My mother has told me that I need to change the date and location of my wedding to accomodate my cousin whose step son (19) is getting married the same day I am in another state. My sister will not atend my wedding because of the date and my mother has cut off ties with me unless I change the date. Am I wrong to not want to change the date?
2006-06-27 18:05:18 · 28 answers · asked by pixiebdg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
by the way I'm 30 years old and this would be my first marriage.
2006-06-27 18:05:36 · update #1
They sent out their invitations the same date I did. It's just a mess, I wanted a small intimate wedding with just immediate family and I've been waiting a hell of a lot longer than some teenager for the perfect day. grrr...thanks all keep the advice coming!
2006-06-27 18:17:28 · update #2
And I had no idea about this other wedding until my mother called me and told me that my sister just got invited to the other wedding, she chose theirs over mine and got my invitation first!
2006-06-27 18:19:55 · update #3
It isn't just me, my fiance' refuses as well because we had chosen the date together, his family already has the invites...
:o(
2006-06-27 18:38:36 · update #4
wow thats really low..... if I were you screw them..... keep the date and tell them your going to video it so they can watch it later. I would be so crushed to know that they prefered to go to the cousins wedding instead of mine , try your hardest not to let it spoil your day, It's the first day of your life as your own family anyways and youve still got his family so concentrate on that, plus there'll be more food and drink for the people who do attend.hehehe Try not to hold a grudge against them and be glad you are not like them.One day they will realize what they did to you and greet them with open arms, you'll be a much happier person for it .. Congratulations and enjoy your wedding day :)
2006-06-28 12:19:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my full sympathies are with you, weddings are stressful enough without all this added stress on top, the problem is you can never please everyone. You are not wrong in not wanting to change the date, after all you have chosen that date together and made arrangements etc. However, for the sake of keeping the peace it may be worth while making a compromise, be the better person and think about another date that may suit. You said you really wanted your close friends and family to attend, but they won't if you keep that date. Would it be too much work to change your date? I understand the invitations have been sent out already, it would not be hard to send a notice saying the date has been changed, especially if you have invited only a small amount of guests. I know you don't want to give in to their demands but in the end would it not be better for the sake of peace in the family to change the date and keep everyone happy? I am on your side and think that it is really sad that your mum has backed you into this corner but there really seems little option other than to change the date if you want her there. If you go ahead with the wedding you will have the thought in the back of your mind that your mum should be there with you, and that will tinge the day with sadness. Ask your mum to help you change the arrangements so that you don' t have to do it on your own.
2006-06-28 01:29:11 · answer #2 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your mom is choosing your cousin's stepson? Seems like a pretty distant relation to me.
I'd say, go ahead with the wedding, explain to your family that you already have all the arrangements and had no idea there would be a conflict. Let them choose what to do after that. It's unreasonable to change everything at the last minute.
Send your cousin's stepson a really nice wedding gift and a card saying how lucky you are that you'll have the same wedding anniversary--maybe you can make a tradition of a big family barbecue on the date to honor both of you. Exchange wedding videos. Make this fun, not conflict, and see if the family follows your lead.
2006-06-27 21:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by smurfette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but Mother's belong at their daughter's wedding no matter what the date is or what else is happening that day. Same goes for siblings from the same family. Hopefully you will only get married once and those that close to you should be there to celebrate the biggest day in your life. The step-cousin should get a card showing their support while they attend your wedding. A mother's love should be stronger than threatening to cut ties with a child. Mother's need to support their children not other peoples children!! A step family member to another family member is not blood and Blood should be thicker than water.
2006-06-27 18:54:14 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right. You have already mailed the invitations so it would be a total hassle to change everything. You can't help it that both weddings are on the same day, especially since your not that close with your cousins step son. If your mom doesn't like it then she doesn't have to go. I think in the end she will be the one feeling guilty and not you. I hope she changes her mind for you, but if not, have a great time anyway! Your wedding is about you and your husband, not your mother. I hope everything goes great for you! Good luck!
2006-06-28 02:35:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you set your wedding date; knowing about the other wedding date? If you did then you most certainly should change your date. However, if you set your wedding date and then the other wedding was scheduled you should keep your date. Your mother will regret slighting you in the long run; it will be her loss. If your mother is so cold as to have cut all ties with you over this, you probably do not really need her at your wedding anyway.
2006-06-27 18:16:30 · answer #6 · answered by Mary E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi and Congratulations!!; I'm sorry that you guys have to be going through such an ordeal during one of the most important times of your lives!, however personally I feel that you should talk to you mom and sis and tell them how you feel; however much your cousin's step son's wedding might be important, there should be no event as important on that or any other day as it is yours!. Send your cousin a personalized letter asking her to forgive you for not attending their lovely ceremony, but ironically enough, you both decided to wed the same exact day!, tell her how you understand that because of the obvious reasons she cannot attend to yours. You can choose to send them a gift or go with their registry. You really shouldn't have to change your special wedding date for any reason!, and I'm sure that after talking to your family, they will understand completely and go to your wedding!.
I hope it works out well!, have a great wedding!! ^_^
Best of luck!
Melissa T.
http://www.kisstheenvelope.com
2006-06-28 03:00:32 · answer #7 · answered by kluzzey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers....you can't live with them, you can't live without them!
My mother was an alcoholic, God rest her soul, and I can remember the controlling, arrogant, self centered part of her, the part that was stubborn and thought the whole world should move if she said so.
But I also remember the warm, humorous, caring woman who woke us kids up one night at 3 am so we could watch our mother cat teach her kittens how to hunt mice. The same woman who laid out on blankets in the front yard at midnight when there was shooting stars to watch.
She fought with us and drove us crazy but she always fought for us and loved us with her whole being.
yes, it is your wedding, and she is your mother. It may be stubborn of her to say she will stop speaking to you if you don't change the date, and she may go through with it.... but she may just want so badly to have her family around her as she celebrates the person you have become that she is acting a fool.
It is your and your significant other's decision, so I pray you do some very deep soul searching before you decide, if you are in the early stages of planning the wedding, maybe a change won't hurt anything but your pride, and that pain will ease a lot sooner than the pain of losing your mother.
lifting you on eagle's wings,
lily
2006-06-27 18:26:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't be pushed into changing your special day to meet their needs! i can't believe that your own mom and sister would miss your wedding for that of a COUSINS STEP-SON-- thats crazy! don't change your plans stick to what you have! you're invitations have already been sent, your locations and vendors have been reserved and you are set to go! this is your day not theirs! if they don't come they will kick themselves for it forever afterward! (especially when other family- maybe grandkids one day- are looking at your wedding phots asking where your mom and sister are) you are totally right in wanting to keep your date the same and there is NO REASON why you should change it!
2006-06-28 01:34:44 · answer #9 · answered by angelcdm228 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would have a longer engagement for a multitude of reasons. But, first and foremost, to show your mother that you can be a young independent woman who can remain in love with this boy. Once she sees you are serious, perhaps she will come around. There almost always seems to be a time when teenagers do not see eye to eye with their parents. This may be one of those times. Just call her and keep in contact and always have respect for her so she can see you as a grown up, not a child. Give her some time to realize you have goals and you are reaching those goals. Getting married being one of them. Still, have a longer engagement.
2016-03-27 06:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋