I'm 29 with an 11yr old girl and 3yr old boy. We live with my boyfriend of just over two years. He is 22 and has full custody of his 2yr old girl. We would like to have a child together but haven't really started any planning. Having a child with him would be great because he's a great dad and he truly cares about me. I'm kind of anxious, though. I don't want to wait much longer since I'm already almost 30. I'm not saying that's old. It's just that a parent should be able to enjoy their own lives by the time they're 45-50. My boyfriend told me today that he wants us to have a kid together. I'm having some doubts. I'm already stressed with the kids constantly wanting me for something. I don't get time to myself except late at night when I'm tired. I'm just not sure what to think.
2006-06-27 17:20:52 · 16 answers · asked by Fulita 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
You just need to talk to your boyfriend. If you feel you are READY then go for it! Sounds like time for your kids to start taking some responcablities too. They will have to if mommy has a baby! You are NEVER too young for responcablities! My 17 month old is responciable for helping us clean up HER mess (she often helps us with ours too and cleans before we say anything, like throwing away evelopes when we are openning the mail) and she is also responciable for her blankie when we go out! Believe me that will NEVER leave HER sight!
I loved the marrage comments! Thanks for calling me and the questioner BUMS! I love my fiance DEARLY we have our reasons for not getting married right now and we will get married when those problems are solved (the main one being 12,000 dollars in BACK CHILD SUPPORT that I don't want my income to be a factor for his EX-B**** to get MORE money out of him when she doesn't NEED it and we are STRUGGLING). We are thinking about another baby in the next year or two.
Also the finacial thing is a JOKE too! If you wait until you are finacially "STABLE" then you may NEVER have kids. It is HARD this day and age but it CAN be done! I did it! My daughter was VERY unexpected, we may live paycheck to paycheck but we make it buy and I think we can afford another baby. Just with my daughter's age (and attitude) I am not READY for another one.
If you are READY for a baby then go for it! As for time to yourself that is where you need to talk to your kids (even the 3 yr old is old enough to know) and your boyfriend to help with that! You have the next nine months (plus the months before you actually get pregnant, the "trying months") to help fix that. But with a new baby you may not have any "me" time. Just grab all the time you can when you can hand the baby over to your boyfriend and when the baby gets about 4 or 5 months old you can get a shower or something while you 11 yr old watched the baby (with rules of course, like no picking up and come get you with any problems).
You are able to work out any problems by just talking to everyone!
2006-06-27 17:24:26 · answer #1 · answered by Crazy Mama 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
In a word. No. Especially since you say you're already stressed with the ones you have. Don't get knocked up just because he'd like another kid. Remember he's not the one going thru labor and having kids can kill. I can't find the logic in having more than 2 kids at the most but if you find yourself emotionally, physically, financially prepared then do it. Only, it's just much cheaper to buy a houseplant. And marriage as "great" as it is, really, isn't that important. Unless you're a devout Christian. What is important is that he cares for you and takes care of his kids.
2006-06-27 17:28:02 · answer #2 · answered by will 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off I would ask are ya gonna get married since you have been together so long? I don't see anything wrong with you having another, I would just worry that something would happen and you would end up raising 3 alone. That may just be me but I would want the security. Whatever you decide I am sure it will be right for you and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
2006-06-27 18:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by Mandy C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, it's a totally personal decision to have to make, but since you're asking for public opinion, I'll offer my .02 :)
I would factor in finances, strength of your relationship with your boyfriend (as in, is he likely to stick around? - not that you ever have any guarantees anyway, but you'd like to know ...), energy level given that you're parenting 3 already, work/family balance (is he an active and equal contributer to the finances AND the household/parenting thing? - or are you doing double-duty?).
You'll have a teenager (a 12-yr-old - ugh, that's a really tough age for everyone!), two preschoolers under age 5 (whew!), AND a newborn. Well, girl, I would think about this one with total honesty with myself and my boyfriend before taking the plunge.
But if you do decide to go for it, wishing lots of love and joy to your family! It's great to see someone who loves parenting as much as you obviously do!
2006-06-27 17:29:31 · answer #4 · answered by ABBMAMA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with some of the other comments..if he loves you so much why not marry you?.....like that little kids rhyme goes that we used to sing when we were little..
"first come love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage"..lol.........
no offense but if he loves you that shouldnt be a problem..no need for a big wedding you can get married at the court and if you are already stressed with the two children that you have then you really dont need another one..you have your girl and a boy..package complete...lol..
2006-06-28 03:49:26 · answer #5 · answered by outspokenone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only your heart can really tell you if you should have another baby. But if you two really love each other then a child is the most special thing to share. You're still young, so it's still the perfect time. I think if you and your boyfriend have discussed it and he wants it to then go for it girl!!!
2006-06-27 17:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by bayeemachiee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have anymore.
You are already dealing with 2 under 5, do you really want to make that 3. Plus pregnancy is a bummer with little ones.
Can you afford it?
Is he gonna marry you?
2006-06-27 17:26:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having doubts (more than just fear of the unknown like first time parents usually do)....then you are not ready. You have to be on board 100% before you make that committment.
2006-06-27 17:30:31 · answer #8 · answered by momof2kiddos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well welcome to the world of being a parent!!!! ofcourse the kids will need you constantly whats wrong with you??? i think your not ready for another baby cos trust me when you want a baby you see all the good sides of being a parent but to me its like your focusing on all the bad stuff i hope ive helped
2006-06-27 17:50:56 · answer #9 · answered by bellitarose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait until you are married, THEN talk about having kids together.
2006-06-27 17:23:37 · answer #10 · answered by i_am_the_dida 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋