How long do kids cry themselves to sleep?

Question

My daughter is two and still cries herself to sleep for naps and at night. She also cries when she wakes up until I come get her. When do kids start just going to sleep or just getting up and coming to you when they wake up?

Answer 1

I don't think this is a matter of waiting for your daughter to "get over it" and just be quiet to go to bed.
It would be a good opportunity for you as a parent to make going to sleep a GOOD experience. With a well established bed time routine that is very comforting.

I have never let my kids cry it out. When my son was little I stayed in the room until he fell asleep. Every few nights I would be closer to the door, until finally I could leave the room, and he would go to sleep on his own. He knew I was 'still there' even if I was on the other side of the door. When he woke up in the morning, he would come find me.

Healthy sleep habits make for a happy child. Re-think the cry it out thing....it's just terrorizing her. She is still very young and needs security.

Answer 2

I dont think there is a certain age on this but here are a few ideas that might help.
It sounds like maybe she should go down for a nap a little sooner then you are putting her down. Try making a game out of nap time such as telling baby nite nite, tucking in her animals one at a time and saying nite nite to each one. She will realize she is not the only one going to sleep. Try getting her prepared 30 minutes before actual nap time but sitting with her and having some quiet time before approching the subject of napping. When she wakes up crying , go to the room and pick up her favorite animal/baby or whatever and start talking to the toy about "Oh gosh, you have ALL just woke up!" This will let her know she is not alone in the room and she may start waking up and begin to play a little instead of crying. Good luck to you on this...

Answer 3

Wow, there are some very uptight people answering.

First, if you think something is wrong, see her dr--even a little encouragement that you are doing everything right and she is just going through yet another phase will help.

My ped said that kids this age have a hard time settling down to go to sleep. A 15 month old lets you know he is sleepy by snuggling and rubbing his eyes, a toddler is doing laps around the living room (from Parenting magazine). My son started fussing before bed about a month or so ago. If I let him, he would fuss for hours with me going in and out of the room every time he started crying. When he goes down at night, we read a story, snuggle a minute and I leave the room. He fake cries for about 1 minute at most and is out like a light.

We have had problems with sleep patterns from moving and vacationing and had to let him cry. It is perfectly ok for kids to cry. They won't hurt themselves by crying and they won't hate you. If after 10 minutes--or however long you can stand it-- go and check on her. Don't pick her up, just rub her or kiss and hug her and let her know you love her and leave. Try stretching the time out a little longer for every visit. The first few nights are rough, but she will get better at falling asleep on her own.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I agree with most of the comments here. I also believe in attachment parenting, but I found that I had to adjust it to my own needs as well. If I stayed into the room with my son until he would go to sleep I would be in there until midnight (my son is not a big sleeper) So I developed a bedtime routine. I sing him 2 songs (sometimes 3) or tell or read a story. I spend 10-15 minutes in there calming him down. Then I leave. (he is four now so he asks me to come in and can talk but I also did this when he was lititle and couldn't communicate with me) I do this in 10-15 minute intervals. If he is crying a lot I usually go in and sing another song comfort him for another 10-15 minutes and do this until he is asleep. Sometimes I have to do this now, but this is mostly when he is especially wound up or is frightened. When I practiced strict attachment parenting, always rushing right in when he crying he would not go to sleep ever, so because I don't believe children cry because they just cry that there is usually something they need I had to work this belief into a realistic view and goal which was getting my child to sleep. what I found is that routine and repetition is the best and eventually my son started picking up on the bedtime cues and it is most of the time a special time for just us.

Answer 5

It might help to change her routine a little. That much crying might mean she's not winding down very well. Try giving her some warm milk, then a warm bath. Wrap her in a warm towel and read her a story while rocking in a comfy chair....all things that are very relaxing for you both. Yawn a little here and there to stimulate her sleep reflexes. If she gets in the habit of falling asleep to a story instead of crying, you'll have a lot easier time when she gets older and starts school.

Answer 6

It depends on why they are crying. At this age, the only time my kids ever cried themselves to sleep was during a temper tantrum. I don't like hearing babies cry, so at that age I went through the list of possible reasons as to why they were crying.
Checked the diaper.
Made sure they weren't hungry.
Checked clothes for pinching, scratching, etc.
Tummy ache.

And sometimes, kids at this age just cry, well, because they can. If I couldn't pinpoint the reason, I just held them till they stopped or fell asleep. If it was a temper tantrum, usually brought on from being tired, I gave them their space until they were ready for me to help. I would say 90% of the time, we had stress free nights.

Answer 7

I can sympathize, I have three year old twins and went through the same thing. I found that if they have a sense of security around them like a favorite stuffed animal or blanket it is easier for them to go to sleep and they still have that security when they wake up. I also check on them about ten minutes after I put them to bed, if they are not asleep I kiss them on the forehead, tell them I love them, wish them sweet dreams, and reassure them that I will be there when they wake up. I've always found that reassurance for a child is the most important thing. The world is new to them and scary, being their "port in a storm" is what makes us MOM.

Answer 8

OMG im haveing the same problem with my daughter and she's 33 months old (2 and 3/4 yrs old). she was colicy for the first 3 months of her life, so she use to keep me up and busy all day and night, i got my sleep around 4 in the morning and slept til 11 am most mornings as she got older it got better, she still cried herself to sleep for naps and bedtime, but not as much anymore, at least 3 days out of the week she fights me when it's nap time and she cries (anywhere's from 5-10 minutes) herself to sleep, and for bedtime, she usually falls asleep on her own without crying, but some nights she likes to fight me and she cries herself to sleep for about 5-10 minutes, when she wakes up in the morning, she use to cry for me til i got up to get her and i think it was because i had a baby gate in her bedroom door way, because i didn't want her going down the stairs in the middle of the night and early mornings, i took the gate off her door on her 2nd birthday and i solved the morning crying really quick, now when she wakes up in the morning or even in the middle of the night, she just comes in my room and climbs in bed with me, she doesn't go downstairs!!!! im also starting to figure out why she cries her self to sleep sometimes for naps, sometimes it's because shes hungry or needs a clean pull-up on, wants me to lay with her, over tired, or just dont want to take a nap! and usually when she cries herself to sleep at night, is either because i had company over and she wants to be nosey, she had a late nap and isn't tired yet, might be hungry or thirsty or wants me to snuggle with her! i wish i knew when the whinning crying stops, because it gets irritating when she whines about everything all day, i spend as much time as i can with her when im not working, but when i would like a break for a few minutes, shes still stuck up my butt and looking for my attention!

Answer 9

The main thing is to be consistant, if you want her to go to sleep on her own, then you need to make her do it everytime, don't switch it up and let her sleep with you just so she won't cry. If you do that then she will think that as long as she cries you will come and get her, once she realizes you mean business she will stop and bed times will get easier...

Good luck

Answer 10

My son started coming into our room at night when he was about two and a half. He was never able to cry himself to sleep because he always ended up getting himself so worked up he would throw up. Now he is three and a half and hardly ever gets up while it is still dark outside!