i'd prefer racial jokes
but funny one s will do
2006-06-28 05:35:05 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I tell ya, I don't get no respect at all.
Why, the other day my proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth!
2006-06-28 06:28:40 · answer #1 · answered by dirftwood22 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
You Know You're A Redneck When...
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
31. If your family tree doesn't branch.....
2006-06-28 11:07:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i don't know if this is funny but here goes: there are three men in an airplane. one had and apple and threw it out the window cause it was too sweet. another had an orange and threw it out the window cause it was too sour. another had a bomb and threw it out the window cause he didn't want to die. Two policemen were walking in the park . they saw a kid crying and they said, "why are you crying?" the kid said, " cause an apple hit me on the head." they saw another kid crying and asked" why in the world are you crying?" he said " cause an orange hit me on the head." then they saw another guy laughing so hard his cheeks were turning purple and they asked " why are you laughing so hard?" he said " cause i farted and the building behind me blew up!!!"
2006-06-28 05:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.
None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?", he asks.
"It's of a big rooster", she replies.
"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."
When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and says, "Oh, for heavens sake, put the cornflakes back in the box!"
2006-07-03 21:47:43 · answer #4 · answered by Wolfie 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I have another dead baby joke.....
what's the difference between an apple, and a dead baby?............
I don't *** on an apple before eating it.
2006-07-05 03:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by Master Pacino 2 · 0⤊ 6⤋