help? from the women or insite from a gentleman?

Question

I have a full time first shift job,married, children. I come home to house work normal for having a family but by the end of the day I just am to tired and stressed to want sex. Is that wrong. It is not that I do not find my husband attractive or that I do not have the erge, but I am just so worn out. At my job I am on my feet and moving 7.5 hours and lift heavy stuff constanly.
I use what energy I do have to do house work and take care of our children. Am I wrong?

Praitul
I am not materialistic and neither is my hasband. We both have to work to support or family. It is not cheap.
But to the rest of you thank you very much for you honest mostly supportive answers.

Well is it wrong to put the children off with a babysitter after they are there 8.5/h a day while we are working. I just feel the need to bond with our children I suffer from seperation anxiety.

Answer 1

Not wrong, but don't forget that from a guy's perspective, they are busy and get tired but are basically always willing. Having been married for 12 years, I understand the ups and downs here... honestly, I don't think there is a good answer to this. Are you wrong to not want to? No. Is he wrong to want it? No. Where's the happy median? Tough to say, but if you and him are open with communication, this whole scenario shouldn't be a big shocker to him. Maybe try to have more quickies with him.

Answer 2

Nope, you aren't wrong. People get busy and tired and just not "in the mood". I'm sure if you explain it just that way to your husband he should understand. Maybe you can schedule some alone time away together on a weekend without the kids.

Hopefully your husband helps with the usual housework that needs to be done every day after you get home from work. If not, ask him to help out. If the kids are old enough, expand their chore lists to help you out a bit more.

You don't need to do it all. There are other people in the house and they should be helping take care of the family as well.

You could also hire someone to help with some of the chores around the house.

Answer 3

I work the regular day shift 8-5pm. My husband works the night shift from 2pm-11pm. The drive to my work and home takes about 1.5hr each. Draining by the end of the day. By the time he comes home, I am already in bed sleeping. We don't have sex during the weekdays. Only weekends, mostly Saturdays. Why don't you save a day of the week, get rested. But I can imagine having kids would be time consuming and tiring. How about having someone babysit them for a day?

Although it's not wrong that you are tired and can't bring your body to desire sex because maybe your mind is on other things. How does your spouse feel about it? Try talking about it first and see where it takes you.

Answer 4

You aren't wrong to be tired, but you are wrong to not find the energy for love making. There are all sorts of solutions for this one.... morning sex, sex before housework (which is my number one suggestion), or even hiring a housekeeper 3 days a week and knowing that at least on those days you won't have housework to do.... on the others days you can always save it for the housekeeper..ha, ha, ha. Anyway, my hubby works on his feet 12-15 hours a day 6 days a week and I need his love when he gets home, I understand he is tired but without his attention I feel like my entire day has been for nothing. I don't imagine your hubby feels exactly the same, but I do suspect he feels somewhat neglected. As I said, if sex is the only way he wants your attention then find another time to do it...make time. It's likely however that once you find time to say silly little I love yous and I missed you then your desire to make time for love will be clearly designated. With more specific info I could likely help better. You may contact me with the specifics if you like. Best wishes

Answer 5

You are not wrong but for the sake of your marriage you need to find time for you and your husband to connect, not just sexually. Talk to him about how you are feeling. Maybe he could help out a little more around the house so you are not so tired. Plan a date night without the kids if possibe. If you can't get a sitter, plan to put the kids to bed a little early one night and take some time for the two of you to just talk, have a glass of wine, and see what happens. We, as women, wives, and mothers, sometimes find ourselves spread too thin. When I am feeling that way sometimes even sex can become just one more chore. It shouldn't be that way and I find that putting a little energy into my relationship even if I feel like I don't have any to give actually makes me feel better. The energy I get back from my boyfriend is wonderful.

Answer 6

I commend you for working hard, raising your kids and knowing the value of hard work - your children will see this. Like anything in a relationship - there are areas we all have to wrok at - even time for sex. It is possible you have fatigue syndorm, etc or a poor diet , due to working so much and fast paced - these are 2 "easy" areas to identify and control.

Select times in the week that are less likely for you to be tired and more importantly - identify what "turns you on", the combination of the 2 should help your sex drive. Eat healthier - with a lot of protein, carbs - because I am sure you are burning more than you are taking in - aka the phrase "burned out"

Answer 7

Realistically you are not wrong, but I think that your husband should be willing to help you out more with things. Also, I think that you and your husband should think about a little bit of a lifestyle change. It sounds like you both are materialistic and that you both have to work so hard to maintain that lifestyle. If you were to give up on some of those things, you would not have to work so hard, and your children would benefit from having you around more also. Most of all, you and your husband would be able to find more time for yourselves and the intimacy of your marriage.

Answer 8

Absolutely No. Maybe if you discuss this with your husband. Perhaps if he could, maybe a couple of days a week, help with the housework, look after the kids and give you a relaxing night off, you could reward him with sex.

He could run you a bath so you can have a soak whilst he hoovers, cleans etc.

I'm sure if you made it clear that a bit of help your way would get him some action, that would be a great incentive :) Then again, if he's not bothered either, I don't see any problem. There can be loving relationships without any trace of sex.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with not having the energy to have sex after a long day at work. If it bothers you, you might suggest to your husband to take some of the house work duties that way you'll have a bit more energy for an after night party. ;)

Answer 10

Yes, I think you are wrong. To me, being too tired isn't a good reason not to have sex. I used to have to work up to 14 hours a day and still take care of home and kids and never ever missed a night with my husband. It helps keep couples close and connected. It is also a great stress reliever!