"Top 10 Ways of Knowing You've Joined the Wrong Church"?

Answer 1

The turnstile at the front door with the sign that reads:

Tokens $5.00 or you can join our Redemption Club and get 10 tokens for only $75.00

Answer 2

Top 10 ways to know you have joined the Wrong Church:

1. The pastor refers to God as "Jehovah" and constantly exhorts the congregation to "Witness."

2. New Members are required to submit W-2's for the last 10 years.

3. Pastor regularly attends meetings at Las Vegas and Atlantic City.

4. The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound."

5. You discover the church refers to the 10 commandments as the 10 suggestions.

6. The Women's quartet are all married to the Pastor.

7. The chancel cross has been replaced by a bronze pyramid.

8. Pastor preaches an eloquent sermon on ancient heresies and the deacons want to make them part of the doctrinal statement.

9. The new member's kit includes a Bible, church by laws, and an UZI.

10. The pulpit committee announces that they just discovered a problem with their one good candidate "She's Divorced."

Answer 3

10. Tom Cruise is there.
9. The leader straps a bomb to himself and blows up the front two rows of the congregation.
8. A portal to hell opens up and begins sucking people in.
7. A portal to hell opens up and starts spitting people out.
6. You're the only person there who's never drank someone else's blood.
5. You get a call from your prayer chain asking you to pray for the Philadelphia Eagles to finally win a Super Bowl.
4. "God" turns out to be an old man behind a curtain.
3. The offering demands that you donate all material wealth and belongings.
2. You are forced to offer your spouse to a violent orgy.
1. Your church begins an effort to sell blessed gasoline to fix it's budget.

Answer 4

1. don't use the bible as a source of information
2. Don't follow the guidelines in the bible. Say homosexuality is ok
Violence or murder or war is ok.
3. Lieing and stealing is ok if for a worthy cause. Its never OK
4. Has a unforgiveing spirit towards others
5. Racist, should have all races.
6. Shows love as its predominate spirit.
7. Be kind to others.
8. Looks out for the old people and the sick and elderly
9 Cares about others spirituality.
10. Preaches the establishment of God's kingdom that is mentioned in the Lords prayer. For his kingdom to come

Answer 5

There is an animal sacrifice on the after.

They want to sacrifice a virgin and are looking at you. You say, " Actually, I've done some very heavy petting.

They want you to dress in campy over-the -top animal outfits.

They want you to Take Jello pudding with lots of Valium and wear Keds brand tennis shoes so you will be ready when the comet comes!

Answer 6

- they won't accept you if you're not a "good" person
- they're not focused on God, but more on themselves and how the church looks
- they kick you out for saying what you think...and they won't listen to what you say
- they get mad at you and also won't accept you if you don't have fancy, expensive church clothes
- the pastor will preach...and will have great sermons, but him and no one else in the church follows the examples he preaches on
- it not always good i guess if the preacher won't tell you the truth about things...and instead will say that everything is great. sometimes things aren't great...like hell. some pastors won't even TALK about hell.
- they won't allow anything new...it all has to be traditional (which is good sometimes...but other times it can go too far)
- if something is wrong with your family they kick you out
- the pastor never preaches out of God's word...only out of what he thinks...
- and also if you don't feel God moving through the church...the church is a very powerful thing, but sometimes God just isn't in the picture which isn't cool

Answer 7

When you have joined a church.

Answer 8

when you read the bible and verify it with what the pastor is saying. If they pastor is putting his own opinion into everything and maybe even trying to force people to do things. And you will feel if that church is 'dead' or not.

Answer 9

When you feel anonymous.
When you feel no connection.
When the message never moves you.
When going to service is an effort.
When you don't feel completed when you enter.
When you don't feel part of something far bigger than you are.
When people there worry more about what everyone is wearing than what the message is.
When your child is not welcome there.
When anyone seeking a relationship with the Lord is not welcome there.

Answer 10

Communion is kool-aid from Jim Jones