Help!! Mom moved 2 streets over and now she is here all the time.?

Question

Don't get me wrong I dearly love her but 24/7 with me and her just doesn't work. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Answer 1

I lost my mom 2 years ago in july, you will regret saying what you are saying she is your mom , she kept you till you moved on , you should keep her forever till shes gone , and just enjoy her while you have her... when she passes you will be then on here asking how do i live without my mom ??

Answer 2

Letting her move so close to you in the first place was a big mistake. You knew this would happen if she did that, right? But you took the passive route and didn't stand up for yourself, and now it's going to be even more difficult to talk with her and set boundaries. Setting boundaries is what you are going to have to do, and that's all there is to it.

You don't give your age, or hers, but it sounds like she may be elderly. First, you have to start with some straight talk with her. Don't continue to make things more difficult by continuing to avoid the confrontation. Sometimes relationships require short term pain for long term benefit, and this is one of those situations. Better to bruise the feelings a little bit now, before her routine gets any more set and her expectation levels get any higher, than to have this simmer at a low boil until the relationship just explodes. Just tell her, point blank, "mom, I'm an adult with my own life now, I love you but I need more independence if we are both going to be happy."

She is probably bored and lonely. Help her find other social activities she can do on her own, at a senior center or library or volunteer center nearby. Sounds like she is using you as a crutch to avoid forming even normal relationships with new friends and neighbors after her move. You are not doing her a favor to let her do this! BOTH of you will be better off if you are firm about her developing an independent social life and not being so invasive of yours.

Answer 3

Well, I don't know the specifics (thanks SO much) but she IS your mother, right? You know, carried you in her womb for nine months, went through the agony of labor and childbirth, pretty much GAVE you life.

yeah, you're right, she should just BACK OFF and let you decide the whole visitation schedule...

Look, she probably LOVES you and wants to be a part of your life, especially if she's screwed things up somehow. You don't have to "hurt her feelings" All you have to do is just find some other place to be when you need a "sanity break"...can you do THAT MUCH for the lady that made your life possible?

Once again, I don't know the details...

Answer 4

problems with relationship stems from not setting boundaries and not communicating needs. Establish what boundaries you would like to set for example: Mother should not visit during dinner time, homework time, Friday nights etc. Mom should never criticize my spouse etc., Mom should call first during the week etc.

Open communication is using tact and exercising respect and discretion. For example: Mom I am very happy that you living really close to me. I feel safe and supported, knowing that you are around the corner. I would like to ask one favour though, that perhaps maybe we could coordinate times that are appropriate to allow me and spouse privacy or perhaps if you can call first before dropping by during the week or whatever you want to say.

Just exercise tact and set your boundaries. Be clear about it and be consistent with it.

Answer 5

My wife and I just bought are first home less than a mile from my moms house. We put a sign on the front door that reads if you didn't call first then go home and do so. So far it has worked just fine. I would also explain that you need your adult space to do your own thing.

Answer 6

I'm sorry, but you are going to have to tell her what you are feeling.
That she is at your place too much. It probably will hurt her some.

Try to phrase it like
"i need more time alone"
and "I would love to see you at your house" or
"I'm sorry, right now is NOT a good time"

Try not to say,
"you are here too much and i want you to go away so i can breathe!"

I'm sorry because there might not be a way to do this without hurting her feelings. Try to be adult, not-accusatory. tell her you really love her. be sure not to be wishy-washy about what you want to be different - about what you need. that just makes it more complicated and can cause more hurt than necessary to both of you.

Answer 7

Watch some "Everybody Loves Raymond" and you'll get a good idea of what's to come. *lol*

Seriously, you just need to tell her that you need some time to yourself and having her constantly coming over is time consuming. Maybe set aside times where it's OK for her to come over, like say she can come over anytime before 7pm or something.

Answer 8

I know you love your mom and all that stuff, but the same thing happen to me. Well, after I couldn't take it any more I let her walk in on me and my hubby. I'll tell you this much she doesn't just come over anymore. We make arrangements to go out or for her to come over, vice verse. She says to this day. "Honey I hope your hubby keeps it in his pants cuz y'all scared me and I don't want to every encounter that again.

Answer 9

Be honest with her and tell her you do not want her there constantly. Try to be understanding and maybe help her get out and meet people her age. Try bingo or the mall walkers, and hopefully all goes well.

Answer 10

Sometimes you just have to be firm and use the two magic words, "GET OUT" I guarantee that there were times in your childhood that she used them on you.

This doesnt mean that you dont love her, you just have to create a healthy boundary.