wh is it that guys are never honest about what they feel?

Answer 1

That is a foolish generalization which is probably hurting you more than you know.

What makes you so sure you know how all guys are, based on the behavior of the ones in your experience? You may be scaring off the ones you want, by harboring this resentment. And come on... *never* honest?

I, for one, consider myself very honest about my feelings. Nor do I see dishonesty about feelings as being any more a guy trait than a girl trait.

Having said all that, there are patterns in my own experience that do seem to come up. Maybe you can relate...

I've seen plenty of guys who try to hide the fact that they are feeling hurt or scared, or who have trouble displaying gentle affection. I believe that is because they feel insecure and/or weak, which makes them uncomfortable enough just *feeling* it, let alone announcing it.

Rather than say they're hurt or scared, and rather than crying at times, they may lash out in anger -- an emotion they've seen modeled, more often -- or just cover it up. They may even hide it from themselves. I think it's rarely a malicious thing, aimed at you, though I know it can be very frustrating from the outside, even to other guys. They don't say -- and may not even know -- what they're really feeling. Sometimes, in a tender moment, you might put it into words and they might say, "Yes!, that's it."

Their own experience (of father, uncles, brothers and male friends) has often shown them very little modeling for expressing those feelings, which are assumed (incorrectly, and by both genders, I might add) to be signs of weakness.

It's a shame, because they are normal human emotions for males and females alike! And because guys stand to benefit quite a lot -- internally, and in their relationships -- by expressing them!

Males seem to have less inhibitions with anger, and joy, at least partly because they've seen male role models express them more frequently and easily. Some of this is probably genetic, but doubtfully all of it.

Now you may want to look in the mirror. I've seen plenty of *girls* who hide the fact that they are feeling angry, or physically turned on. I believe that is because *they* feel insecure and/or ugly, or dirty. They, too, probably feel uncomfortable enough just feeling that way, much less announcing it.

Rather than say they're angry, or sexually aroused, they may deal with the feelings in ways *they've* seen modeled (by mother, aunts, sisters and female friends). Instead of saying they're pissed off, and raising their voices, they may say they're sad or depressed, or behave in passive-agressive ways, like saying nothing's wrong, but refusing to talk. Or they may act like it doesn't matter. Instead of saying she's turned on, a woman may become flirty, playful or "showy" to inspire you to make the first move. She is not revealing her feelings; they can only be guessed!

Are these behaviors really any more honest and open than the male behaviors you're encountering? How would girls feel if they were labeled as frequently and simplistically as guys are labeled "macho," which is supposed to neatly explain all male behavior, and in a derogatory way? I can tell you from a guy's point of view that a girl's hidden feelings can be very frustrating, too, and it is certainly common! Further, a sensitive guy (which so many females say they want, and many "macho" guys really are) is not going to be motivated to understand you when you so readily label *him* in that trite way.

As with men, it's a shame women feel afraid or unwilling to reveal their own hidden emotions, or that they are labeled negatively for doing so, because the examples I gave are normal human emotions for females as well as males. And because girls stand to benefit quite a lot -- internally, and in their relationships -- by expressing them!

Females seem to have less inhibitions with expressing hurts, joys or fears, at least partly because they've seen female role models express them more frequently and easily. Again, some of this is probably genetic, but almost certainly some is learning.

These are conscious over-simplifications (as long as this is) for the sake of giving you an answer that you can read in a few minutes. Of course there are plenty of people of both genders who do not fit those descriptions.

In both cases, people tend to question how normal they are for their gender, if not as human beings. In both cases, trust and intimacy would likely be built if the hidden feelings were revealed.

So if you're going to comment, I think you have to specify which feelings you're talking about.

We could go a long way toward ending this gender bias -- and many relationship issues of all kinds -- by refraining from judging people. Accept whatever feelings they express, without shaming or embarrassing them... *especially* when a person is expressing something outside the "norms" for their sex or for themselves. For heaven's sake don't call a girl a b i _ _ _ for expressing anger, or a s l _ _ for expressing desire.... don't call a guy a wimp or a wuss for expressing pain or fear... don't think these things about yourself... and if someone has labeled you for being your true self, question not yourself but the narrow-minded person doing the labeling!

Individuals have a *right* to feel what they feel, and there is good reason behind every emotion. Teach your partner or friend to feel comfortable expressing their full range of emotions to you, and express your full range of emotions to them. Your empathy may be the best way to open them up.

Finally, please know something I learned a long time ago... there are very few ways, aside from their basic plumbing, that *all* men, or *all* women are alike. (You see women disagreeing with women, and men disagreeing with men, on many opinions about the other.) When you realize this you may take comfort, as I did in knowing it's not "us" against "them."

Best wishes in finding the relationship of your dreams.

Answer 2

Depends on the situation, but here's a few reasons why they might lie or not communicate their feelings:

1)They feel it might offend.
2)They're more desirous of pleasing you, rather than expressing themself.
3)They don't quite understand what they're feeling.
4)They're use to lying to women because of habit or experience.
5)They don't trust you.
6)They're just not use to expressing their emotion,.... it's alien.
7) To make a good impression upon you.
8)A combination of many of the above.

I think I may be missing a few, but generally I can say this is what I've seen or experienced. Personally, I tend to lie about my feelings if I'll hurt someone too much or I just don't trust them...but all of the above is possible.

On a side note, I don't think it's wise or good to communicate ALL feelings or thoughts....I could think of many times where I either had to lie about something to a boss, a girl or her parents. I fundamentally think it's a matter of not being sure what the reaction will be ie not trusting you would understand or appreciate.

My personal theory is men aren't use to having people give the same sort of attention that women tend to get. It's much easier for a woman to find someone to express her feelings to, but generally guys have no one to test those grounds (in any comparison to women). Thus when we actually are in such a situation we find ourselves in a bind, in that we don't have the experience or the ability to easily replace those whom would to listen to our feelings. It's easy for a girl to cry and get attention, but it's socially unacceptable for a man to show weakness...we are the 'stronger ones'.

Point is, men can't switch paradigm and relate to a woman's reality unless there's some sort of experience in that arena; and that you need to understand and generally respect his differences, as I'm sure any man could make a list of demands he'd like from a woman. My reccomendation (if you need any), is to treat him as you want to be treated.....

Trust him purely, and treat him in the ways you always wished to be. If he thinks you're on his team, it's a lot more likely he'll feel comfortable enough to open up to you.

Answer 3

Your dad's a jerk. it really is it. you should talk with someone. it would want to nicely be embarrassing, even if it does help. (each and every from time to time no longer instantly, even if it does.) Lotion can help with dry skin. And it would not sound like your grimy or greasy, once you're showering that typically. also, except you're 3 ft tall, 119 pounds isn't oftentimes considered overweight. i'm 5' 3" and that i weight 133. and that i'm known sized. Your dad is being merciless, and he has no excellent to be. He probable has low self-worth, so the truly way he can make himself experience sturdy is through creating you experience undesirable. sturdy luck. i am hoping each and every thing works out.

Answer 4

Guys are supposed to be tough and they don't do all that "mushy" stuff. Haven't you ever heard that? It's how guys are raised. You have to work at it to get a guy to open up. Just don't try to "fix" him. He won't care for that. If he won't tell you how he feels, tell him you love him and care about how he feels and when he is ready to talk you will be ready to listen. Give him space after that and let him come around on his own. Suggested reading is "Men are from mars and women are from venus."

Answer 5

Alot of guys don't know what they feel, so they try to keep their feelings hidden until they know. The one's that do know how they feel aren't honest about their feelings, because they don't regret saying the wrong thing that hurts someone or hurts them. Guys are pretty sensitive too, that's why we keep our feelings to ourselves.

Answer 6

its not always
you cant base all guys on the few you know
im completely honest about my feelings

Answer 7

Probably the same reason girls are never honest about what they feel.

Answer 8

Guys are afraid of rejection, horribly.

Sometimes they don't care for a person other than what they are getting (read physical gratification).

Sorry, I just didn't want to lie to you.

Answer 9

Cuz like women we feel if we express to much you will take it and run with it and see it as a sign of weekness.

Answer 10

Because they're guys! Period! And on top of that- they don't like feeling like big pussys. At least that's what my bf says.

Answer 11

because we feel like ur going to us it against us in the future and we want u to think were strong and dont have feelings