Would you Please help me to correct my mail?

Question

I am English learner. I worried that I make mistake in my email. Please help me to check it. I think all of you helping.

Dear John,

This is Peter. May I know when I should arrive on my first working day? What sort of things that I need to prepare before coming to ABC?

Look forward to hearing from you soon!

Best Regards
Peter Wong.

Answer 1

Firstly, I'm going to help you out with the rest of your English in the question, as well as with your email.

Your question, "Would you Please help me to correct my mail?" is correct English, except where you have written 'Please' with a 'P' instead of a 'p'. 'Please' is not a proper noun (name of something) and does not need a capital.

Where you say "I am English learner", you need to include an article, in this case 'an'. The first two links below tell you more about article use. This sentence should read 'I am an English learner." You got the capitalisation of 'English' correct here, though. Well done!

Your next sentece, "I worried that I make mistake in my email." contains problems with tenses. Firstly, you are currently worried and you continue to be worried, so you should tell us about your current state with the use of 'I am': 'I am worried that...'. The next part about making a mistake has some problems too, but you're almost there. Pay attention to articles here also! Because you have finished writing your email, any mistakes are complete. They are therefore in the past. You need to say 'I am worried that I made a mistake in my email' or 'I am worried that I have made a mistake in my email.' Both are correct because the action of making a mistake is complete. The second link below explains using the tenses of English correctly.

Your third sentence is perfect!

I'm not sure about your fourth sentence, though. I think you might mean 'I thank all of you for helping'.

Now, to your email!
"Dear John" is fine.
"This is Peter" is also fine.

"May I know when I should arrive on my first working day?" is a very awkward sentence, and is not something a native speaker of English would say. Although the way you use the language is correct, it sounds very formal and like an older form of English. A more relaxed form would be "Could you please tell me what time to arrive on my first day of work?" or "Could you please advise me when I should arrive for my first day at work?" These sound more like native English, and are more appropriate for asking a question of an employer via email.

"What sort of things that I need to prepare before coming to ABC?" makes sense, but is not quite grammatically correct. You have used 'that' where you should have used 'do'. This is the only error here! Well done!

"Look forward to hearing from you soon!" is almost correct, and many native English speakers would use it, but I would recommend one change to it: either say "I look forward to hearing from you soon!" or "I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon!". Essentially, there's nothing wrong with it the way it is now, but it will sound more correct to include a personal pronoun.

Your closing line "Best Regards" is fine, but again, it doesn't require a capital R. You should end this line with a comma. I've put a link about the conventions of using commas letter writing for you to look at as well.

This email is quite understandable, but the phrasing does not sound quite like native English. Keep practicing, you're doing really well!

To use English correctly, your email could be better written:

"Dear John,

This is Peter. Could you please tell me when I should arrive for my first day at work? What sort of things do I need to prepare before coming to ABC?

I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Best regards,
Peter Wong."

Answer 2

I'll rewrite what you have written and you can see the differences.
Would you please help me correct my e-mails. I am an English learner ( I am learning English) I worry that I make mistakes in my e-mails. I thank you all for your help.
Dear John,
This is Peter. What time should I start work on my first day ? Should I prepare anything before coming to ABC ?
Yours sincerely,
Peter Wong.

Answer 3

Dear John Smith,

Please inform me of the date that you wish me to begin working at ABC, and the sorts of things that I should prepare for in advance of my start date. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Best Regards,
Peter Wong

Answer 4

I think your mail sounds just fine the way it is. If I would have written it, I would have written:

Dear John,

I'm just writing to confirm my start date and time. As discussed, my first day of work will be July 1st - is this still correct? What time would you like me to come in? Is there anything I can do to prepare for the job? Will I need to bring anything?

Thanks in advance for any help or advice you have. I look forward to hearing from you, and to working with you!

Sincerely,
Peter Wong

You'd want to put in the start date you discussed, of course. Honestly, though, I think your letter is just fine the way it is. Good job!

Answer 5

You are doing fine Peter. But you could better phrase it as

I would like to know about the time I should be in the office on the first working day. Also, are there any preparations that I need to carry out before I arrive there

Answer 6

Yo Jo-dawg

I be Peter. When the show start. Wat I gotta be ball and chaining in my hobo sack.

Hook me up with the easy button.

Word up
Petro-man