Troubled sibling?

Question

I have a sister who is has been on the decline for the past couple years, who has been getting worse with relationships with people. And I dont know wat to do! She has made quite a few enemies at our neighborhood, and they trash talk her all the time.

She comes home late, never answers her cell phone, is always with her friends, and just leaves without telling our parents a lot of times.

Also, she has been developing a dysfunctional relationship with our parents. She constantly fights with them and is always getting in trouble.

The catch is shes only 11 right now, and is just overall a difficult person to talk to. I quite often try to help her by giving her contructive critisism, but just gives me attitude like she does to our parents.

Im a junior in High School and understand wat shes going through, and did the same thing, but not 1/4 as bad as wat she does. But when i try to connect she just pushes me away.

I NEED HELP!!!

Just tonite, my mother has taken her phone away. But we dont have the financial abilites to seek a professional therapist. But I....have a difficult time trying to get close, shes always so snappy, and has to have the last word, its even more difficult on my step-parents and biological parents too. She has been grounded on and off for the last 2 months.

Also, this is funny too, im her brother, not her sister, just wanted to clear that up.

My parents know all about this, I dont try to take everything on myself, i just need advice to give her. And i dont know how we are gonna solve this, cuz hell the way its goin with parental relationships its goin down the crapper, cuz of all the fights and "disscussions" they have on this subject. i just want it all to end, I want to fix her. By the way is there anyway to? Cuz i got lots of tools in my toolbox. Would a hit over the head with a rubber hammer work?

Answer 1

I used to act just like her from age 9-16 I used to disappear with friends all hours of the night and come home with no answers. But then again I had a cop for a dad..I was always in trouble and I think after the scare my mom and dad did to me i learned alot..My folks pretty much told me to get into the car and took me down to the MORGUE of all places and asked me if I wanted to end up like that...then after that I tried to committ suicide cause i thought they ment they didn't want me around and ended up in a psych ward and then put on house arrest for two and a half years...But the morgue was thier last step and it scared the only livin crap outta me. I understand not havin the money for help i lived the same way...But...now I see the way people are raising thier kids letting them get away with everything ..what happened to old fashion discipline..one take the Phone away two ground them don't let them leave the house ...3...Tell her she isn't going anywhere unless you know where she is going and what she will be doing...4 Everyone should have respect for their elders that includes the parents,teachers, etc...and if this don't work...talk to the police department in your town..see how she likes to be locked up...thats one thing my mom and dad did that i didn't like but..got used to it...in this situation your parents need to show her who is boss...even if it means taking out a belt and whipping her butt with it...I hope this helps you out...

Answer 2

you know sometimes people don't understand how to express themselves fully in a manner that will say I need you. For some reason there is something going on with your sister that she can't seem to relate to anyone but her friends. I would give an opinion on the basis that it's exactly what I'm going through with my son whom is 14. If you belive in the word of God and that His word is true,know that God loves your sister and what you need to do is to love her too. Just do sweet things that would catch her off guard. like what ever her favorite color is buy a shirt, a card , leave messages that will show her that you and your parents love her. Start now with a poem. This is a verse from the bible..
....I have loved thee with an everlasting love:therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3........here is something else....
It's amazing and incredible,but it's as true as it can be,God loves and understands us all and that means You and Me- His grace is all sufficient for the Young and Old,for the lonely and the timid,
for the brash and for the bold, His love knows no exceptions,so never feel excluded,No matter Who or What you are,Your name has been included-And no matter what your past has been,Trust God to understand, And no matter what your problem is just
place it in HIs hand-For in all of our Unloveliness
this Great God Loves Us Still, He loved us since the
world began and what's more,He Always Will!

I know it's long, just give the Lord a try!

Answer 3

Dont take it all on board yourself. You are an amazing sister and your love for her will help her pull herself out of her situation. Your parents need to be involved and you all need to demonstrate unity. It is a hard ask to be patient with her when her departure from the normal family life is so intense. She is probably very independant and doesnt want to follow in everybody elses footsteps. She doesnt realise that you have all had a walk and made choices and learnt from your experience. She is a little self centred and probably strongly protected by her friends. Trust me she will eventually lose interest. Become bored and decide to move on to a responsible life. Keep telling her you love her and dont judge her. She will need you a little way down the road. You will probably both laugh at the foolishness of it. You are a very signficant part of your sister grasping reality and becoming responsible. Be strong when you have to with her. Put a flower on her bed and a little note just to say you love her. All these little things count. She will gain focus again.

Answer 4

She sounds like she has one of two possible problems and if you can convince your parents to do something, it might be better for everyone.

Either she is drinking or doing drugs, or she has a mental health issue.

I am not going to say it definitely sounds like drugs, but if you look at the pattern, it very well could be drugs or alcohol. Talk your parents into evaluating her for alcohol or drug treatment. She will fight you on it and she will try to make your life and your parent's lives miserable when you suggest it. But my first inclination is that drugs or alcohol is the first place to look.

She could also be showing symptoms of bipolar disorder or depression. If she is cranky, moody or withdrawn, that is another way to put your bets.

Talk your parents into having her evaluated for drug and alcohol issues and a mental health issue. Either way, it could save your sister's life. And in the long run, it could also show everyone that she isn't on drugs or alcohol and maybe there is a systemic problem that would fix it all.

Answer 5

Your sister is on the path of destruction that will have a major impact on your family. It will be best to discuss this with your parents and see what all of you can do as a family to get to the bottom of your sister's problem. The problems that she faces are so much deeper than the advice you are trying to give her. I admire you for your efforts, but in a case this severe, it is going to take some counseling.

Answer 6

just show her so much love and let her know no matter what ever happens u will love her the same and if she ever needs u u have to be there for her. She may be closer to u then ur parents, just stay close as you can for when she is ready for the help and love u can offer her. Good Luck and take care of you both!! NO MATTER HOW BAD THINGS GET DONT TURN UR BACK ON HER SHE WILL NEED U SOONER THAN LATER.

Answer 7

Your parents need to take away her mobile phone first of all and then counseling would be the next step along w/ your parents in a group therapy b/c that is a young age to act out so aggressively.

HTH!

Answer 8

Honey, you are not the parent. Don't take such a responsibility on your shoulders.
Talk to your parents and tell them your worries and then let them handle the problem.
You have fun, your teenage years don't last forever.

Answer 9

i think that being a good role model is the best thing you can do for your sister. also, get to know her friends and let her know that you are there for her if she needs you. she might just be seeking attention and if she isn't getting it at home she might be getting it from her friends. don't give up on her...being 11 is tough:) good luck

Answer 10

Try to continue to reach her. If she continues that way it will only get worse, believe me I know, me and my older sister are no longer on talking terms. Try to get some outside help, someone she respects, maybe a teacher, someone she holds in high regard to talk to her about her actions and attitude.