Can anyone tell me a 'horribily' good and humourous joke?

Question

mind the word 'horribly' good and humourous.

Answer 1

not any horrible ones on my mind right now. sorry

Answer 2

i know it's kind of long but I'm a loser and I have a lot of these... so here.
Good: A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem-a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.” The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket full of change.
Better: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
Best: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window and flipped open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.” He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.”
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

Answer 3

Two sausages are sitting in a frying pan. One sausage turns to the other and says "Woah, it's pretty hot in here today!". The other sausage replies "Holy crap! A talking sausage!".

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks out into a house to look for money and a gun and finds a young couple in the bed.

He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too!!"

Answer 4

Try this and watch my QA

Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital. "Well," answered the man, "I eat rye bread everyday. That is my secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve dramatically."
The other man decides to follow this advice and finds a bakery nearby. He tells the clerk behind the counter that he wants all of the loaves of ryebread that they have in stock.
The clerk then asks the man, "do you want whole loaves or do you want us toslice them?The man looks puzzled and asks the clerk, "what is the difference?"The clerk responds, "Well when it's sliced, it gets harder faster."
To which the man responded, "How come everyone knew about this but me?"

Answer 5

Two drunks are at a bar at the top of a skyscraper. The first drunk turns to the other and says...
"Y'know, this building is magic. If you jump off, you won't die, you'll just bounce back up!"
"Yer full of sh**!" replies the other.
"I'll show you!"
With that, the first drunk makes a dash for the window and leaps out. The other drunk, shocked, goes to the window to see where the body lands. But the first, true to his word, reaches to the bottom, and bounces back up to the top. Needless to say, the second drunk is amazed, and HAS to try for himself. He reaches the window, plummets to the ground, and splatters on the street below.
The first drunk returns to the bar and orders another drink. The bartender, handing it to him, says
"Man, you are one mean f**kin' drunk, Superman!"

Answer 6

Marriage & Manners

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he could not stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Answer 7

I cosider myself to be a hillbilly, so no one should take any offense at these jokes.

Q. Why don't hillbillies have ice?
A. The lady with the recipe moved away.

Q. How do you keep a hillbilly busy?
A. I don't know, they say they'll tell me tomorrow.

Q. How do you keep a hillbilly busy?
A. Put him in a roundhouse and tell him to stand ( or something else) in the corner.

Answer 8

Y r u ugly... Cause yo moma ugly hahaha

just kiding

Answer 9

My son told me this one:
How do Pirates dance?
They shake their "booties"!

How was that? Horrible, right?

Answer 10

horrible:
Your mother is so dumb she put a piece of paper on the television and called it "Paper View".