Christian Quotes - Just for fun - add your own?

Question

Most white people can get seriously mutated by just 5 hours of constant direct sunlight."

"yet the Resus monkey can hold a conversation in English once his vocal cords are alterd"

"So, how come there are no "talking snakes" nowadays?" ... "Because you are not righteous enough to hear them talk."

[in response to 'The Bible says that hares chew the cud', which they don't] "And exactly what did the hare look like back then? Did they have a cud in the old testiment?"
"I predict/prophecy in Jesus name that: John F. Kennedy will publicly reappear, amaze the world, and is in fact the "beast" of the Revelation."

Don't Masturbate. It's a no-no and can
cause rape, insanity, or bodily damage."

"Again, you forget the constant light that the earth recieved from the big bang gas cloud that eventually enveloped the earth."

Answer 1

dogs and kangaroos are the same main species....animals.

micro vs macro.....God's design.

can you not read ???"

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Female circumcision is not barbaric. It is done for a reason, to keep the female pure. If only we adopted such practices here in the UK, then maybe women would be less inclined toward infidelity and therefore family values would still be an integral part of society. Family values instil a sense of discipline and respect, which we need as a counteraction against the modern trend of zero respect and zero discipline that is undermining the very fabric of our decaying society."

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"What if I told you I tore the wings off of a fly. It probably wouldn't take a load off your conscience. However, according to Darwinian evolution man is no morally different than animals, such as flies. Would it really matter then if a man had his testicles torn up? Apparently not."

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"They all should be taken out back and shot because in America we appreciate the fact that we live a life that the the whole world envy. Whoever doesn't stand for the pledge is not an American and is probably a homo, Muslim or related to Michael Moore. Fags"

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"I'm no scientist but after reading the forum replies about no gravity being the cause, I believe the real cause could be that God rotated the planet sideways where the North And South Poles meet the equator - the hottest part of the area - making the polar ice regions melt huge amounts of frozen sea water. It's a shame Noah did not board the human-like ape, otherwise it would prove their existence some 7 million years ago."

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Moses wasn't perfect. o_O He was a murderer. And I don't know, maybe rape wasn't a sin yet."

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"whats wrong with useing hell fire and hate ful messages to preach the gospel of Christ? all that matters is that these people are saved and not taken into a satanic world of lies and deceit."

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"You claim that God doesn't exist, therefore nothing you say is valid or credible....."

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"[To a girl making a joke that she attends churches supporting gay marriage]

I will expose all of you Barbara Streissand loving sinners."

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"Once again, I would think a 22 year old to show more maturity and better debate skills. Only Christianity considers Christianity to be the One, True Religion because it IS. Give me excerpts from other books claiming themselves to be the one, true religion."

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"Government intrusion in family affairs is a big problem.

Not that I advocate abuse, but why can’t we smack the crap out of our kids anymore?"

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"[Note: this guy is a right-wing fundie]

Republicans are Christian and to believe there is a seperation between Chruch and State is to believe that gravity exist."

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"The angel Gabriel came to me in my dreams and told me that we live in a world of sin on this website..

Gabriel gave me a message from Him, the Almighty which stated that it is my duty to help you sinners on this forum find Him and convert before it's too late.."

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"A man covered up to his neck in dung is clenaer than a woman who just took a shower but wears immodest clothing to church."

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"Man can only think so many thoughts. All are found in the Bible."

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"so gravity is like magnetism?? why doesnt the "Vaccum" of space suck out the magnetic properties??"

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"Why in the hell do gays want to get married anyways?

Why can't they just **** off and be happy they can live together and not get beaten like its the 1950s"

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"You are wrong, people always like to blame God or Jesus for the bad things. In the other hand People tend like to worshiping devil.. because only devil can show them what is supernatural through magic or witchcrafts."

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"BigChrisFilm, watch your ******* back is all I have to say, cuz one day Im going to be right there beating your *** with a burning copy of the Old Testament."

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"The Bible says, seek and you shall find. The problem is most people aren't interested in knowing the truth because it's much easier to believe (and tell) lies especially when it's been passed down from your parent's parents."

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I am only anti science when they try to support things like evolution.
If they argree with what I believe, then I am very pro science.
For example, when science confirms that the Bible is true, that is good science."

Answer 2

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

Answer 3

Moses said multiple times that you have to read the bible as a poem. ..... wasn't Moses in the 2nd book of the bible? Not really a ton to go on there Moses ole boy.

Answer 4

There's a treasure trove of such quotes at the "fundies say the darndest things" site.

Answer 5

The only time Christians ain't eating,is when they are sleeping.

Answer 6

to bleat or not to bleat
to go blind or not to go blind