Sometimes I found myself being favorable towards one child over the other, not by intention. When I caught myself doing this I feel bad for my other child and I wanted to cry. Does anyone out there encount this before?
2006-06-27 18:22:07 · 16 answers · asked by KaPaul L 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
well,
its just natural,dont feel guilty.
2006-06-27 18:25:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
It is the difference in the personality of the child. If the one child is well-behaved and has the instincts to be helpful, you may always be calling on that child because you know he/she can be realiable. It doesn't make the other child any less important. It's like at a job, you have the workers who never complain and always do as you ask and does it right the first time; and then you have the ones that you know aren't 'on the ball' like they should be and will probably make mistakes. So, you still have to give them a chance to learn how to be responsible and you have to realize that all people are different and work at different speeds and in different ways. That is how it is with your children.
2006-07-04 04:28:39 · answer #2 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like your kids, you are human. I believe that in every family this happens more than most want to admit for they see this as some sort of neglect or lack of love, feeling and emotions towards one child or the other. The reality is that such behavior is rather common and given the average situation, is normal.
Allow me to expand on this....
Every child as well as every parent has good days and bad ones. If you are having a bad day (life, for example) and one of your 3 kids is also having a bad day, the two of you are bound to clash, just human nature. The other two kids are seeing this, and they are saying, "heh, better not piss mom off, she is in a bad mood". The other one however, is pissy anyway, so he doesn't care and he argues, gives you attitude, sasses back, refuses to oblige, whatever it may be, and you "handle" it. In the meantime, the other two kids ( being kids) see this as an opportunity to get you when your busy/weak/mad and they ask for something, to do something, to go somewhere and you say "yes" . Are you really favoring the two over the one? Another scenario...
Three kids, one is just the most stubborn, obtusive, onery, and argumentative of all three and consistantly "pushes" your buttons. As a result, you catch them in lies, in mischief, and seems is always in trouble for one thing or another. As a result, you have to be harder on this one than the other two. Are you guilty of favoritisum?
Kids are smart. They know when they have found a weakness and they pounce on it every chance they get. It really doesn't matter how old they are, even the very young pick up the "signals" that their siblings send out.
The answer is "no" your not guilty of favoritisium, your guilty of loving your kids and being a parent first, before a friend.
If you are guilty of favoring one over the other, do you feed one, not the other? Do you kiss and hug, one over the other? Do you clothe one over the other? Do you work one from sun-up to sun-down over the other? Do you ALWAYS support one over the other?
If this is what you do, then YES YOU DO FAVOR ONE OVER THE OTHER. However, if you are a loving, caring and genuine PARENT, then you are no different that the rest of us.
My husband and I used to tease each other when our kids were little, especially the teenage years. If one of us ever decided to leave the other, the one staying had to keep the kids, so we would RACE FOR THE DOOR, the one who was the slowest would get stuck.... Now that their grown adults, we race inside the house instead of trying to get out so we can hide from them. (you know the, MOM, DAD can I borrow..... ) And they say when the kids turn 18 your done.... BULL...S*&^%T
If you get as upset as your post alludes, then stop beating yourself up, your kids are doing a pretty good job all on their own.
If you want to confirm these, scenarios, just sit back and watch them, really watch them, listen to them when you think they are not paying attention. It will surprise you I swear....
Good Luck, MOM/DAD..........
2006-06-28 19:01:28 · answer #3 · answered by jv1104 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that as parents we have moments where we do favor one child. However, I don't think it's wrong, or unhealthy.
I find that lately I favor my daughter..she is the youngest and the most in need of me at the moment. All of my children (at her age) were my favorites..they all got a turn at it. Also, all of your kids are different in some way..they all have specific things about them that make them special and unique. Ask yourself what it is about the favored child that is making him/ her your favorite right now? Is it the age they are at..or does it have something to do with what's going on in your life?
My best wishes to you.
2006-06-27 19:20:49 · answer #4 · answered by Toolooroo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're human, don't be too hard on yourself. You've come to this realization, so now you can work to undo it. Keep in mind also that each child/person is different and unique - hence, we must adjust our raising of each accordingly. Be careful not to go too far the other way trying to "make it up" to the other child. You'll do fine, accept that you aren't perfect and work from there.
2006-06-27 18:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by luvwhitelilacs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think so. my elder sis has 2 kids she tends to get very favorable towards her elder son then to her daughter. i used to tell her that she is wrong but like all mothers she neglected this. Now the daughter is extremely shy and has no confidence whereas the son is getting out of control and is violent and unmanageful.
I think u shud stop or at least put the favoritism to a low degree. make sure u equalize between them or else in future things r going to get out of hands.
2006-06-27 19:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel that way. Every child is different as well as their temperment. Try to find something that you can do with each child. Just give each child your love and attention. It will work out.
2006-06-27 18:50:21 · answer #7 · answered by CarolynB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That happens to a lot of people. That is why you should intentionally make up for the other child by showing some love.
2006-06-27 18:27:14 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sometimes do happen to me too with my elder daughter but try to pamper her whenever she is close to me and make her understand that whatever it may seem, I love her too as much as I do for my little one... I tried to explain to her that in most household elders are being punished so that youngters learn from it ... but of course we must show them (both) how to respect each other or the younger one will always think he is right...
2006-06-27 18:46:02 · answer #9 · answered by Fibee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello friend,
Thanks for this lovely question because i had also gone through this situation somany times with my kids. I learnt alot with the answers given by experienced and intelgent people over here. I think you also got some thing new to do with this situation. Over all it is natural but one should control or atleast hide from the other children as much as possible.
Once again thanks to all ......here in this thread.
2006-06-27 19:09:18 · answer #10 · answered by Raj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess people will always favor one over the other; and I guess it's OK as long as you make sure that the other one get all the attention it needs.
2006-06-27 18:29:18 · answer #11 · answered by kasar777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋