My husband seems to be angry with me and hence hasnt spoken to me for several weeks. He hasnt expressed himself clearly and refuses to speak on the subject but according to me, this could be the issue.
1. he is upset and disappointed abt his career. i had not supported his business initiative which did not fetch any returns after 1 year and caused some worry among us (includes his parents).
2. he is disappointed with our marraige as we fight often and I end up crying as I am unable to express myself. The issues are usually around his lack of interest in me, lack of support and wanting to spend time with me.
Now, he is angry/upset and talks as little as is possible.
2006-06-27 21:56:25 · 31 answers · asked by Doll 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When you naturally consider counseling, keep in mind that somewhere near 80% of couples who go to marriage counseling get divorced. What do you want out of your marriage?
First of all, the wall that prevents communication has to come down. A counselor doesn't take it down for you: you both have to do that.
What is the basis of your marriage? Is God at the center of it? If He is, then go to a Pastoral Counselor and know that you will have to change your life. Rule number one is the following: You can't change other people. You can only change yourself. People with issues such as you talk about usually have a great conflict in what they want. It doesn't have to be that way, but change is hard. Right now both of you are hurting and, to some degree, you are either blaming one another or feeling guilty about things. Neither one of those emotions is going to build you back up.
If you don't feel like going to a pastoral counselor then by all means find a secular counselor. I hope it helps you and you beat the odds. The bottom line is what each of you are willing to do in order to stay together. I think at the stage you are, that's almost impossible without God's help.
2006-07-10 09:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by Bentley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Starting a businessss can be difficult; especially without the support from the other spouse. Your husband may have resentment towards you b/c you never supported his idea of having his own business. Since the business has failed he probably blames you even more, again you never supported him on the idea. Yes..starting a busines is very stressful, especially the 1-3 years. However, it's best for you and your marriage that you support your husband's decision for wanting to start a business. In the end, if the business is successful you'll ripe all the benefits for having a successful business. I'm sure you would expect to receive the fruits of the business.
I don't know if you work or not. BUT if you don't you may want to think about getting a part-time job or see what part you can play in helping the business to grow.
It's going to a rough ride. Trust me. I live the life and know it all to well. My husband has several businesses and each one took time getting up. Just be supportive. Apologize and see what you can do to help the business successful. Seek counseling if necessary!
2006-07-11 17:31:07 · answer #2 · answered by WhatEVER27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I does sound like he is angry. Are you sure it is about you? Maybe he is upset about the career not working out.
It does sound like you are aware you haven't exactly made him happy. Have you thought about apologizing for the wrongs you have done? It also sounds like you are very needy. If you complain and cry all the time, you are not fun to be around. Try controlling your attitude, his might change if you are more positive. I am sure it is not all one person, in a marriage, we tend to react to the negatives of our partners, sometimes without even realizing it. Try remembering when you were happy together, how you treated him. Then try to implement the respect and kindness from that time. When someone feels loved they tend to express love back. I do think counseling would be a very good idea.
Try not to be emotionally needy (or let him see it so much), get outside interests and build your self confidence. That will only make you happier which will help the marriage. It will also be a stepping stone for life on your own if you are unable to work things out (Not saying it won't work, but just in case). Good luck, try to be happy!
2006-07-10 18:39:40 · answer #3 · answered by jodi M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can't but with the help of a counselor perhaps you can! What I mean is it sounds as though you two love each other but just can't seem to have a "meeting of the minds" so to speak. Counseling is also covered under state aide if you are receiving that so don't worry if that is your case. Consider asking your husband if he would be willing to try and work things out through a neutral party (counseling). You might be surprised....Also, even if he refuses the offer how about you going solo...sounds like you have some issues that need resolving and maybe counseling would be a good way to start....Best wishes to you and him..
2006-07-10 22:40:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your message itself amounts to a confession of guilt on your side.Marriage is a compromise and understanding between two individuals, hence both should be able to understand each other. While you have set your standards from him, you seem to have not tried any method to understand him, his needs, his worries etc. You were always finding oppurtunities to find fault with his deeds. You fight with him because you did not get what you want from him, but I doubt whether you cared for what he needs from you.
Spend a little time in making a SWOT( strength, weakness, oppurtunities & threats) analysis on yourself and your husband. Do not be influenced with any other stimuli from outside( ie> your parents, his parents, relatives etc) and be impartial in your thoughts. I am sure you will find the answer for a better family life.
Take care!
2006-06-28 05:07:40 · answer #5 · answered by THE WORRIER 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to solve those parts that you think they upset him, you know that he is upset , so do not keep asking him why you are upset, try to show him that you understand what is wrong with him and what is upseeting him.
For the first point you said: Try to support him in his businness and if you can do anything physical just give him support and encourage him.
For the second point i know how you feel when you see his lack of interest of you but this is because of his troubles of business so stop telling him why you are far and why you do spend time with me
SHARE EVERTHING WITH YOUR HUSBAND CAN SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS
God be with you Both
2006-07-12 03:46:15 · answer #6 · answered by UnkowntoMyself 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like there is something else going on with him. Many times when people have problems within themselves, they like to make the ones closest to them hurt too. The only way you are going to make your marriage work is through communication. If he is refusing to talk to you and he doesn't even seem to care if he is hurting you then I would assume he is hiding something. His lack of interest in you should not be happening this early in a marriage. You need to step outside of the box and really see what may be going on. Have you tried to talk to his mom about this? Sometimes if you can talk to her without putting the blame on him but act like your trying to understand him then she may talk to you. You definetly don't sound happy and you should probably consider getting out of the marriage before he brings you down and you have no self-esteem left. Start thinking ahead and planning what your options are. If he is physically abusing you, then do not take it any more. Call a DVIS (Domestic Intervenion Service) counselor and see about getting help. Even if it is just mentally, check it out. Sometimes mental abuse is just as bad. Do what it takes to make you happy. Don't stay in this marriage just because you think it is your fault. If he is acting like this now, what will he be like in 5 years? Think about it.
2006-07-11 13:39:49 · answer #7 · answered by curious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write him a letter if he stopped speaking.. explaining how you want to discuss this like adults and not children. also as nanny 911 says take the 3 and 30.. 3 problems each and talk about them for 30 minutes then throw the problem away.. soon or later you 2 will learn how to talk to each other again.. good luck .. break the silence
2006-07-08 20:06:34 · answer #8 · answered by montanamom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to be suportive no matter what he does. your married.you dont have a choice.he feels alone and not believed in.I made plenty of bad investment and business solutions myself
before i made any real money back.7 out of ten business fail.
70% . most people own 5 before they figure out what theyre doing wrong. be supportive.propose you two start something together.
act interested (truly).being a man in this exact situation before
the only reason things got better is because i saw she was truly supportive and caring and unconditionally approving of my choices.believe in him so he can believe in himself.
2006-07-11 19:48:37 · answer #9 · answered by levi m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try talking with him to break the ice I'm sure he'll talk with you nothing should stop him from talking with you omg that's truly sad sure we have our ups & downs but we always kiss each other good nite & a kiss every morning,tell each other that you love each other all the time even when were arguing maybe you should try this.Good Luck
2006-07-10 23:05:00 · answer #10 · answered by sugarbdp1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋