A colleague of mine, who I know only through work, not at all personally, mentioned that he'd invite me for a visit sometime in the summer and we could have a BBQ on his garden. I know he's just trying to be nice and it is a nice offer, but I'm really not comfortable with going there and I know that my husband won't even consider going if he gets invited there too. We're just not much into things like this, visiting people we hardly know at all and eating with them. I don't want my colleague to get insulted or anything, but I don't want to go. How can I politely turn down his offer if he asks me?
2006-06-28 02:41:55 · 33 answers · asked by undir 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It's not that I don't want to get to know new people or that I don't want to socialize with colleagues, I'm just not comfortable with doing it like this. I'd be fine with going to a restaurant with him for a while after work for example, or going for a BBQ if there were more colleagues there, but being invited over to his house for a BBQ lunch with his family that I haven't even met... well, it's a different thing. I think it would just be too weird, since I don't even know him well, he's older and has a family etc. I just know I'd feel awkward going there and I also like to return favours, but right now I'm not in a position to invite him for anything.
2006-06-28 03:10:05 · update #1
It's true that he has not yet invited me, but he sounded like he just got the idea (he mentioned what village he lives in and I said I didn't know where it was, so he got this idea) and wanted to find time for this. He sounded serious about it, he's not really the kind of guy who mentions or offers something without meaning it, so I just want to know how I can react if he asks me, because the last thing I want is to hurt him or insult him, yet I'd prefer not going if I can possibly get out of it.
2006-06-28 03:15:47 · update #2
Since you are still game to socialize... Why not suggest going to a BBQ place where it would be more enjoyable to invite a larger group of friends... Plus he wouldn't be burdened with all the cooking and cost... Play up the fact that you and your husband don't particularly like the summer heat, sweating and smoke of an outdoor BBQ... and that you appreciate the offer... but you'll pass up the offer because of the above...
2006-06-28 04:04:44 · answer #1 · answered by deakjone 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like there is more to it than what you are saying. What is the harm in going? Probably none but you have issues in your own mind that this would be a problem. Your outlook on things is part of what is wrong with the world today. It has been proven that adults are lonlier today than they were a generation back. Why? Because people haven gotten so wrapped up in what is politically correct, what is predominantly socially proper opposed to just trying something, have become way too self absorbed, etc... Get over it and try it. You may surprise yourself and have a good time. If you don't, life goes on and you then have a ligit reason to turn down any future invitations. Honest to goodness, how else to you expect to be able to get to know someone on a personal level?
2006-06-28 03:48:05 · answer #2 · answered by Megan B 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You say he "mentioned that he'd invite me for a visit sometime in the summer and we could have a BBQ on his garden."
So he has not yet actually invited you, and he may forget the offer of a future invitation.
So there is nothing to decline.
If he does invite you then you can simply so "No, Thank you."
If you feel an explanation or reason is needed tell him that your husband is uncomfortable around strangers.
2006-06-28 03:02:14 · answer #3 · answered by Check Spelling 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like the "invite" was just sorta tossed out there. He hasn't asked yet and more than likely the invite will not truely come about. Don't fret over something that "might" or "might not" happen. But if the invitation does come about, just say that you and your husband have previous plans, but thanks anyway. Then drop it. Don't mention "some other time". And in the mean time, when talking with this person, avoid topics such as BBQ's, cooking, etc.
2006-06-28 02:57:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always think up something - busy for the event or something that can work for all cases of garden BBQ. For example, you are allergic to smth and you shouldn't eat in the open. Or you have rheumatism and you shouldn't sit in the open for long.
The question is should you do it? after all, he'll sometimes invite you can not make an excuse for not going and a very nasty situation will occur. And after all, he's you collegue - why not use this chance to become closer? Think about this.
2006-06-28 02:52:12 · answer #5 · answered by Mariya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Oh, thank you so much for the offer, I'm sure it would be lovely. It's just that there is so much going on at home it's really hard for us to schedule anything, and I would hate to have to cancel at the last minute. When things calm down a little bit for us, I'll let you know."
If this person has the slightest bit of sense, they'll leave the subject alone. And if by chance your relationship with this person does develop into a friendship, there are lots of ways for you to take the lead in inviting yourself over.
Good luck.
2006-06-28 02:47:18 · answer #6 · answered by kwanyin_mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. You may just have to go and bite the bullet. You can't make excuses forever. A BBQ is a nice way to get together with people you don't know so well, its a great ice breaker. I think you should go, and I will bet you have a much better time than you think. Remember, they are just as uncomfortable as you are and after the 1st hour, the uncomfortability will be gone.
2006-06-28 02:49:18 · answer #7 · answered by Mark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should reconsider. It's very common to socialize with colleagues outside of work. It promotes a healthy work atmosphere and builds a better team. What's the real problem with socializing for a few hours at a barbecue? You never know you might just have a good time.
Or you could just say you're busy that weekend.
2006-06-28 02:46:45 · answer #8 · answered by peanutzz52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes ,you are right,follow yr heart pal!
just tell this 'immature' guy that yr husband will be flying outstation for a board meeting for a day and you will have to go too!
If you dont want to give any 'excuses' ,just profusely thank yr colleague and say that yr husband does not permit so.......remember being straightforward with people is the best way to steer clear of hypocrisy and this goes a long way in establishing yr character,mark my words he will not lend a similar offer again!!
2006-06-28 03:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by cerebral onus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could bring another friend rather than your husband, suggest your colleague make a larger event of it inviting many people from work or suggest a different social event that involves more people such as a pool party at someone else's house.
2006-06-28 02:50:11 · answer #10 · answered by Dark Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋