My stepgrandad was dying recently and I spent 2 days by his bedside, with others from my dads family. This is part of my family that I did not see much when growing-up, because my Mum wouldnt let us have contact with my dad nor them. My Grandmother and step-grandad brought us up for 1 year when we were little. I thought that I would let her know what I have been doing, because once she was close to my dads family when they were happily married. Boy I was wrong, she went ballistic, saying bringing up all sorts of stuff ie I dont give my stepdad a fathers day card (hes 10 years older than me), nor do my kids give him a card as grandad, but my sister in law does!! Plus I never visited him in hospital when he nearly 'died', last year, but he wasnt that ill (he had a bite that turned into cellulitis on his leg), plus my car had blown up and I never had transport at the time. She said that I need psychological help. But now I have lost my stepgrandad and my Mum is not talking to me.
2006-06-28 05:33:57 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
dealing with the loss of a loved one is a very trying and stressfull time and people deal with it in many different ways. The best thing to do is to let your mom know that you love her and no matter what will be there when she needs someone to talk to.
2006-06-28 05:38:13 · answer #1 · answered by lost momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a conundrum. I wish you all the best in dealing with this situation. The situation seems very confusing, but I think that your family may just be in strife over the death of a loved-one or at least someone everyone knew. I would suggest talking to your mother first and get her back to talking to you. Please do not hesitate to apologize first even if you do not know what you are apologizing for or feel that you should. An apology will most likely help to break the ice with your mother. Let her know that you are hurt and confused, but let her do most of the talking. She will need to get what is bothering her off her chest before she can listen and help you. Just keep letting her know that you love her and want to fix whatever is wrong. If she blames you for something, accept the blame even if it is not your fault. When she is willing to listen to you, then you can tell her why you think you should not be blamed.
After your mother is on your side, she can help you in talking with the rest of the family. Until you can talk freely with your mother, speak with other close and trusted friends of yours about your situation.
Pray and stay strong! God Bless!
2006-06-28 12:43:50 · answer #2 · answered by chemical_kenny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your mum needs the help babe.... She obviously doesn't want you to have anything to do with your Dad and his family, if I were you I'd ask what she is scared of you finding out.
Besides Why did your mother leave you for a year? There are allot more deep-seated issues here babe.
I too have a step-dad and never send him fathers day stuff, he's not my father...... but if your mum is expecting you to treat him as such then why has she got issue with you treating your Step-dad as such.... lot's of double standards here, Don't you agree ?
When the air has cooled down, go and speak with your mother.
I'm sorry for the loss of your step-grandad, it's a shame your mother isn't allowing you to grieve.
Take care angel and good luck.
2006-06-28 12:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by sukimitchell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes apparently angry cause you did not spend much time with them throughout your past. ok so you should have spent more time with them. you screwed up but not on purpose. no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. take responsibilty for not being there enough. maybe then she can put it all on the back burner. that is what you want right. if it is maybe you can see through the pride that we all carry and say i am sorry. its really not that hard especially if you love them. and in the end you do not want to lose more time than you already have. family is the most important thing in life cause when its all said and done those are the memories and ppl that we remember and take with us. so stop wasteing time and get a move on.
2006-06-28 12:42:10 · answer #4 · answered by crzygurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds senile...it's not your fault if she can't let the past go. If your family is that strong within you then you will find a way. If she won't talk like a human being with you then try writing her a letter and mail it to her. Tell her how you feel and what your intentions are as far as family. She may respond...she may not. But then at least you can say you gave it your best shot. Family is one of the most important things to have around but not if they can't let go of the past.
2006-06-28 12:49:26 · answer #5 · answered by dakota_baby_469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds a little nuts. Plus, people get a little stressed out when people pass away. I would wait six months and then send a letter saying that you are sorry that things went so well but that you would like to keep in touch. Don't react to her anger. Sometimes if you respond to anger with a gentle and caring smile, the anger gets disolved.
2006-06-28 12:38:31 · answer #6 · answered by ksjazzguitar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping the tie of kinship is a religious duty. I'd rather commend you- though i did nt get to read your story all thru. Your mum is sure wrong and i know she'd get over her annoyance and will one day get to thank you for what you have done- even on her behalf.
You can even apologise to her, as that does not roll back what youve done It is good to keep family tie and not allow them break. You are good. Keep it up.
2006-06-28 14:00:33 · answer #7 · answered by mikail 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, what does being 10 years older have to do with a father's day card? second how do you get cellulitis from a bug bite? and next time don't blow up your car and maybe stop using excuses.
2006-06-28 12:39:40 · answer #8 · answered by suzukigirl06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no, you did nothing wrong. You, the estranged family, made the attempt to get back and be a part of the family and she blew you off. You did all you could, and if she can't see that you care about the family and what happens therein, then that's 100% her problem. God Bless.
2006-06-28 12:39:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if your stepdad was 10 years older than you i don't think he or she could expect a card for fathers day.he is not your dad . i am however confused as to is your grand mother talking to you ?your mom is not .why because of cards ! that is petty ! if she wanted you to see you step dad why didn't she call for you and take you with her .she need to see a psychological help not you if little thing like cards for a toyboy upsets her .
2006-06-28 12:57:33 · answer #10 · answered by rjryanir 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋