Should I let go of the idea of having a wedding?

Question

My boyfriend and I are 32 and 29, respectively, and we want to get married. We live 1200 miles from my family and old friends. It would be logical to get married in my hometown, as that is where the majority of the would-be guests live. However, we don't have thousands of dollars of extra money saved, and I'd really rather have money for a down payment on a house than a wedding. BUT there's that part of me that still really wants to get to wear a beautiful dress and be a princess for a day.
Weddings are such a commodity now that it's hard to figure out a way to do it really low key...

Any thoughts or ideas? No wedding? Or what?

The wedding is definitely all about love. I'm more eager to be MARRIED and to have a child with him than to have a wedding. It's definitely about the marriage above all. But there's still that little pull inside me about a wedding...

Answer 1

Have an evening candlit ceremony back home with a dessert or hors d'ourves buffet at the reception instead of a full on meal. When I got married I contemplated eloping, but realized I would regret not having my dad walk me down the aisle or having our dance....so, depending on what means the most to you, you should be able to decide what is best. Congrats and good luck!

Answer 2

You recognize that buying a house is more important than a fancy party, and you also realize that weddings are a commodity these days. Good for you. You're a very sensible human being!

I think you should just go ahead and get married. Trust me, it will feel special no matter where or how you do it.

Then, next time you're able to go home, have a celebration. Consider it a delayed wedding reception--just invite all your friends and family and get dressed up, do it wherever and whenever you feel comfortable, with or without gifts, and have a great time. That will be easier than planning a formal wedding.

Just don't pressure yourself with so many expectations. Do what makes sense and makes you happy.

Answer 3

I didnt have alot of money when we got married, so what we did we cut corners. I made all the centerpieces for the tables, all the favors we went to staples and did our invitations ourselves which saved a few hundred dollars. I don't know if renting a VFW or American Legion hall is a reasonable choice and just have a catered dinner type thing. Plus if you ask a justice of peace to marry you at a location of your choice or a retired priest or minister it is less money than if you rent out a church (at least that is how it works where I live in NJ USA). These are just some tips that I have. I looked at it this way there are only very few times in life where we get to shine for a day and a girls wedding day is one of those times. If you really want to get married then do it. You don't have to pay everything up front you can make payments to most places.

I wish you all the best!!!

Answer 4

This can be tricky because you really have to follow your heart, but it sounds like your heart can't decide. Nobody can tell you what to do with your money. First off, what does your fiance think about all of this? Second, you CAN have both, a house is really important for when you get married. When are you getting married? A wedding can be small, elegant and not cost a whole lot. Your parents could do the cooking, ask a relative to take pictures, have it outside or a building where you can get it free (members of church, a house) You can buy already made bouquets at superstores (walmart, Target) The dress could cost you or you can go to a small store and buy a simple dress. All of this is up to you. I really can't make this decision for you, but I will tell you this, if you are really considering a wedding then think about if you regret it later on if you don't.

Answer 5

Have you had a talk with your parents? Traditionally the bride's parents are the ones to foot the bill for the wedding, NOT you. If not, try a destination wedding (ie, vegas, jamaica, bahamas, etc.) since everyone lives far away and will have to travel far anyhow. From what I've heard they are relatively less expensive that "regular" weddings. Don't have as much to buy, spend, rent, etc. That may be an option for you. If not, maybe you could go to the justice of the peace, and have a nice reception afterward. Anyway, if you have any feelings what so ever of having a "fairy tale ending", I'd say go for it, because you may always regret it later in life. You only get married once right? (or at least thats what we strive for...) Make it something special that you will both remember the rest of your lives what ever that may be. Good luck!

Answer 6

That's a big thing to let go of. You only get one chance to have a wedding. But not everyone has a big wedding.
My mother and father were married at her uncle's church and had the reception at her mothers house. It was catered and all, but they saved all the money of obtaining a hall and what not. My aunt was married at her house and had a quiet reception there. The only person providing music was a harp player and it was beautiful. She only invited her immediate family and grandmother and nieces, and her husband only invited his sister and daughters. It was her second wedding though. She did have a medium sized first wedding.
I'd get two tickets to fly back to your old hometown for you and him. If you don't think you can afford to invite anyone outside of your immediate family, or maybe just a few close friends, then do so. Everyone will understand. Maybe hire one harp or violin player to provide the music. You could have it in a church or at your parent's house. Just make it simple and beautiful. It doesn't have to be anything big. It's about you and he, after all.

Answer 7

Well, that's where you have to balance your priorities and how you'll feel in the future about your decision. If a house is more important to you now and you feel that you won't think about the missed wedding too much in the future, then save the money for the house. If you know that you will miss the wedding in the future, then have the wedding and take a little longer to build the house.

Either way, it's not impossible to go back to do something later in life, including a wedding...

Best of luck deciding...

Answer 8

i was in ur shoes.....we just got the papers and signed them...mainly bc nobody approved of our relationship and we had littlemoney so we did it that way..i was the girl who grew up dreaming of a cinderella type affair for a wedding.......but when it comes down to it u realize the most important thing is the love u have for each other and saving for other things! sure a wedding is nice and there is a part of every woman who wants to have one.....it can be impractical sometimes..u could try to ask ur parents to help u pay for a small one if u feel u absolutely need it...i did it the simple way and have a great mariage i think when couples put too much into it they are not focusing on why they are getting mmjarried in the first place! my engaged friends broke up over wedding plans...i wish u good luck and hope u have a wonderful married life.

Answer 9

Why don't you do both? Have your pretty dress and wear it at a private, small ceremony - parents only or just friends that love and care about you. Save your money, I wish I had stuck to what I wanted, just a simple ceremony and a picnic. That's the beautiful thing, you will have a house warming and you can invite anyone you want!

I guess I will ask you what I have asked many brides to be - is your marriage based on the wedding or on love - really does it matter?

Answer 10

I was in a similar situation when I got married 5 years ago. His family was in California, mine was in Illinois and we were in Colorado. We ended up going to to courthouse to get married, and I've always wished I had a real wedding- and honeymoon! But, I can see why you would want to save that money for a down payment. Maybe in the future you can take a 2nd mortgage out on your house and have a recomitment ceremony? I think we might do that one of these days.

Answer 11

My husband and I were your exact ages when we got married and we thought it would be a lot simpler to just go to Vegas and get married. My dad threw a fit, put his foot down and insisted we needed to get married in a church. He told me that everyone he knows who got married in Vegas has since gotten divorced and he didn't want that for me. Plus he said I deserved to have a special day that I would remember forever.

It turns out my dad was very right. I know weddings are stressful and a lot of work but I truly do appreciate the day my husband and I had to celebrate our wedding. It was worth every bit of effort and every penny.

That said - it's your wedding so you can make it as big and as elaborate as you want or you can keep it small and simple. Pick the parts that are very important to you and budget your money there - for example maybe you want to spend a little extra money on your dress and flowers. The other things you can find ways to save money on. I found really inexpensive invitations at www.rexcraft.com (I bought the ones that were on sale)

You can save money by keeping the wedding small - or if you want a lot of people you can have a casual picnic-style reception that would be less expensive than a formal sit-down dinner.

Really - all you are planning is a church ceremony and a party. The details can be anything you want them to be.

In addition, his family only lives 60 miles away and my family lives 300 miles away. We decided to get married in my hometown because it was important to me to have my mom as the hostess for my wedding. We put an extra card in the invitations that said something like, "While we would love to have you there for our special day, we do understand that distance could make it difficult for all of our friends and loved ones to be there. All we ask is for your love and prayers for a happy marriage." We understood that it would be difficult for all of my husband's family to attend but we live closer to them and see them a lot more often than my family so we felt it was the fairest thing to do.

I know you live further away, but traveling there for a wedding is no more expensive than traveling there for a visit - and what better occassion to go home for than for your wedding! I'm sure your mom and/or friends there would be happy to help you make your wedding arrangements.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you. Follow your heart and do whatever you feel will make you and your future husband happy.