She is very stong willed and has stated she plans to start college in the fall. Right now and for the past 6 weeks, she will not go by the house rules(regarding time to be home, cleaning up to help me out around the house, etc). When confronted she really acts as if I'm in her way. Considering she is so strong willed I'm afraid if I push she will run away - I think that would be worse!
2006-06-28 02:18:34 · 45 answers · asked by shrrynrrs 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are right you should not try to punish or anything. That might cause a distance between you two. Every girl (at least most) goes through that phase. She is 18, she is free. (That is how she sees it).
Give her room. Respect her and make it known that you respect her as an adult. Than she will drop her shields and start opening her ears. Don't try to stop her from partying (because she will do behind your back) but put limits slowly.
Listen to her. How it went? Who did she meet? Did she meet any cute guys? and etc. At least that way you know what she is doing. And in between let her know you worry about certain stuff and explain why. She will listen.
Good luck.
2006-06-28 02:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by Cilek 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Running a little behind the power curve here, aren't you ? By this time, you should have already had a handle on how to control your daughter but it sounds like she is ruling the roost.
You are not doing her any favors by allowing her to bully her way through the summer. That isn't going to work for employers in the future nor with new friends or a husband. I assume you are planning on paying for or helping her pay for college ? Well, then, you are still supposed to be in control. Time to act like it.
I would suggest that you insist on her following the rules and set consequences for not. Either she comes home by a certain time or she finds another home to live in. Either she gets a job and helps pay for college or she doesn't get any help paying for college from you. Either she cleans up her mess or you throw it out. Either she washes her dishes or you don't make any more meals for her. CONSEQUENCES are the only thing that will bring her up short. If there are no consequences, why should she do anything ?
And if she runs away, then she runs away. She's 18 - if she chooses to do that, then that is a consequence (and the consequences thereof) she chooses and with which she will have to deal.
It's going to be hard on you. Tough love time.
2006-06-28 02:24:59 · answer #2 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't force her cause more you do more she will "misbehave" just let her be fore the moment cause with her being so strong willed you might find that when her new term starts she will be all ready to start, at the moment she relaxing and enjoying her youth. But if she starts rebelling heavily then try talking with her to see if she has any problems with wont be something easy to do cause allot of teens don't like or want to speak with there parents about anything so tread carefully. So as I said before give her a little space pushing someone into something isn't always the best thing to do. Just give her time cause shes still learning about life.
2006-06-28 02:30:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to want to have fun & do what she's doing at her age, but she also has to respect your rules. Both of you sit down & compromise on what you both think are fair rules. This way she'll have a little freedom & you won't worry so much. If not, give her an ultimatum. No car, phone, I'm sure there is something you can stop paying for if she doesn't straighten up. My mom quit paying for my insurance & I had to park the car. It sucked but I got a job & became more responsible. Just a reminder, college is one big party, if your paying for it you may want to set some ground rules there too.
2006-06-28 02:31:37 · answer #4 · answered by thesmart1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably thinks that since she's 18 and graduated, she can do whatever she wants now. If you want her to go by the house rules, maybe you should offer her something. Like...if she is home on time and helps clean the house for the next week or so, take her out somewhere or do something that she enjoys.
2006-06-28 02:28:04 · answer #5 · answered by lobster098 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be to pushy you must remember what it was like to graduate High School and become an adult. You just need to let her have her fun and not get to over controlling, because if you do it will only lead to more problems. Just let her know you understand that she wants to have fun, and tell her it is OK. However, tell her if you are willing to let things go like her missing curfew and such then she needs to at least due her part around the house. One very important thing is that she keeps in touch when she is out all night, make that very clear.
2006-06-28 02:27:30 · answer #6 · answered by j :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you maybe have a tuff one. 18 and wants only to party. Well, I believe one way or another she needs to have some responsibilities around the house before any partying. You need to sit down with her and explain the rules of the house. She needs to complete all her assigned tasks before she goes out and you need to be prepared to lock her out of the house if she can't be in when you say. If it's out she wants then help her out and get her a small apt. this way you at least know where's she at. Give her the responsibility to pay her own way and I believe the partying will end sooner than you think! I believe this is where the tuff love comes in, female or male.
2006-06-28 02:55:43 · answer #7 · answered by Roddy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, sounds just like me when I was her age. The only thing that really got me out of my rut was when my mom intervened. I was partying, doing drugs and just out of control. Sounds like all she needs is some good ol dicipline. Just tell her you have had enough and she cant continue to treat herself and her family this way, she needs to have respect for you, your her mother. Sooner or later she will feel really bad about how she treated you, but you need to at least try and put your foot down and let her know your the parent and she is the child. She might run away and I did for a couple days but my mom brought me home and I love her so much for that, she is a great parent and really helped me get through my confused tough time. If you dont, things will get worse for her especially when she is away at college. Pray to God for strength, he will help you through these tough time, things will get better. God Bless you.
2006-06-28 02:30:06 · answer #8 · answered by lovemybaby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom has been going through this exact thing with my younger brother, and I see how much it upsets her, so I feel for you as well. All I can say is pick your battles wisely. For example, once my mother lifted my brother's curfew, he started telling her where he was going and who he would be with so at least she knew the basics in case of an emergency. And as for cleaning the house, my mom makes my brother choose between doing some chores or paying her grocery money. (Usually he chooses the chores because he doens't want to pay).
Either way, hang in there. She'll find who she is eventually and you two will have a great friendship.
2006-06-28 02:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by AncientlyModern 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right - if you push it will only get worse, She is 18 and she only has you to thank for her obtaining her status.
I would imagine at this age she may feel that she should not be governed by house rules! However it would be appreciated if she could possibly inform you of her plans just to let you know where she is going.
She could try to find a part-time job to help out, after all she will need funding toward her college....
You could try to reason with her,
2006-06-28 02:35:46 · answer #10 · answered by Angel Wings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋