.

or,you inheirited a bowling ball....
or you own a "front end alignment,brake repair,towing and bible store" business....
or , your breath could start a windmill on a dutch painting
....or , your sweetheart always takes a plunger to the ladies room.

are we laughing yet?

Answer 9

if you really want a good laugh, just read all the ridiculous questions and answers that everyone is posting on this here Yahoo Answers thingy. half of them are so ridiculous, they're funny.

Answer 10

Yo momma's so fat, when she got on the scale, it said to be continued.

Yo mommas so fat, people can run around her for exercise.

Yo momma's so old, her social security number is 1

I know it may not be too funny but most of the jokes i know are dirty thanx