hi, please could i have parents opinion's?

Question

my daughter has been very naughtly in school today fighting and swearing at other kids!

i want to punish her and send her to her bedroom for night(which is not too bad as she has a computers and sky tv in her bedroom)

but her mum wants her to go to her weekly dancing lessons then send her to bed when she gets home.

this may sound very childish but who is giving the right punishment?

Please honest opinions only!

Thanks

Answer 1

You shouldn't be asking us as there are no right or wrong answers.

You need to sit down with your wife and come up with a compromise solution.

Answer 2

It sounds like your little girl has been getting away with things for a while...children learn their behavior and they just don't start to do something as bad as swearing and calling kids names and fighting. It has been happening for a while is my first thought.
Anyway...sending gher to bed with a TV and her computer is NOT punishment! Do you really think that is being punished???
Take the TV and computer out of her room...and then send her to bed for the ENTIRE night..no dance class...no TV...no Computer!

Then the next day ask her if she is going to start treating people the way she would want to be treated...if she answers yes...she can have back the Dance lessons...but, she will need to EARN back the TV and computer and that will take time and excellent behaviour.

Good luck...

Answer 3

Neither sounds like punishment to me.
She needs to go to her weekly dance lessons because it helps her to follow though, it requires discipline to be able to move forward and that is not a bad life lesson.
However, sending her to her room immedietely afterwards with all her gadgets is not punishment. She needs to be talked to first about why her actions were wrong- don't say she already knows because she does but she obviously needs to hear it again.
She needs a chore for a specified amount of time that takes physical exertion so she can work off some of her anger.
Make her rake the grass clippings for the next 5 lawn trimmings or something like that so she has time to think about why she is being punished.
Both your ideas seem passive aggressive and frankly they are not punishment enough for her actions.

Answer 4

May I offer a few suggestions?

Sending the child to her room, with a computer and a television is hardly punishment.

May I suggest that the child spend the evening at the kitchen table with you or her mother, and that she be required to write a letter of apology to every person that she offended today. The other kids. The teachers. And especially you and your wife. And if she does not do it properly, that you require her to do it again. And once she has the letters done, you take her to personally deliver them and apologize. This task should occupy all her free time until it is completely.

This will probably be harder for you than it will for your daughter. And it may turn into a battle of wills. But if you stick with your guns, you should see some improvement.

Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 5

first of all punishment is taking away things she enjoys n if she is doing this in school now it is only going 2 get worse.

one day punishment 4 fighting n swearing is nothing.it should be at least a week in the room,no tv,computer,phone,music,no outside school activities.

wanna see a change in her do that.if it does not work the first time double the time each additional time she does this.

my daughter was grounded 4 an entire summer like that n I have not had a problem in almost 4 years with her.

Answer 6

i am a mother of a 3 yeaar old and personally i wouldnt do either. if she goes to dance she is still doing the things she likes then going to her room after she is allowed to watch sky, go on the computer and everything and thats not a punishment. the same with going straight to her room - she has too many luxuries there. i would punish her by taking her luxuries away then sending her rto her room. or, if you dont have sky tv or a computer in your room, id make her stay there until its time for bed then send her to bed. if my daughter had really annoyed me, id send her to her room, but remove all of the plugs from her computer, tv etc so they're still there but she cant use them. kind of spiteful and childish, but sometimes playing them at their own game works best.

Answer 7

Oh dear, you don't say how old your daughter is, however, I too have a daughter, she is 11, I've been a single parent since she was 2. I have had to be strict but fair..... It is hard work, but I have always lived by 2 things and they work extremely well......

1/ Mean what you say and say what you mean ( good or bad, eg if you say you will treat her and have no money, you have to do without to follow through what you said and meant)

2/ Always be prepared to cut off your own nose to spite your face to follow through a punishment (eg if you have made plans to go to a dinner party and your daughter plays up, be prepared to cancel it to prove a serious point.)

Now for your circumstance..... I don't believe any child should be sent to their room for punishment , this should be a room of peace ( they sleep there ) .... Your wife should cancel dance lessons immediately ( my daughter foes to dance as well, this is a luxury ) I also think that your daughters behaviour is that of dis-respect and bullying.

I would suggest that you take away all her possessions ie/ TV, computer ( just take the plugs off ) and all other treats. Tell your daughter that these have been taken away with no time limit, and if her behaviour continues she will have no luxuries. She can earn her luxuries back over time, if you feel she deserves them through good behaviour. This will teach her respect and responsibility for her own actions.

You and your wife should unite strongly, and keep this kind of punishment consistent, as hard as it sounds it really does work, My daughter is pulled up on her behaviour constantly, but it never gets out of hand, because she knows ( I mean what I say and say what I mean ) we have an extremely close relationship, and there is allot of love, we cuddle all the time, and share quality time together. There is a lot of respect there from both parties, and our life is so simple, without arguments....

Children need guide lines to develop, it is up to us as parents to allow, and encourage them to grow up into self respecting pillars of community. If you don't deal with this in the correct way, your daughter will just think that it's ok, because if she does it again the reprimanding isn't that bad. all your daughter will think is,She still gets to go to dance, go on computer and watch TV.

Think this through, speak with your wife, and if this advice is not the right choice for you, just remember ( how would you feel if it was your daughter being hit and sworn at, at school ) ?

Good luck ( parenting is never easy )

Answer 8

It depends on whether she enjoys dance class or not. if she does, then keep her home. If she hates it, make her go. I'd turn off the computer and put the volume on the sky tv all the way up, this way if she turns it on you will hear it. Don't let her get her way, it will only get worse w/ time. My 14 year old has an attitude problem but each time she gets in trouble, the punishments get worse and worse so she is trying.

Answer 9

I think because you are putting the money into dance I would make her go to dance class, Take the TV and computer away for a week or 2. That way she can think about what she is doing wrong. And no phone either. Hope this helps! Good luck :)

Answer 10

I would send her to her dance lesson because I'm guessing it has been paid for in advance. Sending a child to their room is not a punishment nowadays as they have TV, computers etc. and probably prefer spending time there than with their parents!

Answer 11

Definitely no dance lesson! And she shouldn't be allowed to use the computer or the sky tv either! The other option would be to take one of those priveleges away, like her tv or pc for a set time so that she realises she has done wrong. Do this once, and she'll remember and be less likely to misbehave next time.