i told my mom i was gay today and she feaked out....she said that i was not gay and that she did not raise a gay son. i felt really hurt.. she started to cry and she left the room and i followed her and told her that i love her. she said i dont love her. she said that " why are u doing this 2 me, i've done so much for you." i keot on sayingi loved her. then i called my cousin and my sister for help. they came in and my mom was like" you guys new already" she told them to get out. then thats when my cousin was like " let me talk to your mom alone. its been like 2 hours now and she is still in her room. im not to sure if im ready for whats up next!!!!!!!!
2006-06-27 16:56:05 · 8 answers · asked by qazwsx 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh Darlin - this is so hard - for both of you. But you've got to give her time to adjust to it, to wrap her mind around it. It totally blows everything she's ever hoped for you right out of the water, like grandbabies and such. I know those things are technically still possible, but often not likely, and she's gotta get used to the idea.
If she's like most moms, she loves you so much, and this is probably not anything she imagined in her wildest dreams. She knows that this can be such a hard life for you, and that will make her heart ache, too. The fear of maybe losing you to AIDS will make this even harder for her to accept.
Give her some time. Don't disappear off the face of the Earth, just continue to be the child of hers that she's always known. She'll eventually come to realize that her love for you matters more than your lifestyle, and she'll get a grip on what is really important here.
It won't be overnight, but you'll know you're moving in the right direction if she can tell you again that she loves you. And she does, this is just a shock to her system. I'm sure she believed that she knew you pretty well, and now you've told her that she never had the foggiest idea who you were. That's hard for a mother.
Accept the fact, also, that she may never completely believe you, but don't hold it against her, and don't call her on it. That's her way of coping. She may eventually accept things, but she'll never honestly believe it in the depths of her heart. She won't volunteer the information to other people, either. Not necessarily because she's embarrassed, but more because she'll know that people have an immediate mental image when they hear that someone is gay, and she'll wish they could get to know you first, and see the wonderful person you are before fitting you into the stereotypical mold. She won't want you to be judged unfairly, and knows that this will happen.
There isn't a timeline I can give you here, and it surely won't happen as quickly as you'd like, but I believe it will happen. Your friends will tell you all of the horror stories of families destroyed, people disowned or discarded, etc. I'm sure these things have happened, I know people to whom it has. But have faith in your mom, and hang in there.
I wish you all the peace in the world.
2006-06-27 17:21:11 · answer #1 · answered by Crooks Gap 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, you need real answers. There is a saying that you can step out of the closet but you never leave the room. There are websites for answers you probably won't find here. But you've done the hardest part, congratulations! She is going to go through all sorts of things as to why you are not gay, denial being the biggest. Just know that she loves you, or she wouldn't have shown her hurt. She's going to be afraid for you because of all the bigots out there. And she might even start trying to hint at marriage and fixing you up with a 'nice girl'. Just be polite when she does this. I imagine you've told her thanks for all that she has done and you don't mean to hurt her, but you can't help the way you are. Some people are really born this way. Last month I saw on television a segment about gay penguins at some zoo, so don't listen to people say you can't be born this way. You're going to be okay, mom is going to be okay. It won't happen overnight, but things will come around to normal again. Good luck and hugs and prayers to you. About.com has a coming out section that is real helpful.
2006-06-27 17:36:08 · answer #2 · answered by merlinsdragonfire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just dealt your mom a major blow. At least, that's probably how she feels.
She's just in shock, even if it's something she already knew. You probably confirmed her fears. She probably envisioned you having a beautiful wife, a house, 2.2 kids, white picket fence and etc. She probably thinks that won't be possible. And, aside from her thinking about how this will effect her (kind of selfish but it is normal human behavior/thinking), she's probably concerned for you and your well being. I'm sure she remembers when HIV/AIDS was "discovered" in the 80's..and she is probably or will probably be worried about difficulties you may face in your future as a result of your orientation. Also, she probably thinks of gays/lesbians in the stereotypical manner..you know...flambouyant flamers and butch dykes and etc...She doesn't want you to be one of "them".
Give her some time. And look for a PFLAG type organization in your area. They'll have advice and etc. And people for both of you to lean on. It's proabably going to be a difficult time to get through, but as long as you have a decent relationship with your family, it'll probably work out in the end. It'll just take some time and adjustment.
2006-06-27 17:16:24 · answer #3 · answered by cafegrrrl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that sucks. I don't really know what to tell you. A lot depends on your relationship with your mom and how you two normally interact. All I can say for sure is this: Never back down. Be who you are and do your best to show her that you do love her and really are the same person. Good luck. Someday the world will be a better place.
2006-06-27 17:01:40 · answer #4 · answered by Quiet Amusement 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her time to absorb what you've told her. Explain that your love for her hasn't changed and explain how you KNEW this would be difficult for her to understand and was extremely difficult for you to tell her, knowing it would be hard for her to accept. Hopefully with time, she'll find your lifestyle easier to accept, however if she doesn't, remember you owe yourself a happy life, even when others don't approve, and they won't. Be true to yourself. Hang in there, it's going to be a bumpy ride, but the truth shall set you free. :)
2006-06-27 17:13:25 · answer #5 · answered by Pati :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aa too bad.hopefully by now she understands...im sorry. i really dont c the big deal with gays. i mean my moms a virgo, so what? who cares? im sorry, give it time and hopefully she will understand. but im glad that u decided to open up, come outta thw closet and tell her
2006-07-04 08:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by Kurt Cobain2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom shouldn't be saying that! You're gay and who the **** cock cares? Gay is okay. But I think you should evesdrop on them (lol)!
2006-07-02 23:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, if you will actually put a peter in your mouth, this should be small potatoes for a queer like you!!!
2006-06-27 17:00:41 · answer #8 · answered by wildraft1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋