A freind, proposed to his g/f an hour ago, she walked out on him. they have been very close freinds for 20 years and lovers for 5, 2 weeks ago they had their first child, which he dotes on, a perfect couple you could not get anywhere in the world, they are so made for each other. he confided in me that he woke up, saw her beside him, little baby sleeping peacfully between mom and dad, and he realised that this is all he ever wanted right there in that moment. that is why he proposed, marriage is something they have talked about, but never followed through. i told him that when a woman has a baby the hormones are mixed and unbalanced as well as being a big shock, the proposal by the guy she loves isn't a thing to be taken lightly. she has probly taken time to herself, so she can think things out and make a decision. i just advised him to wait it out and give her space, she'll come to him, and even if she rejects the proposal today, it doesn't mean that a wedding won't be in the future.
2006-06-28 04:00:35 · 13 answers · asked by Beth_Bitch 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I've never been pregnant but I would figure you are pretty much bang on with what you said. I mean, you hear all of these stories about post partum depression and they can't be all fake so, it would make sense that her hormones are still a mess. She's been pregnant for 9 months and her body probably hasn't had a chance to flush those hormones out yet. I'm sure if he gives her some time, she'll accept.
2006-06-28 11:48:14 · answer #1 · answered by Patricia D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have your head on straight and you are so right about the postpartum stuff... she may be going through a little bit of the depression that some women go through. Your advice is so on target. No matter what happens - they will always be connected through that child.
2006-06-28 11:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree in principle with what you said to him, but I fear that she will be offended by the suggestion that she's just being hormonal. Even if it's true, it might hit a nerve and make things worse. I would advise your friend to tread lightly on that topic, or just steer clear altogether. He just shouldn't mention post-partum depression or hormones... anything like that.
I think in situations like this, the smartest thing a guy can do is to just take the blame. It doesn't matter so much that he may not know what he did wrong. The important thing is to just start off by being willing to admit he's a dufus! He can nail down the details of WHY he's a dufus later on. When he talks to her, he should say "Babe, I'm so sorry! I don't know what I said wrong, but obviously, I was a jerk. I want you to tell me exactly how I screwed up so I never, ever do it again. I love you more than anything, and I wouldn't hurt you for the world if I could help it." I know that'd soften me up. He just better be prepared for her to tell him EXACTLY what a jerk he his. It'll be almost as hard for him as it was for her to go through labor.
Now, I'm just totally speculating here, but perhaps what set her off is that he waited so long to propose. She went through five years of a relationship, nine months of pregnancy, and God-knows-how-many hours of torture in the labor room before he finally received his moment of inspiration. She probably thought "NOW you're proposing??!!!" I bet if she hadn't walked out she would've kicked him right in the nuts!
I don't really think it's irrational of her to feel kind of hurt and angry in that moment. Her walking out, now THAT was a bit over-the-top, and where we can most likely blame the hormone fluctuations. But still, the motivation behind her walking out, I think she was right on (if my suspicions are correct, that is).
I'd definitely be PO'd if he did things all out of order like that. Yeah, yeah, he thought it was such a romantic, pure moment of love and bliss and all that, but y'know... that stuff is for TV shows. In real life, women prefer their men figure out they want a family with you BEFORE they actually make a family by her going through the worst physical pain of her life. It's like she had to prove her love before he would pony up with a proposal. I mean, geez, they were together for FIVE YEARS. What the heck was he waiting for??
Yeah. The more I think about it, the more sure I am. He saw his kid's face for five minutes, and suddenly he proposes. Hey, he saw HER face for 25 years! Why wasn't that enough to make him know he wanted to be with her forever? Why'd it take her going through labor and childbirth for him to finally see what was right in front of him his WHOLE LIFE?
Geez, I'm kind of getting pissed off here, myself, on her behalf. I totally feel for her! He has some big apologizing to do. BIG floral bouquets. GRAND gestures. An original, beautiful, public proposal that declares to the world he was an idiot to wait so long to reach out and grab what he should have always known he wanted.
Hmmph!
2006-06-28 23:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree 100% with you. Women are very emotional when they are pregnant and for a little while afterwards. Tell him to just relax and she will come around...she just needs time.
2006-06-28 12:21:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah i think you gave some good advise by what i know
2006-06-28 11:05:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he had a ring? Dos he got on his knees? Where flowers on the bed? He has to do a better job than that... she deserves it...
2006-06-28 11:51:46 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right. Hopefully it will work out for the best.
2006-06-28 11:18:58 · answer #7 · answered by icddppl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are right, especially if she was not expecting a proposal right now.
2006-06-28 13:16:45 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you gave him some good advice there.
2006-06-28 11:13:27 · answer #9 · answered by bg_cutiepie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't have said it better myself :)
2006-06-29 00:08:42 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋