I need a laugh?

Question

Blah Day

Answer 1

9 Things I Hate About Stupid People

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a_s_s to search the entire room for the T.V. remote.
Because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
Do people do this?
Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their a_s_s_e_s!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?".
No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short".
What the hell??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!
What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Answer 2

how many babies does it take to paint a wall?
depends how hard u throw them

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ceiling fan?
i dont have a ceiling fan in my basement

what do you call four mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
grand theft auto

a black and a mexican are in a car whose driving?
the cop

those ones always make me laugh. hope u enjoy em!

Answer 3

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy".

Paddy replies "Ok Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stook and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!"

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk.

He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way".

He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed."

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned, ......... You left your wheelchair at the pub."

Answer 4

2 guys walked into a bar. Strange, you would have thought that the second guy would have ducked.

A monk, a priest, and a rabbi walked into a bar. The bartender said, "This is a joke right?"

Answer 5

Look in the mirror. That should give you a quick fix...

Answer 6

Q: what do you call a lady who has one leg shorter than another?


A: iLean

Answer 7

take a glance at the mirror

Answer 8

id drag my balls threw broken galss just to hear u piss in a tin can over a long distance phone call
ie, i dont have balls...

Answer 9

Repeat after me : HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA HAA AHA0 HAH AHA HBAH HEHH AJJEBBX HAH AHA HAHHA HA A !

FELT NICE AND BORING HEUH?

Answer 10

This is a funny... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg&eurl